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How Are You Feeling Right Now?
- Thread starter UNREGISTERED0000
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Lesson learned for the 700th time. Self protection comes before love and care, even with family members. I was feeling such terrible pain in my jaw I almost called emergency services. It was so strange and moreso that it was brought on by a bizarre social thing that happened the day before yesterday. I know now; this person is liable to lash out at me, so I've got to put a formidable, permanent glass wall between us. I made the right decision to go to bed, piled all the pillows around and behind me and blankets on top, and slept. Carrying on despite depression: I'm going out today for a slow run and later on an app't.
Sort of anxious. Supposed to be heading to the coast tomorrow, today the rail station (major one) completely shut down and no trains running until at least 7am tomorrow. Heaven knows if my train will be impacted or not - it could be an adventure just getting there, at least ticket will be valid for later trains, even if I have to go on some weird odyssey....
Unfortunately, yes. It’s very easy to fall into the trap of “I don’t need to be on my guard around so-and-so, because they’re my…” Instead, that trust is earned through years of consistent “safe” behavior, and the few people who do earn it become those who are loved and cared for the most.
I hope you’re okay.
I hope you’re okay.
Tired of people asking me if I thought about - or telling me to - sell my paintings. Is that the only point of making art that people value? Making money from it? 
It’s sad and frustrating, but not their fault really. They didn’t choose to exist in a society that constantly reinforces that mindset.
Tired of people asking me if I thought about - or telling me to - sell my paintings. Is that the only point of making art that people value? Making money from it?
(I also paint, and admit I do sell certain works). It's not any of their business, and they're way out of line even though they don't know it. Their minds automatically respond wih the archaic yardstick and judgements, which they'll usually tell you despite not being asked. There's an enormous erroneous assaumption on their part, "She's an artist and I see her work, therefore she'll be happy to interact and provide details about her life including monetary transactions."
Tired of people asking me if I thought about - or telling me to - sell my paintings. Is that the only point of making art that people value? Making money from it?
This is, however, my idealized imagination that the birthplaces of my favorite artists and composers (not to mention mathematicians) might have something embedded in their culture that says doing something to express their humanity is more important than simple labor. I could be totally wrong, and I learned from interactions with certain German business people that what I learned about international business culture in Germany was horribly oversimplified. In other words, I don’t know jack (pun intended, again, lol!).
With all that said, maybe them suggesting you sell your work is the only vocabulary they have to express their positive feedback about your work, and maybe even a wish that more people would see it. I might say something like, hey tell me what influences you draw from stylistically, and what does this particular piece express from your view? And if the answer sort of leans in the direction of wanting to evoke a certain feeling for the viewer, or even just to let them decide what their interpretation is, I might ask if you have any plans for exhibitions or some other way to share your work. Of course if the answer is that it’s uniquely personal to you and only to be shared with others who you can be vulnerable with, then I would have an entirely different reaction.
I’m feeling generally fine, but I’m still stressing out over these intrusive thoughts. I’m not good enough, the world is better off using my biomass for fertilizer, I should end my survival ASAP, and nothing will ever work out the way I planned, let alone in a way that doesn’t make things worse for me long term. Then again, they are just thoughts.
I met with my therapist today, and I was trying to describe the abject terror I feel about my job search. I think that the word terror linguistically refers to the fear of death, of annihilation. However, that’s actually what I would prefer. What I really fear is having to live, and the logistical headaches that I have to deal with to secure food, shelter, and the rest.
On top of that, disorders of mood and thoughts are by definition not reasonable. Otherwise it would be realistic awareness. So I know from experience that I can be just as miserable when things are going outwardly well as I can when the debilitating effects of my problems prevent me from being a functioning adult. Which puts me in a difficult dilemma. I don’t want to cause the pain to others that would result from my self-imposed demise, but I also don’t feel invested in my own survival. I am putting one foot in front of the other for now. I am pretty much okay because I am still aware that my view can and frequently does change. I don’t have any idea yet, but maybe it will come if I let it?
I met with my therapist today, and I was trying to describe the abject terror I feel about my job search. I think that the word terror linguistically refers to the fear of death, of annihilation. However, that’s actually what I would prefer. What I really fear is having to live, and the logistical headaches that I have to deal with to secure food, shelter, and the rest.
On top of that, disorders of mood and thoughts are by definition not reasonable. Otherwise it would be realistic awareness. So I know from experience that I can be just as miserable when things are going outwardly well as I can when the debilitating effects of my problems prevent me from being a functioning adult. Which puts me in a difficult dilemma. I don’t want to cause the pain to others that would result from my self-imposed demise, but I also don’t feel invested in my own survival. I am putting one foot in front of the other for now. I am pretty much okay because I am still aware that my view can and frequently does change. I don’t have any idea yet, but maybe it will come if I let it?
Please try to be easier on yourself @I_waste_everything. I hope you have some peace very soon.
Tired of people asking me if I thought about - or telling me to - sell my paintings. Is that the only point of making art that people value? Making money from it?
I am sorry for the betrayal you've been inflicted with. I hope you heal.
Anxious and a bit scared. I decided to plough through and try to get to Wales - even though trains are very disrupted, the ones on that line were running on time. But then the hotel cancellation window passed so I was committed - at which point my hip/knee started flaring up carrying a couple of bags on the way to the bus, and I have a lot of carrying/walking I need to do all day today and then for 3 days until I get home. Really worried it's not going to hold uo, even though I've been walking 10,000 steps a day - don't fully trust my body at the moment. I will try to update, please keep fingers crossed for me!
Drying off in the washroom, for a precious moment I hope becomes a longer (for however much "longer" I'll be here)-lasting memory: I'm ready. In that moment I am absolutely ready. It is relief, clear feeling.
To end this failure-aftermath of a "life", and then try my actual life again, even if at the end of a long sleep.
To end this failure-aftermath of a "life", and then try my actual life again, even if at the end of a long sleep.
There's nothing wrong with selling them, and yes, it crossed my mind, too. But I have a million reasons not to sell them (like... "I don't wanna"), and if I ever do, it will only be occasional anyway.
I do feel like it would legitimize my hobby for a lot of people, though. I'd suddenly be a "professional" artist, not just a dabbler wasting my precious time on Earth. ^^
I do feel like it would legitimize my hobby for a lot of people, though. I'd suddenly be a "professional" artist, not just a dabbler wasting my precious time on Earth. ^^
Tired of people asking me if I thought about - or telling me to - sell my paintings. Is that the only point of making art that people value? Making money from it?
one year a friend asked for a magazine rack with a particular style. It was a challenge at times I wished I hadn’t agreed to. It was no fun at the end. Took a while before I got inspired to start working on wood again.