How Are You Feeling Right Now?

[LumberJack]

Past 2 days have been a tailspin. I slept last night, though, and I feel better today. I’m really frustrated with myself for avoiding so much work that I have to do. I feel anxious about doing it and then I feel even more anxious when I don’t do it.

 

[LumberJack]

I feel horrible and alone. I feel like i am the only one who hasn't "snapped put of it". Not okay and im distancing myself from the ones i love since all i do is make them worry.

You’re not the only one - I don’t know if that helps.

 

[Something.idk]

You’re not the only one - I don’t know if that helps.

It does

 

[Something.idk]

Past 2 days have been a tailspin. I slept last night, though, and I feel better today. I’m really frustrated with myself for avoiding so much work that I have to do. I feel anxious about doing it and then I feel even more anxious when I don’t do it.

Its kind of like a never ending loop of i shoud just do it but i cant. I hope you feel better soon.

 

[Lane]

I keep thinking about my daughter and why she doesn't want anything to do with me. I dont fit into her perfect world, in the past, present and future.

 

[JanisSPK]

Past 2 days have been a tailspin. I slept last night, though, and I feel better today. I’m really frustrated with myself for avoiding so much work that I have to do. I feel anxious about doing it and then I feel even more anxious when I don’t do it.

 

[KM76710]

It does

I am glad it does help. You know this is a place even being apart from each other in person you do have others listening and caring how things are going for you.

 

[KM76710]

Post op pain woke me about 3 hours ago. Its now 2:45 am

I'm still processing the events of last week (surgery).

I am hopeful that the cancer is gone and I can go back to some semblance of a regular life.

You have all my thoughts for good results concerning the cancer. Life is tough enough by itself without more problems added.

 

[Something.idk]

I am glad it does help. You know this is a place even being apart from each other in person you do have others listening and caring how things are going for you.

Thank you i havent really been the best these days so it means a lot

 

[Windhover]

if I was already dead there would be 0 chances of me being even more stupid than I already have been

 

[LumberJack]

I'm feeling better. Really pushing myself to get some end of year things taken care of. Taking a lot of energy but it's keeping me busy which is distracting. I'm noticing automatic/intrusive thoughts all over the place though. Nothing new to me. I want to break the habit though of going into self-hatred and doom & gloom every time I have a spare second for a thought.

Also seem to be very emotionally raw today. I'm going thru some grief from losing my partner 9 years ago.

 

[LumberJack]

if I was already dead there would be 0 chances of me being even more stupid than I already have been

I don't know if would help for me to say something silly because I see a lot of pain there. I have definitely been there, and I know it's easy to feel that way. However "stupid" is a judgement. I don't think you deserve to be called that.

 

[Windhover]

The label 'stupid' is intentionally judgemental and in this case, I'm 95% sure I deserved it. The word label supposedly comes from an old word for ribbon and I should have one enbroidered with the words shut-up affixed to my hand.

Thanks @LumberJack; hugs are always helpful.

 

[Bergerac]

My self-harm, is getting out of control. But, I’m all alone in this; so I’ll have to manage.

 

[Inastorm]

About sums it up for me....

 

[may71]

if I was already dead there would be 0 chances of me being even more stupid than I already have been

If you were already dead, there would be 0 chances of your being just as wonderful as you already have been. It's hard for me to image that you've done anything so bad as to outweigh all the good things you've done.

In my eyes you are wonderful. Please be gentle with yourself.

Hugs Seabird

 

[may71]

I’m all alone in this; so I’ll have to manage.

You've got us though. I don't know if we'll be able to give you the help you need, but we can try.

Sending hugs

 

[LumberJack]

View attachment 74299
About sums it up for me....

Doesn't that mean that worrying is effective? I'm preventing bad things from happening by worrying about the possibility of them happening! See also: preventing alligator attacks by way of putting a banana in your ear.

 

[LumberJack]

The label 'stupid' is intentionally judgemental and in this case, I'm 95% sure I deserved it. The word label supposedly comes from an old word for ribbon and I should have one enbroidered with the words shut-up affixed to my hand.

Thanks @LumberJack; hugs are always helpful.

Well, I could say to not beat yourself up, but even knowing this does not stop me. It would be kind of like trying to help someone with something I do poorly for myself. Regrets hurt, even more so, I think, when what we regret is about failing to protect ourselves or trusting the wrong people.

I even have a whiteboard that has a magnetic backing stuck to my front door (on the inside). I wrote a little note to myself there that says, "forgive your past self for not knowing what you know now." I see this on the way to the bathroom so that's at least 5 times a day. I still am beating myself up over poor decision making from my past that still plagues me. It's a very common trauma response, though.

If it's my fault, then I have some control over the situation. I shoulda/coulda/woulda but I didn't and that's on me. If it's not my fault, then I'm vulnerable to being hurt regardless of what I do. So my reflexive anger is telling a story that the more negativity I lay on myself, the more likely I will avoid getting hurt in the future.

 

[LumberJack]

wow. right after I put the last update a few hours ago, I have been through emotional hell and back. Just like unbearably angry, and then I cried a little, and was less angry. I'm still mildly irritable, but wow, when I was caught up in it I don't think I could have even had a coherent conversation with another person