How Are You Feeling Right Now?
- Thread starter UNREGISTERED0000
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Well, I have had an objectively good day today. I heard from a friend that I admire quite a bit and we’ve had some deep conversations. In fact we are like brother and sister just not genetically, lol. She mentioned a certification in healthcare and I looked it up. It’s probably a cakewalk for me based on the subject matter vs my experience.
And yet, the damn intrusive thoughts. I am wearing out. That’s the only way I can think of to phrase it. “I” as in the thing I call myself, who makes decisions based on differing ratios of reason and emotion, doesn’t want to die.
However, the part of me that comes up with ideas and plans, and subconsciously puts plans into motion that I am not consciously aware of until the consequences hit, that guy is trying to kill both of us and the other parts of me as well. I’m weary of the constant battle.
And yet, the damn intrusive thoughts. I am wearing out. That’s the only way I can think of to phrase it. “I” as in the thing I call myself, who makes decisions based on differing ratios of reason and emotion, doesn’t want to die.
However, the part of me that comes up with ideas and plans, and subconsciously puts plans into motion that I am not consciously aware of until the consequences hit, that guy is trying to kill both of us and the other parts of me as well. I’m weary of the constant battle.
I'm a f#@%ing idiot.
I bought a new soda from the grocery store I work at, after one low-effort peek at the cover, concluding there's no caffeine.
Most of the thing being drunk, I take a deeper look at the fine print. And f^*& me, there IS caffeine.
It's midnight, and the rims of my eyeballs burn. I'm an idiot, I'm an idiot, I'm a reckless idiot. I have caused insomnia to come again, on a night of all nights where I'd especially like to have drifted to sleep sooner so I could write into long-term some particularly potent memories and inner mental advancements.
I bought a new soda from the grocery store I work at, after one low-effort peek at the cover, concluding there's no caffeine.
Most of the thing being drunk, I take a deeper look at the fine print. And f^*& me, there IS caffeine.
It's midnight, and the rims of my eyeballs burn. I'm an idiot, I'm an idiot, I'm a reckless idiot. I have caused insomnia to come again, on a night of all nights where I'd especially like to have drifted to sleep sooner so I could write into long-term some particularly potent memories and inner mental advancements.
Don't be too hard on yourself, they stick that stuff where it shouldn't go. I remember in benzo withdrawal I picked up a smoothie for energy - all natural with berries, fruits etc.... Drank it then had a look at the label and noticed CAFFEINE. So expected waves of anxiety and certainly got them! I hope you got some sleep in the end.
Not sure what is going on with me. My face hurts! As in every skin surface nerve ending feels like a hundred tiny fire ants stinging simultaneously. I also have a headache and found out that the voices of others, even over the radio, make the headache even worse. I have been taking more acetaminophen and naproxen than usual due to my jaw acting up. I am worried this might be a rebound headache, but right now it’s either that or claw my eyeballs out.
I'm really sorry for responding this late, but thank you so much! that's seriously way better advice than anything I've gotten from my therapist lately. I also managed to get back in contact with my doctors and if everything goes well I should get the new meds this Friday :')
but really, thank you. you've responded to pretty much everything I've posted here and you were always helpful. I can't express how grateful I am for that. I know I sometimes take really long to react and other times I don't reply at all, but I read everything you write and I really, really appreciate it. (the same goes for everyone else who's been trying to help me on here of course!)
have a nice day ^^
but really, thank you. you've responded to pretty much everything I've posted here and you were always helpful. I can't express how grateful I am for that. I know I sometimes take really long to react and other times I don't reply at all, but I read everything you write and I really, really appreciate it. (the same goes for everyone else who's been trying to help me on here of course!)
have a nice day ^^
Hurt,feel dumb,hopeless,and ready to end all my pain. Cant take watching my kids faces watching me cry. I cant live without them. My wife is trying to put all the bills on me even after i said i would split them. Is it on me to pay all the bills when she is throwing me out. She tells me she is done with me and has been for 2 yrs. 2 dam yrs and my stupid ass has been taken care of her. Im so dam hurt, she straight used me while i struggled to turn my life around with no help. Its so dam mest up that i wish i was dead. Now i might just make that a reality. Finding out i fought to be a family and really it was only me the whole time. Im useless and dont deserve to be here or anywhere. Feeling like this is not life its death.
I think you've been put in a bad situation. Even though you contributed financially and emotionally, the love you gave was not reciprocated. That doesn't mean you're stupid or useless. Being hurt and hopeless would make many of us feel desperate, but there can be a future, you're a hard worker, a family man, that alone means you're really someone with worth.
I wish you better days, we're here to help each other, and you've been positive in alot of your posts, to encourage others.
You matter,
We care about you.
peace
I wish you better days, we're here to help each other, and you've been positive in alot of your posts, to encourage others.
You matter,
We care about you.
peace
Physically sick and emotionally, hard to describe. In the shock of exposing myself to myself, I guess.
Physically, because after holding out for about 17 hours, I gorged; my gut sloshes with fullness.
Emotionally, I feel inadequacy and shame for not making it the full 20 that I set as my goal per day, *and* for overeating within the window after, when the point of me pushing for double-digit waits between meals is to lessen how much I eat each day.
This feels different from my ugly habit of overeating for most of my attempt at this life (and unfortunateley, probably many years, or "years", of my next recurrence, too.) I'm used to feeling bad for eating *throughout* the day. Here I feel bad about cramming it all into a window of about seven hours.
Physically, because after holding out for about 17 hours, I gorged; my gut sloshes with fullness.
Emotionally, I feel inadequacy and shame for not making it the full 20 that I set as my goal per day, *and* for overeating within the window after, when the point of me pushing for double-digit waits between meals is to lessen how much I eat each day.
This feels different from my ugly habit of overeating for most of my attempt at this life (and unfortunateley, probably many years, or "years", of my next recurrence, too.) I'm used to feeling bad for eating *throughout* the day. Here I feel bad about cramming it all into a window of about seven hours.