How Are You Feeling Right Now?

[AvidFan]

I feel worried about @1964dodge I hope you're OK dear person, I am going to bed but I will say a prayer for you before I go to sleep.

Other than that I'm tired, my new job hit its first hitch today. I got an email with a mass of feedback that was sent to everyone generally but I took it a bit personally and feel like I don't know what I'm doing any more and if they gave better training maybe people wouldn't make so many mistakes generally. I also had some of my banter removed from the project Slack channel it looks like it's heavily moderated so I'm going to keep my head down on there, no point making a target of myself. It's always when people get involved that things seem to get messed up. I think maybe I'm just tired so I'll go and get some sleep and tomorrow is another day. Much love to everyone 😊❤️❤️❤️

 

[Harmony]

Sending you hugs galore @1964dodge. I hope things ease up soon for you.

 

[HappyKitty]

currently warded. i hope to be discharged soon. the nurses keep waking me up at night wtf.

 

[AvidFan]

currently warded. i hope to be discharged soon. the nurses keep waking me up at night wtf.

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😱 Hope you are OK!

 

[Lane]

Thanks for your reply, Lane. Right now, other than doing some much-needed repair work on a shed in my back yard, I'm doing absolutely nothing with my life. I'm retired and in need of true friendships. I live alone and seldom leave the house. Finding kindred spirits on social media has been an exercise in futility. However, I'm hopeful I'll find some kind and compassionate people here.

I believe you will @Hadyn. I stopped using Facebook years ago, mainly I'll just look and I belong to groups such as fan clubs, but don't interact with others.
I came to this site suicidal several years ago now it's a support for me. I hope you like the comradarie once you get a feel for the site. Do you have any pets at home? Although I have two adult children that live with me, it's my cats that make me lol and offer company.

 

[Lane]

currently warded. i hope to be discharged soon. the nurses keep waking me up at night wtf.

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I hope you're ok Kitty. Sending you healing hugs.

 

[Honeymoon]

I assume this is a metaphor? What did they actually do to you?

They gave me ptsd. They took 32nd year of my life.

They made a spectacle of me.
spectacle:
A public performance or display, especially one on a large or lavish scale.

The world they belong to and the people they surround themselves with causes me only disgust. I don't want any connections of that kind.

I'm not looking for anyone's approval and love, I'm intolerant and very selective in my tastes. I wouldn't change myself for anything.

 

[Lady Wolfshead]

They gave me ptsd. They took 32nd year of my life.

They made a spectacle of me.
spectacle:
A public performance or display, especially one on a large or lavish scale.

The world they belong to and the people they surround themselves with causes me only disgust. I don't want any connections of that kind.

I'm not looking for anyone's approval and love, I'm intolerant and very selective in my tastes. I wouldn't change myself for anything.

So sorry this happened to you. I hope you can get treatment for your PTSD. I've watched neurologists on YouTube talking about PTSD and there are treatments that will actually increase neuroplasticity and help you heal. Please seek treatment if you need to.

 

[Lady Wolfshead]

Feeling good.

Over the past few days, I have watched numerous YouTube videos about home maintenance especially weatherstripping and window sealing. Two sets of blinds that were faulty or badly installed have fallen out of our windows, and since we own our own place and can't afford the repair right now, I felt a bit stuck. Our heating bill was around $200/month (Cdn) last year for our 2-bedroom apartment and it doesn't help that the apartment below was empty all last winter and is going to be empty now as well. We moved into this place last year and it only is bordered on 2 sides with other suites, whereas our previous apartment had suites above and below us as well as on both sides and the back.

So I just ordered some inexpensive weatherstripping with good reviews. Hopefully it will make a difference especially in one room where we actually got ice forming on the inside of the window last year, and that was when we still had blinds behind the curtains.

Home repairs and maintenance are very intimidating to me, so I'm proud that I forced myself to do the research. I did also install rubber door sweeps last year under our doors where a lot of cold air was coming in, and that helped.

 

[Lane]

My niece is staying with me although she's not well. I hope that I can provide her with the help that she needs. She hasn't been around another person for a month and neglecting things like nutrition and hygiene. She doesn't want to go to the hospital so maybe this will help. She's my family and hopefully being around me and my children will help. My daughter made pot roast so that's a good start. I hope everyone here's doing as well as possible

 

[1964dodge]

Sorry to learn of this mike, I think that, when feeling like this, it is hard to not look for & consider a way out. And so long as things remain in the realm of 'catharsis,' then it is probably not the end of the world, and quite frankly - completely human too... Only thing I might caution for some people, and everybody is different, is that "IF," you found your-self in a place on inexplicable pain, say such as when faced with sudden onset of horrendous storm & tidal wave of what you've experienced tonight. . . (that which knocks you nearly unconscious with its force) - Well, this is when some people can fall prey too, or victim to, an act of impluse.

And so it is for that reason that we've got to be careful not to present the circumstances that would make such a decision, "in the moment," all too easy when we are afforded such luxury as to thinking it is a good & resourceful, a meaningful and impactful, sudden & instant, incredible way to end and get rid of - the pain. I'm sure a lot of people have gone out this way. But as the only saying, or phrase goes, the song (lyric) & so on: 'Whatever gets you through the night...'

While I know you've mentioned in the past, your Wife being understanding and on the same page as you in regards this becoming a possibility (& even maybe an eventuality) one day. Do you happen to know how the rest of your family feels on the subject? Understand, of course, that with all things consideration comes; however we all have our limits, and sometimes, some things, can't be sensibly made sense of.

For if it were that simple, then the stats would be better in our favor. I've found one of the most accurate descriptions to others, for why someone might do this, when they've got such loving caring family members & friends, etc. Is that, while not overly helpful, to me it makes the most sense, "That's how bad it was." That they would be willing to risk, and sacrifice that--or to bypass all (of) that (love).

Again, I think that for me, and this doesn't work for everybody. What's right for me, may be dead wrong for you, or somebody else~
But to, or for me: not having options, or removing all knowledge & access is best . . . for when in these moments that which you have so excellently described.

Just know and understand, as I'm sure you do, that is won't always endure or be this way continuously. Which is kind of another way of saying, it will pass at some point, and not be this bad indefinitely and without (any) relief. Will it return? I guess so, but hopefully you will be able to once again ride the wave with aplomb; & without fail. Not that to not do so would be a failure, in my estimation. But more, a tragedy and a loss. That would impact many and the suffering, I understand, is excruciating to stomach, sometimes. So I do get why you do what you do.

thank you @MisterBGone i was in a major backslide. it was like i can never catch a break. my son couldn't remove the wheel and will have to come back thursday with heavier tools and may have to cut my nice chrome wheel. it just seems frustrating. other things were happening like uncontrollable pain etc. then the depression and anxiety washed over me like a huge wave.

i was still there in that horrible stretch of depression and anxiety this morning. i was still in bed at 11:30 this morning when my wife woke me up and made sure i was coherent. reason was my brother in law sent us a $1000 . this amount means we can do the 64 dodge this spring. it was more the thought than the money. i still have my Rule violation page because i still need a lot more for the car. the fact that my brother in law did this for us without even a hint restores my faith in people and the world. if it wasn't for that i probably would have been backsliding all week. i was planning to stay off of SF because i was so low.

my poor wife understands chronic pain now. not nearly as bad as mine but bad enough. her heart breaks now because she finally understands what i'm going through. she wants me to stay for as long as possible. she did say if you keep fighting and some day can't take the pain anymore she understands, as long as i fight until the end. of course i promised a few things, one being coming to SF for support. but if i did fight all the way she could forgive me. i have the perfect method that nobody could suspect a suicide so my family and friends will only have to mourn my death by natural causes. i pray every night that day never comes

mike

 

[1964dodge]

This is my 10th day off of my meds. I don't feel great, but I'm pushing my way through it. I think I'm going to be able to make this work. I'm off to work now.

i hope you have a good day at work and can work through this without too much distress

mike....

 

[1964dodge]

Heya Mike, how you doing now? Feeling any better?

much better but for a strange reason lol thank you for asking

mike.....

 

[1964dodge]

Mike I hope you decide to stay off those sites, I know they can be somewhat soothing but they really aren't good for you.

I do hope you feel better. Please treat yourself with the love and kindness you deserve. So many people care about you IRL and on here.

thank you lane

mike....

 

[1964dodge]

sending hugs

thanks barb could use them. i am doing much better today. i was still in that pit of despair today until my wife showed me something that filled my heart.

p.s. after jasmine is fixed she is going into winter hibernation and we are going to cover barb the bear's neck well with the scarf so she stays warm this winter

mike....

 

[1964dodge]

I am so sorry to hear you are not doing great. Sometimes these things are like the weather - it can be sunny one minute then suddenly black clouds come out of nowhere. But they do pass in time. You are so helpful and supportive on this site, you deserve to have a little more sunshine than those black clouds. I hope they clear soon. Sending you love and positive vibes I hope you can pull through this wave. ❤️❤️❤️

thank you @AvidFan i pulled out a lot faster due to an act of kindness

mike....

 

[1964dodge]

Why is it that everyone always somehow manages to screw something up when it comes to my psychiatric medications. My doctor called in 4 and they got 2. How is that even possible??? How do you mess things up that badly to only receive half the fucking prescription order???

 

[Lady Wolfshead]

@1964dodge I really hope things improve for you. Sometimes I find my moods can vary almost like the weather and there are obviously many factors involved.

 

[1964dodge]

I feel worried about @1964dodge I hope you're OK dear person, I am going to bed but I will say a prayer for you before I go to sleep.

Other than that I'm tired, my new job hit its first hitch today. I got an email with a mass of feedback that was sent to everyone generally but I took it a bit personally and feel like I don't know what I'm doing any more and if they gave better training maybe people wouldn't make so many mistakes generally. I also had some of my banter removed from the project Slack channel it looks like it's heavily moderated so I'm going to keep my head down on there, no point making a target of myself. It's always when people get involved that things seem to get messed up. I think maybe I'm just tired so I'll go and get some sleep and tomorrow is another day. Much love to everyone 😊❤️❤️❤️

thank you for the prayers i am doing better thank you

mike....

 

[1964dodge]

Sending you hugs galore @1964dodge. I hope things ease up soon for you.

thank you @Harmony

mike....