How Are You Feeling Right Now?

[LumberJack]

I'm feeling accomplished. I got a lot of chores done that I had been too depressed to do. I tend to fall behind on stuff when I'm so depressed that I can barely shower every other day. So, the nicer space is, well, nice. And I'm also sort of feeling better about myself because I finally got the floors taken care of after letting that slide for days on end. Kind of like I'm giving myself an attaboy instead of beating myself up, lol. Don't worry, I won't break my arm patting myself on the back.

It's not so much what or how much I did. The real boost, for me, comes when I make a plan and follow it through. It's like I have a relationship w/ myself. I make commitments and when I fulfill them, that feels good. When I procrastinate them, then I feel putrid. It's a delicate balance though. I need to manage my capacity so that I don't over-commit myself, to myself. Oh dear. Please do not have me committed!

 

[ClassicsFan]

Sweaty.

 

[Inanimate]

Hopeless and dejected. I could’ve gotten into an accident. It was weird. I was merging to the left lane when suddenly someone spawns into my blind spot. I expected them to honk at a minimum, but they just casually kept driving. By the time they reacted, I had already pulled back into the middle lane. Stranger still, I’m not berating myself over it. Instead, I’m just resigned to the fact that there’s no end to this bullshit.

 

[Lane]

I feel ugly, helpless, worthless, miserable, and I go to bed at night hoping I won't wake up.

You have much value @Aurelia. From your posts here, i see a fighter and strong spirit. I hope you can find some peace real soon.

 

[ClassicsFan]

Hot.

 

[AvidFan]

Relieved. I haven't seen one of my little cat friends for ages - like a month. I thought something had happened to him. I went out for my little walk around the block and he was there on a doorstep, and came running to me, he was too busy rubbing his face against my hand to even grab his treat. He followed me for a bit. Glad he is safe.

 

[AvidFan]

thank you, hope your day went ok.....

I hope that this new one does do further looking into things. You can take 800mg from ibuprofen over the counter if you run out of the ones that are 800mg from the doc. Just sayin.....I know long plane rides can be brutal on the body....

Lol yeah, that's what I would have said. I don't have prescribed ibuprofen but do take up to 800mg of the OTC ones when the inflammation gets really bad

 

[AvidFan]

Curiouser and curiouser. I went to another surgeon on the hip today. Better bedside manner but after more x-rays his conclusion is that the hip is fine and this time I saw the x-rays And agree. Going next to a MRI if cardiology agrees that it is safe for me. I may not need surgery but it is a maybe. The pain is still there. Glad I went for a second opinion.

Hope you get the mystery sorted. I've not had any x-rays yet but the physio did a lot of tests suggesting my hip joint itself is fine. Whether it is or not will have to see - depends if the doctor I see decides to do any scans or just try to fob me off with painkillers or mindfulness.

 

[1964dodge]

been better but ok i guess

mike

 

[AvidFan]

I'm fed up with my body, I wish I had permission to unzip it like a costume and just merge with everything, for the duality of this illusory existence to end.

 

[total eclipse]

Very tired of holding on.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

Kind of ok I guess. I'm doing some things to better my life, like getting a decent job, and finally getting fitted with the C-Pap I have needed for a while, but then part of me wonders if I am only biding my time until I finally give up.

 

[may71]

You're a cat magnet!

I went out for my little walk around the block and he was there on a doorstep, and came running to me, he was too busy rubbing his face against my hand to even grab his treat

I'm glad you got to see him again

 

[nicktheundoer]

Very tired of holding on.

 

[Inanimate]

I’m supposed to help myself, but at this point I despise myself too much to bother.

 

[AvidFan]

I honestly feel like I am being tortured. I honestly don't know how much more I can take. Not only has my health gone, I'm seriously isolated, have just lost a major source of income and have a stack of problems with the house, than I find another fucking problem. I found some water next to washing machine the other week, thought it had spurted out of the detergent drawer. But when I checked it was still appearing. And the ground was crumbling and the tiles were seeping water. I had 20 minutes of a panic attack thinking water was coming up through the ground until I eventually found it was the hose leaking behind the washing machine. I've managed to turn off the water intake pipe now - I think. And have a dehumidifier going (and carrying it has likely fucked my groin muscles again). Last week it was the laptop that just died - took it to the shop optimistically, the guy hasn't bothered calling me. So now I have no clean clothes and have to find a way to pay for a new washing machine. As well as pay someone to install it properly for me. Already have to pay someone to do the garden because of my health. I am bleeding money from so many wounds while the blood supply itself has dried up. I don't know what to do sometimes. I thought it was it. I certainly thought seriously about my method in that moment, fortunately it wasn't a volcano of water coming up through the floor. But seriously, I am trying desperately to avoid stress because it makes my pelvic floor scream even more, and shit like this just keeps happening. One thing after another after another. All this because I thought maybe I'll put a wash on before I go out on my walk and look for my little cat friends.... That idea was ruined in a hurry.

 

[Dude111]

{{{HUGS}}} to all.........

 

[AvidFan]

Sore and inflamed. I had a good day the first half of the day. The inflammation and soreness was the lowest it had been in a while. I genuinely thought I was turning a corner, or it had been the physio exercises that were causing all the damage. Then my groin flared again, it was either having to carry the dehumidifier from upstairs or the little walk, or a combination of both. I can't live like this, it's got so that basically being alive is constant pain.

 

[AvidFan]

Tired. I wish when I go to sleep tonight, for those few hours, I didn't have to wake up again, let alone didn't have to wake up at 5am without enough sleep to deal with all this crap.

 

[KM76710]

I’m supposed to help myself, but at this point I despise myself too much to bother.

I wish that you did not feel so badly but I am glad you can come here because we like you, and others, wanting good to come to ya'll.