he's 23. He's good at trying to evoke guilt in me. I've done my best. I did bring him food, and I said it's the last time. I mean it. I then found out my sister in law had brought him food (of course he didn't tell me). I cant trust him anymore as some things I bought could have likely been sold for weed. I'm done trying so hard. He knows what he needs to do and has access to the care he needs for his mental health, he just refuses it. I will feel better, and it's time to stop letting him make me feel bad when I've let him away with things that most parents wouldn't have.
I hate myself sometimes because I really know I'm not smart or helpful, I had always wanted to be useful to people. And i wonder sometimes if I didn't make some people's lives worse with what I said. I liked working in nursing homes, a long time ago, at least I cared a lot back then. I still do it's just not having a job that gives me a purpose.
I know you would understand about how being on disability doesn't make us feel good, but at least my dad said once, before he died, that after all I had been through, he believed I deserved it. If we cant work we cant work, simple as that. Thanks for your reply, it helps a lot and I hope you have as good a night as you can