How Are You Feeling Right Now?

[LumberJack]

I feel sad and ashamed. Ashamed for being weak and trusting people who intentionally betrayed me. I also feel guilty that I just can’t get over it. Nobody cares but me.

The perpetrators have probably already forgotten about me entirely. I imagine they were gloating about taking advantage of me, since that is apparently the point of the whole operation. I am trying to do the work of restoring my sense of safety and confidence in my ability to make important decisions. I have had no success yet.

 

[LumberJack]

Ribs are still pretty painful, bad for the light knock they got, must have damaged the soft tissue in between. Hopefully I will soon be able to breathe in fully without pain. The hip and knee issues are long gone - no flare up after my run yesterday, just my sodding ribs now. Going to bed. Much love to you all. ❤️

I am glad the hip and knee pain has subsided. The rib injury has got to be painful. I pulled an intercostal muscle in between two ribs. I was overdoing it in the gym and used poor form. And that’s how I learned that the muscles are called intercostal, lol. 😂

 

[LumberJack]

That is something I know that I and others can and may identify with. It is like for me if someone asks what is my happiest or most joyful memory and I just answer there have been none in my life. Or ask what do I want in lifeand my answer is nothing. Nothing is something, it is void and emptiness. That is what I want.

I have many happy memories, but all my memories fade over time, which I think is just human.

I also want to return to the void; I imagine that would be the same state I was in before my birth. I had no experience. I imagine that is the state after my brain runs down at the end of my life.

 

[AmberMarie]

Extremely alone in

I feel sad and ashamed. Ashamed for being weak and trusting people who intentionally betrayed me. I also feel guilty that I just can’t get over it. Nobody cares but me.

i can understand how you can feel that way and i am sorry it's been so very difficult for you to "get over it".

i will say that i am certain that you are quite a lot stronger then you feel and believe you are. You have overcome loads. Including strong addictions. That to me shows extreme strength.

Everyone gets over grief in their own time. i wish you didnt feel ashamed because there is nothing to be ashamed about. You will, at some point, be able to move past it. Try to trust in that.

i wish you could be kinder to yourself. Maybe if you tried to talk to yourself in the same way you would talk to a friend that you care greatly for. You deserve to be kind to yourself.

 

[HappyKitty]

Happy B-day HappyKitty

thank you guise, i had a great family quality time😺🤗

 

[Windhover]

Ashamed for being weak and trusting people who intentionally betrayed me. I also

I wish this weren't the case, because I would very much like for neither you nor I to have those feelings. Yet it's comforting to know I'm not the only one feeling stuck. People do get past this; I have to believe it's possible without violence to self or others. Best to you LumberJack.

hug

 

[HappyKitty]

Lol requesting my psychiatry to top up usual meds and my kpins. Have tonwait for 5 working days, please dont call me during work hours, Im not even allowed phone in. 🥲

Also on bright side, cdc vouchers is in yay like coupons for food means i can save my money more while waiting 2 more wks for pay day. 😺

 

[Inastorm]

I had awful dreams and nightmares about my missing person last night. Been having these for months and I wake up feeling really crap and missing them so much.

I dont know what to do, I want to reach out to them again but the rejection is a killer. I dont know what is worse.

 

[TragicReality]

I had awful dreams and nightmares about my missing person last night. Been having these for months and I wake up feeling really crap and missing them so much.

I dont know what to do, I want to reach out to them again but the rejection is a killer. I dont know what is worse.

I'm sorry you're going through this and having continuing nightmares. I hope they stop for you. Losing my own relationship and a gf who ghosted me a few years back, i think I understand a bit. I was pulled down and it took a couple years to stop feeling so awful and missing them. I reached out too,not getting any replies back. It hurts like heck. Hope you'll have a better sleep tonight.

 

[Inastorm]

I'm sorry you're going through this and having continuing nightmares. I hope they stop for you. Losing my own relationship and a gf who ghosted me a few years back, i think I understand a bit. I was pulled down and it took a couple years to stop feeling so awful and missing them. I reached out too,not getting any replies back. It hurts like heck. Hope you'll have a better sleep tonight.

Thanks for the kind message i appreciate that.
Yeah it's the ghosting thats a killer, especially after 27 years. We were very close, deep. I just feel in a state of panic with it all. We were so close in getting everything sorted as well, then the madness killed everything.

 

[AvidFan]

I am glad the hip and knee pain has subsided. The rib injury has got to be painful. I pulled an intercostal muscle in between two ribs. I was overdoing it in the gym and used poor form. And that’s how I learned that the muscles are called intercostal, lol. 😂

Thanks. Yeah it's definitely damage to the intercostal - either the shears handle hit it directly between the ribs, or hit the ribs hard enough to traumatize the muscle. I just read a website which said if it doesn't heal within a few days you must see a doctor. Then quoted the NHS guidance that says if you have BROKEN ribs, you should see a doctor if it doesn't heal in 6 weeks. I don't know who or what writes this contradictory nonsense. I do know I had a much worse case on the other side after falling directly onto the pavement while being concurrently 13 stone and moving at pace, that did take over 3 months to heal and I had to sleep upright on the sofa as it was complete hell to even lie down. I went to the doctors and he did all these tests then said it looked like my breathing was affected and sent me to the emergency room for x-rays. It was all fine and they didn't get why I'd been sent but they did give me some better painkillers. These days I just have decent painkillers on hand as that's about all they can do/will for these kinds of injuries and the NHS doesn't want to know unless you're literally dying or bleeding out. Be a bit different if a snapped rib was floating around in my abdomen, but that's likely not the case. I'll just keep sucking up the pain - and painkillers! And hope my fast hip and knee healing weirdness applies to the intercostal muscles!

 

[Inastorm]

Thanks. Yeah it's definitely damage to the intercostal - either the shears handle hit it directly between the ribs, or hit the ribs hard enough to traumatize the muscle. I just read a website which said if it doesn't heal within a few days you must see a doctor. Then quoted the NHS guidance that says if you have BROKEN ribs, you should see a doctor if it doesn't heal in 6 weeks. I don't know who or what writes this contradictory nonsense. I do know I had a much worse case on the other side after falling directly onto the pavement while being concurrently 13 stone and moving at pace, that did take over 3 months to heal and I had to sleep upright on the sofa as it was complete hell to even lie down. I went to the doctors and he did all these tests then said it looked like my breathing was affected and sent me to the emergency room for x-rays. It was all fine and they didn't get why I'd been sent but they did give me some better painkillers. These days I just have decent painkillers on hand as that's about all they can do/will for these kinds of injuries and the NHS doesn't want to know unless you're literally dying or bleeding out. Be a bit different if a snapped rib was floating around in my abdomen, but that's likely not the case. I'll just keep sucking up the pain - and painkillers! And hope my fast hip and knee healing weirdness applies to the intercostal muscles!

Hope you feel better soon. Make sure you go to the doctor if you start getting breathing issues. You could always see the practice nurse.

 

[HappyKitty]

no amount of eye patches can fix this. enjoys stress cleaning till I decluttered my room and only accepts payment for food rn 😺

 

[LumberJack]

I feel a little better today. Yesterday I spoke about what was going on with me with a very close friend who has been through similar difficulties.

His underlying trauma is very different, but the results were very similar. It helped just to talk about it. I have come up with a couple ideas that I think would work. I was not able to figure this out alone because I was too wrapped up in my repetitive, intrusive thoughts.

 

[HappyKitty]

how ironic. i feel my ritalin is giving ocd cus i enjoy the hoarding and decluttering cycle, when i review my finance, thats when I stop. and it explains my pt job scope as a debt collector. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

 

[AvidFan]

Think my ribs have eased just a little, maybe a 10% shift downwards.

 

[Inastorm]

I must say, thank god for SF forum, its kept me from freaking out today and got me through my work day.

 

[puffymilk]

Doing pretty good

 

[puffymilk]

I must say, thank god for SF forum, its kept me from freaking out today and got me through my work day.

 

[Rocky Point]

sad