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How Are You Feeling Right Now?
- Thread starter UNREGISTERED0000
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I hope it's neither of those diseases @SillyOldBear and that the pain you are being hurt by goes away. I hate pain for making people, or animals miserable. I know I have read a couple of times in your posts where you've said you've eaten yourself to death. We all deserve food and I'm sad to think you're not able to enjoy it. I hope it's okay for me to write, as it always makes me want to help everyone here who is hurting &/or lonely and facing this world on their own.
My own position is that I will never give up, as long as I have that choice. It goes for myself, but also anyone else who I can choose to give up, or not give up, on.
This does not mean I let people hurt me or walk all over my boundaries, or break commitments. I can communicate my needs and communicate further if agreements are dishonored. If this creates no change, then I will avoid that person going forward. You don't have to give up on someone to protect yourself emotionally and physically. As for people as a whole, never give up.
This does not mean I let people hurt me or walk all over my boundaries, or break commitments. I can communicate my needs and communicate further if agreements are dishonored. If this creates no change, then I will avoid that person going forward. You don't have to give up on someone to protect yourself emotionally and physically. As for people as a whole, never give up.
I've been listening to a Dharma talk today the suffering that arises from expecting things to be different from how they are.
It's strange how, although I have learned these things, and even put them into practice at times, I will forget it all if I'm not taking dedicated time to remind myself. I still see wrongly, but I have made progress in realizing that it is this wrong expectation which causes my suffering, and that there is a way to abandon that expectation.
It's strange how, although I have learned these things, and even put them into practice at times, I will forget it all if I'm not taking dedicated time to remind myself. I still see wrongly, but I have made progress in realizing that it is this wrong expectation which causes my suffering, and that there is a way to abandon that expectation.
There's balance required, right? If had no expectations then I'd let everything including myself slide into oblivian. I mean in that we as living beings need to take action on things at times. So, a difficult aspect to this which crops up for me and that's when there are difficult and complicated tasks which have to be done. Have to as in things which need to change for my or other's safety and well-being. I find I always have expectations as to these sorts of things/activities. Otherwise I'd just leave everything be.
I think what dharma is getting at isnt about being passive or just letting everything go, but there needs to be wisdom. I think the balance lies in the old serenity poem about changing the things we can't accept, accepting the things we can't change, and the wisdom to know the difference. I think we can all relate to the feeling of wishing for a better past, or wishing we had done things differently, and expend a lot of energy on wishing it was different. Or maybe expecting the world to be fair and just and feeling hurt every time we come across evidence of the contrary. These are things our minds still want to change. But doesn't mean we can't change our future, or protect ourselves from toxic behaviour or people. Or strive to make our corner of the world a little more fair and just and wholesome where we can have some influence. Or find places to live or try to fix where we do live.
I suppose a recent example for me is with my family. It's incredibly painful to keep expecting empathy and support from my family when it never comes. If I keep expecting it, the lack of it causes suffering. Of course I should expect it, it should be there - but Ive had to train my mind to not expect it to try to protect myself.
Anyway I'm hopefully falling asleep so apologies for the delirious ramble 😻
I suppose a recent example for me is with my family. It's incredibly painful to keep expecting empathy and support from my family when it never comes. If I keep expecting it, the lack of it causes suffering. Of course I should expect it, it should be there - but Ive had to train my mind to not expect it to try to protect myself.
Anyway I'm hopefully falling asleep so apologies for the delirious ramble 😻
Yes. I have wrestled with this question as well. I would argue that equanimity does not imply passivity. To the contrary, it requires action to be taken when action is called for. Anger is also sometimes called for, and even necessary.
We suffer when we expect things in the moment to be different than the way they are, because this is the result of everything that happened in the past. I cannot change that, but I can take action to mitigate future harms. The difference is that we see honestly what is within our power and what is not. If we blankly label everything as "fine" or "terrible" regardless of what we could do to make things better, then we are not seeing clearly at all.
PS I was writing this before I had seen @AvidFan 's comment above so if it is repeating things then that's why
We suffer when we expect things in the moment to be different than the way they are, because this is the result of everything that happened in the past. I cannot change that, but I can take action to mitigate future harms. The difference is that we see honestly what is within our power and what is not. If we blankly label everything as "fine" or "terrible" regardless of what we could do to make things better, then we are not seeing clearly at all.
PS I was writing this before I had seen @AvidFan 's comment above so if it is repeating things then that's why
Written well @AvidFan. I appreciate what you've said, because it supports what I was thinking and feeling about balance being vital. I find it is sometimes a moment to moment effort, especially when new, heavy challenges come and, forgive the metaphor, plunk themselves down in my dinghy, almost tipping me out.
I hope you have 0 insomnia and a good rest.
@LumberJack Thank you for posting about the Dharma talk. You have passed forward some good thoughts at a time when I am at a strange turning point and very much needing them. I hope you are doing alright.
btw The same happens to me rather often, in replying to a thread I find I've posted stuff that appears above unbeknownst to me.
Today after reading your post I ws reading the little "3-2-1" email from the author, James Clear. One of the things he states was one doesn't need to know exactly what you're going to do with your life. You need to know what you're going to do this week. I feel for me anyhow that emotional detachment, or equanimity as you said, or suspension of judgement and worry as described by the Greek word ataraxia is always required to settle my mind enough for forming a plan. (I need to re-read my Pyrrho; and if you are interested in Pyrrho, the Stanford Philosiphy webpage is a good source).
There I go writing too much.
I hope you have 0 insomnia and a good rest.
@LumberJack Thank you for posting about the Dharma talk. You have passed forward some good thoughts at a time when I am at a strange turning point and very much needing them. I hope you are doing alright.
btw The same happens to me rather often, in replying to a thread I find I've posted stuff that appears above unbeknownst to me.
Today after reading your post I ws reading the little "3-2-1" email from the author, James Clear. One of the things he states was one doesn't need to know exactly what you're going to do with your life. You need to know what you're going to do this week. I feel for me anyhow that emotional detachment, or equanimity as you said, or suspension of judgement and worry as described by the Greek word ataraxia is always required to settle my mind enough for forming a plan. (I need to re-read my Pyrrho; and if you are interested in Pyrrho, the Stanford Philosiphy webpage is a good source).
There I go writing too much.
Blurred. Not sure where the weekend has gone. A bit of pottering about, a chunk of work, meal, and it's 9pm. Not even left the house today, I might try to get a little night walk. Also apprehensive as I finished my antibiotics. Now to find out if they have just been suppressing the infection or have actually sorted it out....