How Are You Feeling Right Now?

[AmberMarie]

I can’t believe what I am. I can’t believe what I have become. I can’t believe have been so gullible and naive. I am profoundly sad, Embarrassed, ashamed. I have become the bumbling idiot I was told I am. I am the embarrassment I was told I am. These tears don’t cleanse me. Just a sign of immaturity and of my many weaknesses.

i am sorry you are feeling this way. i am sending good thoughts and comfort your way.

i would like to say that to me... crying is Not a sign of weakness. It's a strength... a really huge strength. Because it takes ones strength to allow oneself to be vulnerable around others. It takes strength to put aside fears and be vulnerable enough to have tears flow. i would also like to point our that in some of your posts to me you mention that i am strong. i am not strong enough to allow myself to have tears in front of others. Especially family!

(Stands on a soap box) As far as immaturity.... Your strength and willingness to be vulnerable, make you more mature than most of the population on earth. You are not whining... you are not going on n on like a "Karen" (sorry to all who are names Karen... i am just referencing the behavior widely known as a Karen). Your maturity shows in your willingness to help others. You are not out to step all over others to get to the top. You are not someone who take people and things for granted. You are not someone who feels the world owes them everything even if you d nothing. (aka entitled)

What i am saying @FlamingoWrangler, is you have been through an unwavering life altering situations. You deserve to have those tears. You deserve to be able to show them freely. To have people that will listen and not judge you. You are hurting and only you can decide how long it will take you to grieve. How long you need to cry. How hard you need to cry. And what you need to cry about. You are NOT weak, you are NOT immature. You are incredibly strong. All those on this forum, past, present, future... are Strong. Because it takes strength to ask for help... it takes strength and maturity to know you need help. And it takes strength to accept the help that is given.

(climbs down off my soapbox)
So please be gentle with yourself for as long as you need it. Give yourself grace. And sending you tight comforting hugs if you would like them and for as long as you need them!

 

[crowgarden]

i just broke up. it hurts so fckn bad. i dont even know what to say. i can only think about him. i havent been this miserable in a long time

 

[FlamingoWrangler]

P

i am sorry you are feeling this way. i am sending good thoughts and comfort your way.

i would like to say that to me... crying is Not a sign of weakness. It's a strength... a really huge strength. Because it takes ones strength to allow oneself to be vulnerable around others. It takes strength to put aside fears and be vulnerable enough to have tears flow. i would also like to point our that in some of your posts to me you mention that i am strong. i am not strong enough to allow myself to have tears in front of others. Especially family!

(Stands on a soap box) As far as immaturity.... Your strength and willingness to be vulnerable, make you more mature than most of the population on earth. You are not whining... you are not going on n on like a "Karen" (sorry to all who are names Karen... i am just referencing the behavior widely known as a Karen). Your maturity shows in your willingness to help others. You are not out to step all over others to get to the top. You are not someone who take people and things for granted. You are not someone who feels the world owes them everything even if you d nothing. (aka entitled)

What i am saying @FlamingoWrangler, is you have been through an unwavering life altering situations. You deserve to have those tears. You deserve to be able to show them freely. To have people that will listen and not judge you. You are hurting and only you can decide how long it will take you to grieve. How long you need to cry. How hard you need to cry. And what you need to cry about. You are NOT weak, you are NOT immature. You are incredibly strong. All those on this forum, past, present, future... are Strong. Because it takes strength to ask for help... it takes strength and maturity to know you need help. And it takes strength to accept the help that is given.

(climbs down off my soapbox)
So please be gentle with yourself for as long as you need it. Give yourself grace. And sending you tight comforting hugs if you would like them and for as long as you need them!

Thanks for your thoughts I appreciate you.

 

[AvidFan]

Relieved, sort of. It has been hammering rain all day, the buses turn to absolute shite on days like this - stuck in traffic with the rest of the delays.... Missed a bus by 1 minute, would have been packed full of wet people anyway. Taxi rank 1 was empty so walked down to the one a bit further along and at the front was one of the old style Hackney cabs (not these new fangled mini bus types with sliding door nonsense). Accosted driver, said my destination and off we set. £20 was worth it to avoid the stress of bus as my head was/is mangled from too much stress, overwork and zero sleep. But on getting home I had a sense of dread about how hard it had been raining. For once, I checked the windowsill and it was bone dry - so it's definitely only when the rain is blown with some force against the window that I get the water ingress. Which is not good - but as this happens about 2-3 times a year maybe, it's a lot better than if it was leaking in heavy rain as heavy rain is a constant. Also checked ceilings upstairs and all looked OK. Yes I am paranoid, I wish I wasn't. But these things feel like existential threats to a nervous system that has been through the wringer for so long....

 

[LumberJack]

overwhelmed. I am definitely still enjoying relief from the emotional tailspin that characterized the early part of this week. At the same time, I am going through my email and trying to make a list for today (well after lunch time, but that's how I work these days). I need to be looking for work, desperately. Yet, it feels like the last thing I want to do. I have been trying to push/force myself to do a minimal amount each day. That has been backfiring in the form of uncontrollable escape behaviors. In Buddhism there is the idea of a "middle" way. I put in quotes because middle does NOT mean equidistant from either extreme, but the appropriate point between two extremes, i.e., "not to tight, not too loose." I have been way too loose, but now I have over-corrected to being far too tight.

I do have some good things planned for today. I have a support group that I love on Wednesdays that is sometimes hard for me to get to because of the drive (35 min each way so almost 1.5 hours round trip after parking). Today I have a prescription refill that I need to pick up in the same neighborhood. I only have one day remaining of that med on hand so it's really likely that I will make it tonight.

 

[crowgarden]

i ran out of things to say. im just sick and tired of being, feeling, hurting, existing, everything. i pray to that dumbfuck in the sky i dont even believe in that this is the last day i have to spend in whatever this fckin hell is.

 

[Lane]

Been a crazy day and I'm thinking about past mistakes I've made. I miss my daughter, she's now in Vietnam for another week. We haven't really been away from eachother for more than 2 weeks since she's been born. Its gonna be hard when she moves and/or gets married. I hope everyone here is having a decent day

 

[Lane]

i ran out of things to say. im just sick and tired of being, feeling, hurting, existing, everything. i pray to that dumbfuck in the sky i dont even believe in that this is the last day i have to spend in whatever this fckin hell is.

Sorry to hear things are so tough for you @cinnamorollpetey. Im atheist too and it's hard when you don't have that power to fall back on. Glad youre here in this world though.

 

[Harmony]

Opened a can of worms with my virtual appt and feel like shit. Sad about the past, crying, and panicky. I so badly want to do something self-destructive, but I will refrain, knowing the aftermath will only make it all that much worse. Lesson learned. I'm going to wait to see a therapist trained in trauma before or if I ever disclose anything again. Revisiting those things and then being alone with it was a big mistake, one I did not see coming either.

 

[iloverachel]

Fed up with this life. With all the pain. With lack of available medical care. Can only see things getting worse. I so badly want to die. I have the means, but the will just isn't strong enough.

my friend

 

[Winslow]

He did a number of tests and came up with one I had thought of...allergy to something I came into contact with. Now taking prednisone which has alleviated and reduced much with the first dose, and an antihistamine which had me with no itching since taking it at 4:00 am. I am like him hoping it is a one time just chanced on something that set me off. Thanks so much for asking and to the others that have mentioned it.

Good to see you doing better. ⛵

 

[FlamingoWrangler]

So many emotions jumbled. Feels like a heavy blanket is slowly suffocating me. It’s hard to know what hurts the most~Past, present, future?
Future for the next few days is busy. Doggie day care tomorrow , take my brother to a medical center for a check up/tests Friday, then get to hang out with my sisters’ grandkids for my Saturday night. Distractions help.

 

[Lane]

So many emotions jumbled. Feels like a heavy blanket is slowly suffocating me. It’s hard to know what hurts the most~Past, present, future?
Future for the next few days is busy. Doggie day care tomorrow , take my brother to a medical center for a check up/tests Friday, then get to hang out with my sisters’ grandkids for my Saturday night. Distractions help.

I hope you have a great time with sisters grandkids. Thinking of you.

 

[FlamingoWrangler]

I hope you have a great time with sisters grandkids. Thinking of you.

Thanks, I hope so.

 

[Angie]

I am exhausted, physically and mentally.

So many doctor appointments and tests in such a short period of time. I have another test tomorrow, an echocardiogram.

Today I need to do laundry and clean my kitchen. These things seem "big" right now.

I also have to do recertification paperwork for my lease on the apartment.

 

[nicktheundoer]

i feel like i am always in everyone's way. Too broken... too needy... too damaged... and never enough. Like i can't do anything correctly and everything i touch seems to get ruined. i feel as though i have had all i can take. i can't keep going like this. i am too tired...

You're good enough. Your existence is precious. ❤️❤️

 

[nicktheundoer]

So many emotions jumbled. Feels like a heavy blanket is slowly suffocating me. It’s hard to know what hurts the most~Past, present, future?
Future for the next few days is busy. Doggie day care tomorrow , take my brother to a medical center for a check up/tests Friday, then get to hang out with my sisters’ grandkids for my Saturday night. Distractions help.

🫂🫂

 

[AvidFan]

I am exhausted, physically and mentally.

So many doctor appointments and tests in such a short period of time. I have another test tomorrow, an echocardiogram.

Today I need to do laundry and clean my kitchen. These things seem "big" right now.

I also have to do recertification paperwork for my lease on the apartment.

 

[AvidFan]

Relieved but also worried. Contacted numerous people about my window/lintel/leak. I do not expect to hear anything back or get any help and it makes me feel so powerless. I have earned the money to pay for my house to be repaired, I have cash waiting, but I cannot beg, implore, or bribe anyone to look at this fucking problem. What are you supposed to do when water is pouring into your house during storms, you can't fix it yourself, nobody will help and it's only going to get worse? It seems literally impossible.

At the same time, I cancelled work things for the first time in a very long time. This gives me the weekend and 2 days off next week, so 4 days altogether. It's worrying in a sense as this is the very first step in my exit plan - I wouldn't just suddenly end things, I would remove myself with notice first, from people who rely on me. Go off sick for a month to make my peace with things and prepare, doesn't matter about the lost income as I'll be gone, estate can pay the debts with my insurance. In this case I have pulled back to try to give my nervous system a break. I want to feel better and I want to be alive. But it scares me I've finally had to cave in and just stop, when I can't afford to. I hope I feel better by the end of it, and don't just cause myself more problems by having too much time on my hands to worry about the house. I worry where my mind will start going without work as a distraction. Hopefully it will help.

 

[Winslow]

Not happy but Not sad either. All I want is peace of mind--and I have it, so I have enough. 🎯