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How Are You Feeling Right Now?

So as I've gone on about it in previous posts, I've had a relationship break down (27 years, my only relationship in life), I'm struggling a lot, where I imagine they are too, this isn't a poor me post. It's just waking up in the mornings are so tough, as for the last 3 months or so, I've been having nightmares about the relationship every night. I dream about them every single night and wake up feeling really shit and missing them - this is how I start every single day, it's torture.
 
So as I've gone on about it in previous posts, I've had a relationship break down (27 years, my only relationship in life), I'm struggling a lot, where I imagine they are too, this isn't a poor me post. It's just waking up in the mornings are so tough, as for the last 3 months or so, I've been having nightmares about the relationship every night. I dream about them every single night and wake up feeling really shit and missing them - this is how I start every single day, it's torture.
I was married for 25 years.I still dream about my x generally after I see him. so i try not to see him. It gets better but it takes time. I didn't believe the adage since it took a long time for me but it's true. It's not easy. I haven't read your previous posts - I should - but I've been afraid of dredging up the memories. Take care.
 

LumberJack

Huggy Bear 🐻 u r warned!
SF Supporter
I’m feeling fairly good. I felt really tired yesterday. Instead of powering through with more caffeine and sugar, I rested. I went to bed on time and didn’t force myself out of bed. I slept in as long as I wanted, and I really needed it.

I am doing better with self care, especially drinking more water. I think I want more sleep because my body is starting to heal.
 

Lane

SF Pro
SF Supporter
I spent the day with my adult daughter. Breakfast, pedicures, movie and lunch. Nice day. Then she left to go home to her family. Now the house is super empty and I'm back to being alone. I hate being lonely after a day like this. I know I should be appreciative of the time she spent with me but I have angst being alone and after a happy busy house the feeling is real.
I understand how you feel. Its not a good feeling.
 

LumberJack

Huggy Bear 🐻 u r warned!
SF Supporter
Amazed by how far from home I am.

I’ve seen the Himalayas. *wacko It can’t be real.
That’s awesome. I’m a Buddhist and there are many (well, basically all) of the sacred sites are in Nepal or India. So I know many people who have been there. I’m not big on pilgrimage myself, but if I had the opportunity to ride along with someone who was able to book the trip, I would definitely take it.
 

LumberJack

Huggy Bear 🐻 u r warned!
SF Supporter
I’m in so much pain that I can hardly stand myself. It’s like a combination of rage and panic. It’s not both at the same time, but rather I’m oscillating from one extreme to the other over intervals averaging about 45 seconds.

Fuck me, fuck the world, fuck everything. At least I have enough self awareness to know that now is a bad time to make any life decisions. I’m home for the night, which virtually guarantees that I won’t do something stupid, but I’m not one to underestimate my own ability to do things that make perfect sense at the time, and turn out to be regrettable in the morning.
 

Windhover

meandering home
SF Supporter
I'm maybe slightly less anxious than usual. Perhaps I can sleep without nightmares. They've been chronic and I'm so tired of the fear. I'm having to force myself to stay present, otherwise I keep ping-ponging from worry for the future, back into the recent past, and then adding terrible sadness and the lack of control to it, which brings me to a very bad set of thoughts.
 

Lane

SF Pro
SF Supporter
I’m in so much pain that I can hardly stand myself. It’s like a combination of rage and panic. It’s not both at the same time, but rather I’m oscillating from one extreme to the other over intervals averaging about 45 seconds.

Fuck me, fuck the world, fuck everything. At least I have enough self awareness to know that now is a bad time to make any life decisions. I’m home for the night, which virtually guarantees that I won’t do something stupid, but I’m not one to underestimate my own ability to do things that make perfect sense at the time, and turn out to be regrettable in the morning.
I hope you can find some peace soon LumberJack. And yes, glad you're home and safe. *console
 

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