-
IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: Please read THIS THREAD about a rebrand for SF.
How Are You Feeling Right Now?
- Thread starter UNREGISTERED0000
- Start date
@Lostman85 Ditto this! Mr. May said it better than I could but I have been thinking the exact same thing without having words for it.
I’m really sad to read about you blaming yourself and labeling yourself as if you were entirely responsible for the outcomes. The truth is that shitty things happen, sometimes despite our efforts and intentions to do the “right” things, or at least the best option.
I feel like a hypocrite saying this because I know well enough that I do it too, though. And I even know from therapy that these are clinical symptoms of depression, namely cognitive distortions of discounting the positive, “everything I do is wrong”, emotional reasoning, “I feel bad, so that means I am bad,” and labeling “I am a hypocrite/a-hole/failure/monster.” How very human of us!
Everyone feels like hell sometimes, and unfortunately some, possibly most, of us go through at least one personal tragedy in life, such as the loss of a spouse either through death or the other person behaving destructively. I’m currently experimenting with holding the idea that, since we have no control over outcomes, we might as well develop our skills to handle the thunderstorms life hurls our way. HTH.
I’m really sad to read about you blaming yourself and labeling yourself as if you were entirely responsible for the outcomes. The truth is that shitty things happen, sometimes despite our efforts and intentions to do the “right” things, or at least the best option.
I feel like a hypocrite saying this because I know well enough that I do it too, though. And I even know from therapy that these are clinical symptoms of depression, namely cognitive distortions of discounting the positive, “everything I do is wrong”, emotional reasoning, “I feel bad, so that means I am bad,” and labeling “I am a hypocrite/a-hole/failure/monster.” How very human of us!
Everyone feels like hell sometimes, and unfortunately some, possibly most, of us go through at least one personal tragedy in life, such as the loss of a spouse either through death or the other person behaving destructively. I’m currently experimenting with holding the idea that, since we have no control over outcomes, we might as well develop our skills to handle the thunderstorms life hurls our way. HTH.
Please dont beat yourself up @SillyOldBear. This life is a hard one to navigate. 
Found out that another girl/dancer that I used to work with od'd. I keep thinking about her and all the other beautiful girls that passed due to drugs. Im lucky I never got caught up in that. I also count my blessings that my children dont do drugs...we'll, mushrooms I suspect, but that I can let slide.
Sorry you are having those feelings. You're a fine person SillyOldBear. I don't consistently practice my own advice or compasion very well. I think when the body &/or mind is hurting, our brains prefer an illusion of power by blaming itself, rather than acknowledging and having compassion for that fearsome lack of control which 'is' life.
I hope it helps a bit to know we're on your side @Lostman85
I just woke up and I have been crying off and on. I don’t know what it’s about. It feels like an ancient sadness that may have nothing to do with the story of my own life.
It could also be some personal regret that I can’t verbally articulate at this time. Either way, it feels like a genuine sadness.
Which is to say it’s not the self pity party I throw for myself sometimes, nor is it the nihilistic despair of clinical depression. It’s more like something that has to happen, and the body that I occupy just happens to be where this is taking place.
It could also be some personal regret that I can’t verbally articulate at this time. Either way, it feels like a genuine sadness.
Which is to say it’s not the self pity party I throw for myself sometimes, nor is it the nihilistic despair of clinical depression. It’s more like something that has to happen, and the body that I occupy just happens to be where this is taking place.
I'm OK. Had a light day today, and it's now weekend. Had a bit of a binge on Netflix, catching up with shows I've not watched for the last week. I've managed to walk 10,000 steps today without any twinges. Will see what hip feels like tomorrow. Just enjoyed a night time cup of Chai and will get ready for bed.
I’m hurting because I’m crazy.
In case you’re wondering why:
It’s entirely due to the things I am telling myself in my head, but unfortunately I don’t notice that I am still engaging in this habit until I have already gotten in over my head in negativity. So, none of my problems or conditions have changed in either direction. I just feel like a piece of human garbage and I’m exhausted from trying to stop the automatic thoughts. This predictably means that I have no more defenses now, and rehearsing my misery is the default, even though it changes the way I feel in the wrong direction.
In case you’re wondering why:
It’s entirely due to the things I am telling myself in my head, but unfortunately I don’t notice that I am still engaging in this habit until I have already gotten in over my head in negativity. So, none of my problems or conditions have changed in either direction. I just feel like a piece of human garbage and I’m exhausted from trying to stop the automatic thoughts. This predictably means that I have no more defenses now, and rehearsing my misery is the default, even though it changes the way I feel in the wrong direction.
Okay I have a lot to say on that question. I think it would actually require one to become hyper-sane, as in so perceptive and effective with reality that it seems crazy to people bound by social conditioning.
The rest is my personal brand of philosophical speculation, so it’s going inside spoiler tags for those who are not interested..
The rest is my personal brand of philosophical speculation, so it’s going inside spoiler tags for those who are not interested..
Hyper sanity here is distinct from the concept of “crazy wisdom” in some Asian spiritual practices, but the overlap is greater than the differences. I have had experiences that have a lot in common with the descriptions of mystical states I have read, but I am far from a mystic.
However, I do consider mysticism to be the greatest way to encounter ultimate reality. It’s kind of like if a mystic (such as Rumi, or St. John of the Cross) is an olympic athlete, then I am a weekend warrior in a non competitive hobby league with achy knees every Monday. Same sport, different levels.
I just mean that I have had perceptions that appear to be resulting from my meditation practice that have nothing to do with anything I could express with words, or even draw a picture of, play a song about, or so on, because ordinary sense perceptions are also ultimately empty. And emptiness (shunyata for any Buddhism scholars) is what I am getting at.
This is not, however, the emptiness of nihilism, but rather what people selling Buddhism books refer to as luminous emptiness, like a hologram. It is there, and it actually contains all of the “things” from the relative perspective, but if you try to define it with rigor and precision, you will be compelled to conclude that it’s all just one thing. Again, it’s something fundamentally indescribable so all the authors can do is make metaphors about fingers and the moon.
But, as long as I am not deceiving myself, I have had glimpses of the ultimate perspective. I would need to be able to sustain this awareness to consider it a realization, but the fact that I spotted it just once gives me confidence that there is a real there there.
However, I do consider mysticism to be the greatest way to encounter ultimate reality. It’s kind of like if a mystic (such as Rumi, or St. John of the Cross) is an olympic athlete, then I am a weekend warrior in a non competitive hobby league with achy knees every Monday. Same sport, different levels.
I just mean that I have had perceptions that appear to be resulting from my meditation practice that have nothing to do with anything I could express with words, or even draw a picture of, play a song about, or so on, because ordinary sense perceptions are also ultimately empty. And emptiness (shunyata for any Buddhism scholars) is what I am getting at.
This is not, however, the emptiness of nihilism, but rather what people selling Buddhism books refer to as luminous emptiness, like a hologram. It is there, and it actually contains all of the “things” from the relative perspective, but if you try to define it with rigor and precision, you will be compelled to conclude that it’s all just one thing. Again, it’s something fundamentally indescribable so all the authors can do is make metaphors about fingers and the moon.
But, as long as I am not deceiving myself, I have had glimpses of the ultimate perspective. I would need to be able to sustain this awareness to consider it a realization, but the fact that I spotted it just once gives me confidence that there is a real there there.
a little annoyed. I got a new haircut and my barber cut it way too short again. the only thing with my hair that's really important to me is that my bangs go at least to my eyebrows, and I keep saying that everytime I get a new haircut but almost every time they cut it too short and I'm too scared to say anything.
also I've got glasses now, so the short hair looks especially dumb.
now it's gonna take 3 weeks till I can look at the mirror without cringing again. I think I'll start cutting my hair myself soon.
also I've got glasses now, so the short hair looks especially dumb.
now it's gonna take 3 weeks till I can look at the mirror without cringing again. I think I'll start cutting my hair myself soon.