@Pebble mouse I had been wondering how were doing, because I hadn't seen you post for a while. I hope the episode clears away soon so you can feel a lot better.
Frustrated bcz of work. We are so backed up bcz we were locked out of the department yesterday. Thecomputers went down and are acting wonky. I just want to do my job in peace.
Frustrated bcz of work. We are so backed up bcz we were locked out of the department yesterday. Thecomputers went down and are acting wonky. I just want to do my job in peace.
Figures. The system locks up just in time for year end, I’m guessing? Maybe not if your employer has an unusual fiscal year, but I haven’t seen that at any business where I had to know.
The activities which used to be enjoyable and re-charge my batteries, no longer do so. I guess that maybe they used to provide a bit of dopamine. I've had to find a way to use discipline to stick to routines of self-care and eating, etc. I can be miserable decomposing on the couch, or miserble doing a workout, so I choose workouts. Tired of the shoulder is hurting 24/7
Now that I think about it, I got up this morning at 03:00 my time. My usual bedtime is 03:00-4:30 or so. In light of this, I have been up the whole time I would normally be sleeping. It’s like a whole extra day.
That is, except for the fact that yesterday I was so tired that I felt accomplished for doing 90 minutes of chores. I didn’t get anything high priority done because my brain wasn’t even going to try.
The activities which used to be enjoyable and re-charge my batteries, no longer do so. I guess that maybe they used to provide a bit of dopamine. I've had to find a way to use discipline to stick to routines of self-care and eating, etc. I can be miserable decomposing on the couch, or miserble doing a workout, so I choose workouts. Tired of the shoulder is hurting 24/7
Funnily enough yes I managed to self harm* in multiple ways all in one go. Almost like the old days, well, actually exactly like that. *I knew I was pushing myself too far.
Funnily enough yes I managed to self harm* in multiple ways all in one go. Almost like the old days, well, actually exactly like that. *I knew I was pushing myself too far.
You and me both. I don’t seem to have any dimmer switches around my physical efforts. I’m either sedentary, or I’m training so hard I get an injury- because I have a delayed pain response. By the time I notice I’m at my edge, I have already done 3 reps too many.
And I study the middle way along with yoga! You’d think I could figure out how to feel my own body by now. My problem is that I’m starting from almost entirely dissociated and the verbal mind is going at warp speed compared to any physical sensations, unless I set aside time and just sit. Feel. Notice. Noticed that I am sweating my eyeballs out and it’s 68 F out. Dehydrated, hungry, and probably need a shower. I had a shower this morning! Granted, this morning was 20 hours ago, so….
i feel like running away. i don't know where to but i wanna be somewhere else. i wanna start over. a new town, a new home, maybe a new name, people that don't know me, a different life. i know it wouldn't fix anything in the long run but staying here won't make things better. it wouldn't be the first time.
Probably shouldn't have discussed the sh. Sorry about that. I am okay for now.
@LumberJack I hope you find the middle ground. Usually, I am moderate in my workouts, especially running. I've been running on and off for over 25 years, and part of that in mountains on trails. It's just lately since the break-up that I have over taxed my self in certain ways for the strength training. (I'm not strong). I've learned my lesson. After another week of rest I'm going back to just runing and core work.
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