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How Are You Feeling Right Now?
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Thanks, @LumberJack, for your response. My father told me today he would help me with the cost, which is a relief. I have only $800 (in credit) and no cash. I'm actually in debt several thousand. I know we all do stupid things occasionally. I hope it's not too expensive.
Proud of you for washing the dishes and cooking!
A bit lacklustre. Had a mixed day but finished work for a few days. Got my group Christmas meal tomorrow. Might seem a nice thing, but any introverts or socially anxious/awkward people will know my dilemma with such situations. Half the time when I go to these things the first thing that happens is I sit next to someone I vaguely know or who looks friendly thinking I'll make a friend, and they just say sorry that seat's for my friend so I have to shrug and leave and go and find somewhere else to sit, often the last place left. Then there's table etiquette. Food gets plonked down and everybody else seems to know it's theirs, I freeze and wonder whether that's pilau or boiled rice and is that what I ordered or does it belong to someone else? I don't want to eat someone else's food. Then there's the small talk. Then there's the feeling like once I'm buckled in, there's no escape if I start feeling uncomfortable. Blame childhood for all this, along with my temperament and depleted energy levels. Going to try to lose myself in a show now 🤔
No advice but I also have social anxiety. I have ADHD, a symptom of which is rejection sensitivity, meaning we have an oversized negative response to someone who we feel rejected by.
I have sort of gotten around this in my own way. I’m embracing my utter awkwardness, and the CBT maxim that “what people think of me is none of my business!”
Of course, that has a crucial exception: unless they can affect my career, or they have coercive power over me. Then I do have to be laser focused on getting them to at least not make things worse. Aaaand you mentioned this is with coworkers so my methodology would run into the first exception. I still have a problem as well in environments where too many loud conversations are going on and/or more than 7 people I haven’t met before.
I have sort of gotten around this in my own way. I’m embracing my utter awkwardness, and the CBT maxim that “what people think of me is none of my business!”
Of course, that has a crucial exception: unless they can affect my career, or they have coercive power over me. Then I do have to be laser focused on getting them to at least not make things worse. Aaaand you mentioned this is with coworkers so my methodology would run into the first exception. I still have a problem as well in environments where too many loud conversations are going on and/or more than 7 people I haven’t met before.
I’m feeling good. I just got out of a neuro-diversity support group type of thing where we discuss various things about the ND style vs the more typical style. Today was about how we process and think about new information, as well as how we manage tasks. I came away with some new ideas, and much validation.
Really, really shitty with an anxiety "told you so" voice going off in my head. Spent all day wrestling with whether to pull out of this meal, in the end I forced myself to go along telling myself it would be worth the effort for the social reward.. Walked there, got my bearings, then took the plunge telling myself it would be OK and I would wonder what I was worrying about. Walked in, absolute chaos. Saw someone sort of familiar, made eye contact, said hello. Nothing. Absolute blank. About 20 people queing at the bar, nobody acknowledged me, looking around it was just packed table after packed table. I tried to catch the organisers eye but nothing again. I had no idea where I was supposed to sit, what was going on, and barely recognised anyone. After standing there for 5 minutes feeling totally lost and helpless, I decided my nervous system couldn't take 5 minutes of this let alone a whole evening and I walked out and walked home. 😟 I tried. I honestly did the best I could given my current state of mind, but this was absolutely the worst possible situation I could have put myself in, and I sort of knew it would be like that, and still tried. So I'll give myself kudos for that. But I basically wasted a day on something I didn't even attend in the end, and the inner critic will soon be detailing all the ways I should have handled the situation differently. But I am not an extrovert, I'm coming on the back of months of chronic stress, and walking into that situation completely overloaded me. I honestly do not belong anywhere.