How Are You Feeling Right Now?

[1964dodge]

I just turn off my TV, and the emptiness catches up with me in an instant, clenching my throat with a vice-like grip. It seems my two options in life are to either continue wasting time escaping into video games and television, or search desperately for ways to feel comfortable in my own skin. It’s just intolerable feeling wound up all the time and ready to leap out of my skin any second.

 

[1964dodge]

like shit but it will pass

mike

 

[Mid Night]

I have multiple sclerosis, a brain tumour and breast cancer. I have not seen my bf since I started my chemotherapy 5 weeks ago. He is mysoginistic and yesterday sent me abusive messages accusing me of being a prostitute when I live in Spain 20 yrs ago. I was never a prostitute. I had my own market stall in Spain and I sent him photographic evidence of me working on my stall. Being diagnosed with cancer and now going through his abuse and neglect is killing me. Yesterday when I read his message, I thought I was going to have a stroke. I am pondering on stopping my chemotherapy and refusing surgery , because I don’t know why I’m bothering . My sad existence doesn’t seem worth it

I'm praying for you naylost.

 

[Mid Night]

I used to get somewhat frequent UTIs. Several in a single year. Then many years passed without them, thank God. But this past December, I got another, probably because I'm on the Skyrizi injection, for psoriasis and Crohn's disease. It compromises the immune system and makes infections more likely and more difficult for the body to fight off. Anyway, I took a course of Cipro and it seemingly went away. Though, I still felt like I was perhaps having some very mild symptoms left over, but I chalked it up as I was imagining things (I probably wasn't). Three weeks later, I knew for certain that the infection was back again full force. I got another course of antibiotics. I felt okay again for about a week. Then it was back again. A freaking third time. And I also realized that it came back right after I injected the Skyrizi. A day or two after. If I knew that would happen, i certainly would have waited to do that. But I only realized after the fact. Took a third course of antibiotics. Nothing. Nothing at all. If anything, I think it got worse. So I was back at the urgent care asking for Cipro again specifically, because the past two times, they had decided to give me a different antibiotic that clearly didn't work as well. So now I'm on my fourth course, and praise God, I think it's starting to work. I was in so much pain from this damn UTI these past two days, especially, that I can't even describe it. All I could do was pray and cry. I'd rather deal with about 20 different kinds of pain than I would this again.

I'm praying for you Aurelia.

 

[AvidFan]

Tired and apprehensive. Didn't sleep too well last night after a couple of reasonable nights. Have 1.5 hour monthly review meeting with my manager in quarter of an hour and I always find it an ordeal since my previous manager retired. Just never felt like the same rapport and support but am a bit stuck with it.

 

[SillyOldBear]

like shit but it will pass

mike

The same Mike, the same.

 

[Lane]

Was anxious so I made a collage. I don't usually do that but it felt good. This is the hardest part of the day for me when the kids are gone doing their things and I'm home from work.

 

[ClassicsFan]

Exhausted.

 

[Windhover]

Sort of okay. I had a fairly good run tonight, people stopped their vehicles to let me cross at the big streets' crossings. And I might be getting comfortable with my new, damaged self.

 

[LumberJack]

Sort of okay. I had a fairly good run tonight, people stopped their vehicles to let me cross at the big streets' crossings. And I might be getting comfortable with my new, damaged self.

We are damaged but not broken.

 

[Inastorm]

I have multiple sclerosis, a brain tumour and breast cancer. I have not seen my bf since I started my chemotherapy 5 weeks ago.

I cant really begin to understand the level of loss you are experiencing with your health. But in terms of your boyfriend, who I would guess knows your situation is being unacceptable. Do you think hes experiencing loss of you?, maybe while completely out of order is trying to make sense of the situation. I suppose it depends how long you've been together, not seeing you for 5 weeks while your doing chemo doesnt sound good or supportive.
What ever you do, try not make any decisions with your health based on how he is making you feel.

 

[AvidFan]

Sort of OK. Seem to have got some kind of sleep for 3 nights in a row and my body battery thing says it charged well last night based on heart rate etc. Got the first roofer coming today. There's already been a blip when they pushed it back an hour - but I took it in my stride. Got new credit card and paid the balance from last month. I've finagled a couple of days off the office work tomorrow and Friday so will either do remote work or take it easy. Can't really concentrate until I know what's happening with this roof. Am not panic stations and heart rate has come down a bit after being up for 2-3 days.

 

[SillyOldBear]

We are damaged but not broken.

We are all damaged; in one way or another.

 

[AvidFan]

Suicidal. Knew I'd woken up in too good a mood and life was just waiting to kick me. Thought this would be like most things in life - never as bad as you think. Unfortunately it is as bad as I thought - I have been told I need a new roof, new tiles, new woodwork, chimney work, everything - £13000. That's the kind of money I don't have, and kicks in my plan of letting my inheritors pay for the work with my life insurance if they want to live in the house or sell it on. I'm essentially fucking finished financially.

 

[AvidFan]

I have to laugh at my clueless optimism and positive self talk. I told myself I was going to feel relieved if they said it was £8k as that might be just about doable, somehow. This is in fuck it CTB territory. Let someone else pick up the pieces and deal with it. Now I'm supposed to be completely on it for a couple of meetings.

 

[TragicReality]

I have to laugh at my clueless optimism and positive self talk. I told myself I was going to feel relieved if they said it was £8k as that might be just about doable, somehow. This is in fuck it CTB territory. Let someone else pick up the pieces and deal with it. Now I'm supposed to be completely on it for a couple of meetings.

I'm sorry @AvidFan I hope you find a way and sorry you feel suicidal

 

[TragicReality]

I was doing ok. It does seem like whenever things seem better for me something else comes around to destroy my emotional wellbeing

 

[AvidFan]

I was doing ok. It does seem like whenever things seem better for me something else comes around to destroy my emotional wellbeing

It's horrible, sorry this keeps happening for you too. 😟

 

[Gravestone]

Frustrated

 

[AnHeroTransGirl]

Annoyed, screwed and stuck. It's snowing today which I would normally like but I wish I could go to the store because I'm out of soda, but even then I'm still sorta broke.