Unsure of how I can hope to improve my life when starting one is so demoralizing. Academically, I have no ambition nor interests. Vocationally, I couldn’t care less. Socially, I’m scrambling in the dark. In all avenues of human life, an imposing wall looms ahead, and I feel powerless and unwilling to approach them all on my own.
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How Are You Feeling Right Now?
- Thread starter UNREGISTERED0000
- Start date
Mixed feelings of worry, anxiety, hope. There's a project at work that my boss put two of us on. It's challenging to me and the material I'm working with is unclear at times, so I feel like I'm guessing. While I'm grateful that my boss thinks I can handle it, I also feel resentment that the rest of my team of 20 doesn't have to do it or anything really, because work has been slow.
Just had enough. I went out for a walk and seriously thought is this going to be the day I do it? I've been completely shafted. Tried to get in touch with person who installed gutter/did roof work with a 5 year guarantee as their poor work is causing me problems. No response, tried whatsapp - they've clearly even nuked their phone as message not even delivered. They don't want to be found. Then got in touch with the guy who's done other work for me and he's blanking me now. I've not been able to get to see a doctor. What's the point of seeing a doctor, are they going to be able to help me switch off my stupid fucking brain permanently? I know how to do that and it's very appealing to just go to sleep, the deepest peace, and finally people can say Rest in peace, no more worries, no more suffering, no more scammers, liars and fakes. I won't have a tombstone but on it would be the legend "Finally got terminally sick of all the bullshit".
I found out through a coworker who is my male friend of 10 plus years, that someone that works and does what he does, is in the hospital. He's the friend that can make anyone laugh. I also know he struggles with back pain from years of hard work. I let his friend know, who was my landlord a few years back. It's disheartening, they wrote a letter to his colleagues, my friend let me see it. It says all they know is he'll be in the hopsital for a while, and there's no further update until they know anything else, but there's a link for support for people that work there, which makes me worry he is dying or was in a driving accident. I just saw him a couple weeks ago, he asked how I was, I said I'm better. I said how are you? He said, I think I dehyrdated myself twice today. All I could offer the last time was water. I wish I had been here when he cut our grass last time, to say hello and ask how he's doing but I made a drive that day. Then I find out that landlord has cancer, he's starting chemo and radiation next week. I feel sad. Here I am, i wanted death and now that I worry about my health I want my life to work out. I sure hope they will both be ok. When no gfs, all the men that are my friends keep an eye out for me, I appreciate it. Like how he offered to change my car battery. I wanted to hug him when I hadn't seen him in years.
Sorry for the ramble... I'm not suicidal but I look at my pills sometimes. If I lose these guys, i'd have almost no one that even says hello. I am getting along better with neighbors here but I don't know them like my other guy friend.
Sorry for the ramble... I'm not suicidal but I look at my pills sometimes. If I lose these guys, i'd have almost no one that even says hello. I am getting along better with neighbors here but I don't know them like my other guy friend.
Hope it's ok to add, from me too Mike @1964dodge , I've been thinking of you, and I'm also sending you good thoughts, that I hope you're as ok as can be, and a hug.
I'm not doing so well. I've been self isolating. The relationship that seemed to be going so well completely fell apart last night in an embarrassing way (we were on Facetime after spending the whole day talking when her best friend walked in her room and kissed her full on the mouth...so...yeah). I feel mortified I liked her and trusted that she liked me too. On top of that I got some upsetting medical news this week and I just feel like I don't understand what the point of trying is anymore when life just feels like non-stop pain.
Ok, for the first time this week. No crises today - financial, work, health or house. or other. Managed to work and be functional. Managed to feel some optimism and positivity. I have that, it's just buried under a relentless onslaught of crap a lot of the time. My mental health is like my physical health - fucking changeable. Today I thought for the first time in ages that I might actually be able to try running again sometime. The leg is settling down and the rest of the body has stopped joining in with it. I think my nervous system has been on fire for the last year at least.... Onwards and upwards! For now.