How Are You Feeling Right Now?

[sourire]

I think love is a 2 way street and so both of you had your own parts contributing to the conflict/dissolution. I would argue that nothing is permanent, but you probably mean just for the duration of your life. I am very sorry it has come to that. Being a relatively inexperienced person with romantic relationships, I don’t feel qualified to offer advice, but I could say what worked for me in a different situation, and/or things I learned in the intensive outpatient program (IOP) that I attended several years ago. I learned a lot about relationship dynamics.

It is just book knowledge, though. I have had more than one female friend confide in me that she keeps falling for the same guy, the same relationship, over and over with only the name changing. I ended up reading about self compassion and because I knew of the repeating pattern of relationships, my attention was perked up when the author discussed self-compassion and relationships that go sour.

I have learned about maintaining and growing an intimate partnership from my only long term partner. Unfortunately, he ended up dying on me, the jerk! Okay there’s a lot of grief there, but I’m not above making jokes about him, too.

However, I do have that experience to draw upon in cultivating love between 2 people. So I don’t know how to fix what got broken, but I am looking for a man who is like minded about relationships, because it becomes a beautiful thing once it’s established and growing.

Sorry about the essay. I’m a hopeless romantic, but I guess that probably goes without saying, lol.

Thank you so much for your reply.
First of all I am so sorry about your partner passing away.
Relationships are never perfect, it takes a lot of time and hard work and if you can find someone to grow together it's the most beautiful thing.
I said I am stained because even if we broke up for our own good, it would hurt me and him both. I would always wonder how are things going and my mind would not rest It's hard when you repeat the same mistakes and same patterns with someone that you love and want to grow with.

 

[AvidFan]

Astonished. My nervous system has settled into how it should be - calm, competent, adaptive. I just went for a walk and found myself walking at my usual pace - pretty quick. Not trying to avoid pain every step. I tripled the distance. I've had some waves of pain today and had a little stab earlier, but then it went away again. Also had no SI at all today. Which is completely different from the preceding 24 hours. I hope this window lasts.

 

[cev77]

I'm depressed and having suicidal thoughts. Having the suicidal thoughts only makes me more depressed. I don't know how much more of this I can take.

 

[SillyOldBear]

I'm depressed and having suicidal thoughts. Having the suicidal thoughts only makes me more depressed. I don't know how much more of this I can take.

 

[cev77]

Thank you!

 

[LumberJack]

...I would always wonder how are things going and my mind would not rest It's hard when you repeat the same mistakes and same patterns with someone that you love and want to grow with.

I get that. I know the "textbook" answer to that but I think it falls flat in this case. Aside from that, I would be a world champion if holding a grudge was recognized as a sport. I can't let things go, even when I desperately want to, and understand logically, it's the best strategy. I try to "just"let it go, but the act of trying in the first place puts more attention on the thing I wish to clear from my mind. It might be why my therapist started to suspect I had OCD before I did, lol.

I want to emphasize that I am speaking from my own experience and have no idea whether it would be similar in your case, as in, I want to be clear that I am not implying that you might also have OCD (I'm frequently misunderstood in that way which is why I am mentioning this).

What I am offering, by contrast, is a state that might resonate for you. In this case we would not be the only ones since we would mutually replicate the others' experience. This fixes nothing but at least it's less likely to be one person's fault. That way, we wouldn't have to beat ourselves up, because it's just a human thing, ya know?

 

[I_waste_everything]

I'm so fickle

I used to fantasize about becoming a math whiz.

Yet idiot me asked for a full-time week þis week and didn't reckon þe count of hours per day right.

Fully missed yesterday. No call. No show. Now I'll have a chewout session tomorrow. I'll have no defense. No excuse.

Math is a privilege for people who deserve to live. But I still begrudge myself for not habitually applying it

 

[LumberJack]

There is a popular song from the 1990's - so yeah actually 30 years ago or so - which has a line saying, "I'm a million different people from one day to the next..." That's about how I feel right now. I'm feeling all the feelings - happy, sad, angry, joyous, awe, wonder, pain, fear, regret - but only one at a time. The intensity of the emotion varies over time, but it's more like severe to extreme, with occasional dips into moderate territory. I have a suspicion that last night's insomnia might have laid the foundation and right now my brain is doing maintenance that is affecting traffic. Also I'm sad. About everything.

 

[AvidFan]

There is a popular song from the 1990's - so yeah actually 30 years ago or so - which has a line saying, "I'm a million different people from one day to the next..." That's about how I feel right now. I'm feeling all the feelings - happy, sad, angry, joyous, awe, wonder, pain, fear, regret - but only one at a time. The intensity of the emotion varies over time, but it's more like severe to extreme, with occasional dips into moderate territory. I have a suspicion that last night's insomnia might have laid the foundation and right now my brain is doing maintenance that is affecting traffic. Also I'm sad. About everything.

It's a bitter sweet symphony for sure.

 

[AvidFan]

Sad. Read my last post and less than 4 hours later my nervous system has collapsed into anxiety again. Anxiety isn't really the right word. It's dread and terror. I had myself back just to have it all pulled away again. Can't sleep. Can't rest.

 

[sourire]

I get that. I know the "textbook" answer to that but I think it falls flat in this case. Aside from that, I would be a world champion if holding a grudge was recognized as a sport. I can't let things go, even when I desperately want to, and understand logically, it's the best strategy. I try to "just"let it go, but the act of trying in the first place puts more attention on the thing I wish to clear from my mind. It might be why my therapist started to suspect I had OCD before I did, lol.

I want to emphasize that I am speaking from my own experience and have no idea whether it would be similar in your case, as in, I want to be clear that I am not implying that you might also have OCD (I'm frequently misunderstood in that way which is why I am mentioning this).

What I am offering, by contrast, is a state that might resonate for you. In this case we would not be the only ones since we would mutually replicate the others' experience. This fixes nothing but at least it's less likely to be one person's fault. That way, we wouldn't have to beat ourselves up, because it's just a human thing, ya know?

I'm not diagnosed with OCD but I believe I have it and I also can't let things go. I don't try to bring up past mistakes over and over but I give it up by my behaviour as I often go quiet and I'm in my own world. It seems like even when I overcome my struggle, something new comes to obsess over. I'm in a circle.
I really try hard for this relationship just don't know what to do sometimes.

 

[may71]

Feeling conflicted about whether I should have pursued EMDR and how helpful it actually is

Some members here seem to like it, but I don't have an experience with it.

 

[may71]

Sending hugs to anyone who would like hugs

 

[LumberJack]

It's a bitter sweet symphony for sure.

I see what you did there. lol

 

[seabird]

Sad. Read my last post and less than 4 hours later my nervous system has collapsed into anxiety again. Anxiety isn't really the right word. It's dread and terror. I had myself back just to have it all pulled away again. Can't sleep. Can't rest.

 

[ravens]

Trying to not think that my life is over. I know it's only been 3 weeks. But starting to wonder if this is more than a simple back sprain. I guess there is still hope. Sometimes i think i'm ok, then i go to brush my teeth and just bending over i can tell that i'm not ok.

 

[AvidFan]

Trying to not think that my life is over. I know it's only been 3 weeks. But starting to wonder if this is more than a simple back sprain. I guess there is still hope. Sometimes i think i'm ok, then i go to brush my teeth and just bending over i can tell that i'm not ok.

I hope you can get it sorted. 3 weeks is still short term, have you had anyone evaluate it? I woke up with something at the start of May that I hoped was a short term thing and am still dealing with it. I have good days and bad days, and yes every day my brain is trying to convince me that my life is over. I hope your back sprain, or whatever it is, can heal and you can get your life back.

 

[AvidFan]

Awake. Yet another dreadful night. I must have slipped into sleep for 1-2 hours. For the first time I can ever remember, I woke up not so much screaming but making a groaning noise with my mouth because the dream I was having was such a nightmare, being physically attacked by horrible people.

 

[cinnnamonflakez]

still a little heartbroken. It's been almost half a year since I've talked to my ex but I still think about him a lot. I really thought we had something.

 

[puffymilk]

Great