-
IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: Please read THIS THREAD about a rebrand for SF.
How Are You Feeling Right Now?
- Thread starter UNREGISTERED0000
- Start date
Sorry that you're feeling like this @nicktheundoer. Wishing you peace and only good things. 
Sounds overwhelming Avid. I hope some of those issues can get resolved very soon
I can't really complain because I'm feeling okay, all things considered. I still have suicidal ideations however. I still 'feel' like I'm going to die early. My mind keeps repeating the same adamant statements, that I'm lovable; that I'm a mistake of nature which needs to be corrected; that I don't deserve to be happy, etc.
i hope that like me, you crave forever peace and pain free existance and not ncessarily death
mike.....
mike.....
I have always felt like I was going to die earlier. I’m still here though, and pushing into the advanced stage of midlife. I can’t keep a promise to myself, apparently. But if my mind can be wrong about that, then maybe your own internal messages might also be inaccurate?
In my clearer moments, I would argue that nature doesn’t make mistakes. Mistake would mean that there is a basis of comparison to say what goes okay vs the instances in which Nature fell short.
It seems like Nature has different plans than our own. Maybe She knows something we don’t?
However I am only too familiar with the internalized abuse that tells us we are unlovable, unworthy, and deserve only stress. This is not true, but my stating this won’t convince anyone, or at least nobody should take my word on it. The only trustworthy way to find out is through investigation and experience. I am far from excellence in this matter, though.
In my clearer moments, I would argue that nature doesn’t make mistakes. Mistake would mean that there is a basis of comparison to say what goes okay vs the instances in which Nature fell short.
It seems like Nature has different plans than our own. Maybe She knows something we don’t?
However I am only too familiar with the internalized abuse that tells us we are unlovable, unworthy, and deserve only stress. This is not true, but my stating this won’t convince anyone, or at least nobody should take my word on it. The only trustworthy way to find out is through investigation and experience. I am far from excellence in this matter, though.
Last edited:
I woke up today and once I stumbled my way through my morning routine, I noticed that I didn’t feel terrible. It was a completely neutral emotion, but I had a sense that I could do something today that I have been trying to do, but failing to do, for at least 4 weeks now.
So, from baffled and hopeless to neutral is a nice improvement,
So, from baffled and hopeless to neutral is a nice improvement,
well, did okay today, stayed productive albeit not in any sort of organized way. I've got the laundry halfway done, cleaned up the kitchen for the third time, and picked up in the area in my apt that I have designated as the living room, which is the thing I've been avoiding. Not on purpose, but when I look at it I seem to just magically find something else that is so urgent that it must be handled immediately. However, the second I stop chugging along, the intrusive thoughts attack. Like holy shit. If I said the things I say to myself to anyone else, I would be a toxic human to be around. But sometimes it's hard to not tell myself that I'm such an idiot that I should just kms. It's a habit by now.
Quite anxious. Managed to avoid emails so far by midday Monday. Did get a work related WhatsApp which I responded to. Had a mixed night, woke up at 4.30am and couldn't go back to sleep, but did so sometime after 6.30am and then felt like I'd been hit by a truck when I woke up at 9am. Since then have just wrapped myself in cotton wool and tried to survive the morning after finding a random unexplained bruise on my thigh. So many open email threads and my brain is trying to simulate every possible outcome from them all.... I will be better when I see what's there but am going to do my yoga/stretches and eat something first.
Deeply concerned. Multicare is laying off 138 positions. I cannot find out if my doctor is included. They are having financial difficulties. lol. Who isn't. So now we will have even more problems getting the medical care we need. Of course, if everything was not so damn expensive there would be fewer problems.