How Are You Feeling Right Now?

[AmberMarie]

i'm not sure how i feel. Kinda relieved that it's over. Anxious that they wont be able to help me. She will be consulting with the docs there to see if they are the best fit for me n what they can do for me. i know i need the help. In a way i'm glad i did it... however i am also scared to no end. Not scared to go... i am scared that it has been nearly my entire life that i have been this way, i am scared they wont be able to help me. That i am beyond help!

Thank you for your well wishes @Inastorm and @puffymilk

 

[Inastorm]

i'm not sure how i feel. Kinda relieved that it's over. Anxious that they wont be able to help me. She will be consulting with the docs there to see if they are the best fit for me n what they can do for me. i know i need the help. In a way i'm glad i did it... however i am also scared to no end. Not scared to go... i am scared that it has been nearly my entire life that i have been this way, i am scared they wont be able to help me. That i am beyond help!

Thank you for your well wishes @Inastorm and @puffymilk

AmberMarie, I think taking these steps are really important and I think a well done to you is in order.

I think it might be helpful to have a think about what therapy goals you want and what your expectations are by going into therapy. It's okay to set goals for your therapist and kind of have an agreement of what you can do and what they can do for you.

In respect to your 'i am beyond help' thoughts, this comes down to your expectations and what you want to do. For example if you where in a wheelchair, not able to move from the neck down, and your expectation was to go running, then indeed you might be beyond help. But if your goal was to be able to go outside and enjoy your surrounds, then that could be possible. It's all about managing your own expectations, and there are lot's of different ways you will be able to make possible things you want to do, you just might need to take things slowly at first. You will get there.

 

[AmberMarie]

AmberMarie, I think taking these steps are really important and I think a well done to you is in order.

I think it might be helpful to have a think about what therapy goals you want and what your expectations are by going into therapy. It's okay to set goals for your therapist and kind of have an agreement of what you can do and what they can do for you.

In respect to your 'i am beyond help' thoughts, this comes down to your expectations and what you want to do. For example if you where in a wheelchair, not able to move from the neck down, and your expectation was to go running, then indeed you might be beyond help. But if your goal was to be able to go outside and enjoy your surrounds, then that could be possible. It's all about managing your own expectations, and there are lot's of different ways you will be able to make possible things you want to do, you just might need to take things slowly at first. You will get there.

i hadn't thought about it in that way. Thank you for your incite. In a small way... it makes it feel like less to bite off.

 

[LumberJack]

. This person hasn't died.

IMHO, grief can be for any significant loss. It’s not just for people who have died. I think this is in line with what psychologists have found, but I would have to double check that. The end of a relationship is going to come with grief, because although your friend hasn’t died, you are no longer connected. It’s a shitty feeling.

Just in my experience, I recently lost my job. I went through a grief process over the change. I was anticipating the layoffs and had estimated that I would be cut this time around. I also didn’t fit the job anymore, due to business needs changing over time.

I was hired to do the coding equivalent of a warehouse forklift operator. Over time I adapted to changing needs, and ended up as the coding equivalent of a retail stocking agent. I’m good at, and prefer the work I was hired for, and I saw the layoff as a chance to refocus my career.

Even with all that, I struggled with change. In the better case, I would have left a year ago, but I was so attached to the company that I stayed too long. It was not nearly as intense of the grief over losing the love of my life to cancer, but it was still the same flavor.

 

[LumberJack]

I’m all over the place. I’m feeling okay about myself and my own life. I also feel nothing short of terror when I think about the people in Palestine. I had classmates in college who were studying abroad from Palestine.

Their stories were heartbreaking then. Now that they are under siege from a much more powerful adversary, it feels awful. I get that my sympathies won’t help. I still just can’t even comprehend the devastation.

 

[Inastorm]

IMHO, grief can be for any significant loss. It’s not just for people who have died. I think this is in line with what psychologists have found, but I would have to double check that. The end of a relationship is going to come with grief, because although your friend hasn’t died, you are no longer connected. It’s a shitty feeling.

Just in my experience, I recently lost my job. I went through a grief process over the change. I was anticipating the layoffs and had estimated that I would be cut this time around. I also didn’t fit the job anymore, due to business needs changing over time.

I was hired to do the coding equivalent of a warehouse forklift operator. Over time I adapted to changing needs, and ended up as the coding equivalent of a retail stocking agent. I’m good at, and prefer the work I was hired for, and I saw the layoff as a chance to refocus my career.

Even with all that, I struggled with change. In the better case, I would have left a year ago, but I was so attached to the company that I stayed too long. It was not nearly as intense of the grief over losing the love of my life to cancer, but it was still the same flavor.

Thanks for this. Even though this person had been my only relationship in my life and has lasted for 27 years (a relationship quite complex, not straightforward), where the parting reasons are complex and bonkers, I some how have been feeling my grieving is somehow not justified and in some respects I don't want to grieve, I just want to work things out with them (I've tried but not in my power), so have no choice but to grieve. Thanks again, it's interesting the way you put it.

 

[Inanimate]

Bored, restless, and fed up with everything. What was once my churning well of tears is now a parching cauldron of anger whose bottom I can’t see. I could cry to halt my frustration, but I hardly have any tears left to burn. All that remains is my sanity.

 

[Windhover]

Like SF is my last chance and I've wrecked it.

 

[AmberMarie]

Like SF is my last chance and I've wrecked it.

Hugs!!!

 

[Inanimate]

Can’t get out of my head. I look to SF for salvation, but I don’t even know what that looks like. A simple distraction? Instant gratification? Everything is so trivial. I’m so empty. I’m so alone.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

I've been decluttering more and it seems easier to part with things for whatever reason.

 

[Inanimate]

Like SF is my last chance and I've wrecked it.

SF doesn’t have the power to give or take your only chance. That power belongs to you.

 

[puffymilk]

Pretty good I think

 

[puffymilk]

Can’t get out of my head. I look to SF for salvation, but I don’t even know what that looks like. A simple distraction? Instant gratification? Everything is so trivial. I’m so empty. I’m so alone.

Hope you will feen better soon

 

[Windhover]

SF doesn’t have the power to give or take your only chance. That power belongs to you.

You're correct, and thanks for the reminder to get things into a better perspective. I'm trying to find ways to refill the batteries.

 

[SillyOldBear]

I just did my grocery shopping. So I feel broke.

 

[1Lefty]

Like SF is my last chance and I've wrecked it.

(((hugs)))

peace

 

[Lane]

I just did my grocery shopping. So I feel broke.

The struggle is real. I hope that things go smoothly for you.

 

[Lane]

Can’t get out of my head. I look to SF for salvation, but I don’t even know what that looks like. A simple distraction? Instant gratification? Everything is so trivial. I’m so empty. I’m so alone.

I can relate to some of how you feel. I've been here for many years and even now I'm sometimes at a loss for words. I just hope that in time life will get better for you, me, all of us.

 

[Lane]

Like SF is my last chance and I've wrecked it.

Youre an important part of the community here seabird. Whatever happened, I hope that it resolves itself. You can always PM me.