How Are You Feeling Right Now?

Dante

Git
SF Pro
SF Supporter
Following depression at university I set up all sorts of mental checks to watch out for it happening again, ways I can gauge my mental state, all kinds of tiny little checks, specific pieces of music that (for lack of a better word) resonate with my feelings at different levels of depression, actions that I can take that I know provoke differing emotions depending on mental state, deep searching questions whose answers are telling, all these checks and indicators built up to let me know, because one of the big problems with depression is that it comes on so gradually and is so strangely shameful that its difficult to admit or even believe you are depressed and not just being a baby, and these are sure-fire checks I can use to say one way or another I am or am not depressed.

It has been a good long while since any of my checks have returned positive, but a lot of them are doing so today... so how am I feeling? I think I am feeling depressed.

Addendum:
If I had to break down depression into 3 stages of "Struggling", "Spiralling" and "Pre-Corpse" (Which I have individual checks for each stage) I would say I'm in stage 1: "Struggling".
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
Miserable and hopeless. I'm so used to feeling bad for so long I cant even remember what it feels like to be happy or have nothing to worry about. It's like I just hallucinated happiness in the past and it's not a real thing. That's how distant it feels now
i'm sorry to hear that. keep trying to find some happiness and joy. any joy no matter how big or small helps. i hope you feel better soon...mike...*hug*shake
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
Following depression at university I set up all sorts of mental checks to watch out for it happening again, ways I can gauge my mental state, all kinds of tiny little checks, specific pieces of music that (for lack of a better word) resonate with my feelings at different levels of depression, actions that I can take that I know provoke differing emotions depending on mental state, deep searching questions whose answers are telling, all these checks and indicators built up to let me know, because one of the big problems with depression is that it comes on so gradually and is so strangely shameful that its difficult to admit or even believe you are depressed and not just being a baby, and these are sure-fire checks I can use to say one way or another I am or am not depressed.

It has been a good long while since any of my checks have returned positive, but a lot of them are doing so today... so how am I feeling? I think I am feeling depressed.

Addendum:
If I had to break down depression into 3 stages of "Struggling", "Spiralling" and "Pre-Corpse" (Which I have individual checks for each stage) I would say I'm in stage 1: "Struggling".
university brings a lot of stress and of course depression and anxiety with a lot of people. you recognize the depression so that's a positive thing. i hope you get the depression under control and be happy and calm...mike...*hug*shake
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
My rl friends didn’t leave me, I’m surprised. I was the one who is in mess and the jerk. I don’t know why but I’m still trying to grasp it that my friends are better leaders than my parents that they’re the ones that gave me more knowledge and high doses on kindness, compassion and encouragement and such. What sorcery is this? 😂

If its not for them, I wouldn’t even know how to say please and thank you / learning to listen to others instead of interrupting them. Damn.
that's what good friends do, care for and about each other. you are fortunate to have those friends and they are fortunate to have you...mike...*hug*shake
 
Still awaiting the result of my mother's Covid test. There were over 100 people in her independent living facility tested, so apparently the results will come in today or Monday. She has progressed to extreme body aches and fatigue, and spent most of the day in bed. Tylenol helped her somewhat. And she still has the cough. It could be the flu as she didn't get vaccinated this year. I was also reading that there is only an 8 percent mortality rate for Covid for people over 80, which surprised me quite a bit. However, there are other long-term effects associated with many cases. She does take Vitamin D every day (there is scientific evidence accumulating that Vitamin D levels play a role in Covid outcomes).
 
Keep getting the urge to do something stupid and risky. I want to take a risk, do something dangerous. It may work or it might not but if it does then I won’t be back in work tomorrow. It’s pulling me, telling me to just do it. It won’t leave my head until it’s done so what the point of fighting it? The quicker it’s done the better.
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
Keep getting the urge to do something stupid and risky. I want to take a risk, do something dangerous. It may work or it might not but if it does then I won’t be back in work tomorrow. It’s pulling me, telling me to just do it. It won’t leave my head until it’s done so what the point of fighting it? The quicker it’s done the better.
you have to keep fighting those urges. talk to the people you're close to and be honest. tell your husband he wants to help keep you safe...mike...*hug*console*sadhug*shake
 

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