No, really I feel great knowing my end is near. A sense of relief, no more pain, stress etc.. Beautiful nothingness.
I am concerned for you and your emotional health.
Have you shared your story somewhere and could you point me in that direction? I would really like to hear what is going on with you. You sound like your in a lot of pain.
Feel free to read any of my links, i assume they still work. Ask me anything you like.

I just want some rest.
s*