How Are You Feeling Right Now?

[Congratsbaby]

Trying to be less needy with my fiance bcz I don't feel like he puts me first or even has the ability since he's all about himself. The problem is my future/retirement is tied to him. I get nervous when I think of actually getting married and having to be with him 24/7. He is open to communication, and i have tried in the past, but i realize that at 64 it's hard to change. He's annoying. There's no getting around that. I don't know why I'm posting this exactly but it plays on my mind. Thank you for reading.

Are you a lady ? I thought you were a man. No bad intentions , I am just curious. And obviously you can be a man too , if you would like to answer.
One more question , would you like if I ask something related to your fiance / love life ?

 

[AvidFan]

I can see how you'd be exhausted with all that's going on Avid. Having a house is a big responsibility, $$$. Then add in other life stuff and it sure does get overwhelming. Im wishing the best for you during this trying time.

Thank you @Lane, much appreciated. I have made some progress today. Weather forecast not good on Wednesday so had to cancel my window sealing booking but he's being flexible and we are going to play it by ear next week, which gives me breathing space as I need to get the materials otherwise it's a bit complicated (taskrabbit thing). I've got in touch with a specialist gutter company who put my rear gutter on and asked if they can come and look, spoke to them and booked them in Thursday. So suddenly 2 huge pressure points have eased off. Fingers crossed I can solve at least one of the problems, which might make the rest more manageable.

 

[Aurelia]

Linzess is a lifesaver for chronic constipation. I hadn't gone in 9 days about two weeks ago and had to go to the hospital at that point. My medicine, which I desperately needed to take, was making me constipated and there seemed to be no solution because I was afraid of coming off of the antipsychotic and the voices coming back again. They did all kinds of enemas on me and nothing. Absolutely nothing was working. So then I had no choice but to switch medicine to something else and as soon as I did, I was able to go. Then I had a bad reaction to the new antipsychotic, however, so they gave me another. This one seemed to be constipating me also. So finally my doctor prescribed Linzess and now I am going every day. Seems every antipsychotic has negative side effects of some kind :/ but they are also necessary if you continuously hear and see things that aren't there.

 

[LumberJack]

I question all medical systems, most personally when it comes to elder care. We took the route of seeking legal advice after my mother broke her hip while in rehab for her other broken hip. They then let her stay their fir several hours before an ambulance came. I was at the hospital before them and lived in another state.

I wish you luck and perseverance as you collect and cite your evidence. I hope youre compensated for what you went through LumberJack.

Yes, I have heard about similar bad experiences in elder care. It's another example of exploitation of a vulnerable population. In both cases, the people being harmed are less likely to be self-aware enough to understand that what's happening isn't right. With elder care, especially in the case of long term care insurance, once they have you in the door, they have their money. They can then proceed to neglect and abuse you and let you die in your own poop if that's what boosts the profit margin.

In my case, compensation is not possible. But possibly my complaint against the nursing board will affect the license of the head nurse who was calling the shots.

 

[crowgarden]

Done. I'm done. I want to die right here, right now. I'm sick and fucking tired of walking through this barren hellscape filled with nothing but billions of sharp needles that serve no purpose but to break me even further. Every step I take, no matter in which direction, feels like dying. I've lost count of the times I had to reassemble the broken puzzle that is me. Whenever I wake up I ponder if I'm the same person that closed their eyes and drifted off into the nothingness just hours before. I'm not sure what I am but I know that I'm not who I used to be anymore.

I'm nothing but a vessel for misery. I have a body but no soul. There is no "Me" anymore. I am a hunk of flesh that just so happens to be cursed with the DNA and "intelligence" of a human being. Feeding the system and letting it feed me just to perpetuate the cycle of suffering I'm currently living through. I have no hope anymore. I've been dealt a deck with cards that could never win.

Death is the only way to stop playing this game. I would rather forfeit everything I've gained than to take the humiliation and agony of getting trumped turn after turn after turn. I'm not a fighter. I'm a runner. And there's only one place I can run to where I'll never be found. But I know that I don't have the strength and courage to run. I'm eternally trapped between death and whatever one would call the state that I am in now.

This life is hell.

 

[AvidFan]

Done. I'm done. I want to die right here, right now. I'm sick and fucking tired of walking through this barren hellscape filled with nothing but billions of sharp needles that serve no purpose but to break me even further. Every step I take, no matter in which direction, feels like dying. I've lost count of the times I had to reassemble the broken puzzle that is me. Whenever I wake up I ponder if I'm the same person that closed their eyes and drifted off into the nothingness just hours before. I'm not sure what I am but I know that I'm not who I used to be anymore.

I'm nothing but a vessel for misery. I have a body but no soul. There is no "Me" anymore. I am a hunk of flesh that just so happens to be cursed with the DNA and "intelligence" of a human being. Feeding the system and letting it feed me just to perpetuate the cycle of suffering I'm currently living through. I have no hope anymore. I've been dealt a deck with cards that could never win.

Death is the only way to stop playing this game. I would rather forfeit everything I've gained than to take the humiliation and agony of getting trumped turn after turn after turn. I'm not a fighter. I'm a runner. And there's only one place I can run to where I'll never be found. But I know that I don't have the strength and courage to run. I'm eternally trapped between death and whatever one would call the state that I am in now.

This life is hell.

Sorry to hear how you're feeling. I have felt like this a lot lately, but not today, mostly - I hope things can get a little less hellish for you.

 

[may71]

I'm sorry things are so bad @cinnnamonflakez , it sounds awful.

Is there a way that SF can help?

Sending hugs if you would like hugs

 

[Aurelia]

So I apparently have a bowel obstruction. I knew that something became worse in the past few days, especially today. But get this, I went to a different hospital first and they wouldn't even do the test to see if there was an obstruction and sent me home. I should sue that doctor. He angered me. Thankfully, they saw it at this hospital. Now hopefully I can heal.

 

[Winslow]

So I apparently have a bowel obstruction. I knew that something became worse in the past few days, especially today. But get this, I went to a different hospital first and they wouldn't even do the test to see if there was an obstruction and sent me home. I should sue that doctor. He angered me. Thankfully, they saw it at this hospital. Now hopefully I can heal.

I will pray for you. The reason I pray for you is because I had the same problem that you have. When I was in the hospital, somebody prayed for me, and I was healed. Now it's my turn to pray, this time for you. 🙏

 

[LumberJack]

Gosh, I thought I was doing poorly and yet I read what problems other people are going thru and I feel like I have no right to complain! Despite having financial pressure and PTSD to cope with, I'm really just in a lot of pain. Physical and emotional pain are blending together such that I cannot tell the difference anymore. Does it matter when it's so bad that I can hardly think of anything else?

I'm reconsidering my position as a "militant" agnostic. The "militant" part is that I know that I don't know, and I also don't think it's even possible to know with certainty. Nonetheless, I'm wondering if maybe an external, personal God who hands out rewards and punishments might actually exist, because someone is punishing me and a lot of other people who don't know why.

 

[Aurelia]

I will pray for you. The reason I pray for you is because I had the same problem that you have. When I was in the hospital, somebody prayed for me, and I was healed. Now it's my turn to pray, this time for you. 🙏

Prayers are very welcome. Thank you. God hears us.

 

[AmberMarie]

We care about you @AmberMarie. I hope the med change is successful too. Please take care and be safe.

Thank you Lane. That truly means loads to me.

 

[Windhover]

I'm tired of myself telling itself these reactions, I want to hear about new stuff. I'm tired and broken. I'm tired and I'm going to bed.

 

[Mid Night]

Prayers are very welcome. Thank you. God hears us.

I'm praying for you too Aurelia.

 

[AvidFan]

Gosh, I thought I was doing poorly and yet I read what problems other people are going thru and I feel like I have no right to complain! Despite having financial pressure and PTSD to cope with, I'm really just in a lot of pain. Physical and emotional pain are blending together such that I cannot tell the difference anymore. Does it matter when it's so bad that I can hardly think of anything else?

I'm reconsidering my position as a "militant" agnostic. The "militant" part is that I know that I don't know, and I also don't think it's even possible to know with certainty. Nonetheless, I'm wondering if maybe an external, personal God who hands out rewards and punishments might actually exist, because someone is punishing me and a lot of other people who don't know why.

This is weird - I was just thinking of this from an alternative, simulation theory perspective - have I done this to myself as a kind of game where I flicked the settings onto nightmare mode by mistake? Any game played with cheats becomes too easy and boring very quickly, so you'd want some challenges built in, but I've felt so much like rage quitting and not wanting to play this stupid game any more. Or is it a weird alien kid's science experiment, and we're conscious sims being nudged around from crisis to crisis just to see when we start screaming.... Like people used to wall their sims in and set them on fire in the actual game... probably still going on to this day 😲

 

[Lane]

Thank you @Lane, much appreciated. I have made some progress today. Weather forecast not good on Wednesday so had to cancel my window sealing booking but he's being flexible and we are going to play it by ear next week, which gives me breathing space as I need to get the materials otherwise it's a bit complicated (taskrabbit thing). I've got in touch with a specialist gutter company who put my rear gutter on and asked if they can come and look, spoke to them and booked them in Thursday. So suddenly 2 huge pressure points have eased off. Fingers crossed I can solve at least one of the problems, which might make the rest more manageable.

I hope step by step all your house issues go away.

 

[Lane]

Are you a lady ? I thought you were a man. No bad intentions , I am just curious. And obviously you can be a man too , if you would like to answer.
One more question , would you like if I ask something related to your fiance / love life ?

Lol, all female. It is hard to tell gender here. Sure, I'll try to answer. Thanks @Congratsbaby.

 

[Lane]

Sad and surprised. I discovered that my sister died 2 weeks ago. Her husband (pedophile) never reached out to me or my niece, tacky. I keep thinking about her and how she took care of me as a child, she's older. Tomorrow, I'm driving the 2 hours to visit the grave and pay my respects. I hope that there's an office that can talk me where she's buried.

 

[AvidFan]

Sad and surprised. I discovered that my sister died 2 weeks ago. Her husband (pedophile) never reached out to me or my niece, tacky. I keep thinking about her and how she took care of me as a child, she's older. Tomorrow, I'm driving the 2 hours to visit the grave and pay my respects. I hope that there's an office that can talk me where she's buried.

So sorry to hear that @Lane I hope there is an office and they can help you.

 

[crowgarden]

Sorry to hear how you're feeling. I have felt like this a lot lately, but not today, mostly - I hope things can get a little less hellish for you.

Thank you.