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How Are You Feeling Right Now?
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Last thing I'll ever say on this topic, is that until you give somebody (brand new) a chance to know you, and at least establish some kind of relationship with you (whether it be romantic, or any other kind) the chances of them taking offense is much greater &/or higher, than if they know that you are to be otherwise trusted. Be well, and I wish you success with this and all other things. Peace, mr~b
I hope you can find a way to motivate yourself, and to give yourself to seek the treatment you most certainly are deserving of and need. It doesn't matter what anybody else thinks. They've got their own mindsets, and maybe agendas. Those are irrelevant concerns and your soul or only focus should be on that of yourself. If you say, think &/or feel - that you need help - then by all means~ / Yes, vacations are great. But they can't be permanent, right? I'm sorry your sons aren't more supportive. And have some hard to handle views. I don't believe your responsible for bad parenting. To what extent you weren't perfect, at some point they've got to figure things out for themselves in life. And can't keep blaming everything on you. Or you on yourself, whatever... Just give yourself the green light, and deal with their hesitations later. Or as in never, it's really all up to you, @toomuchreality ! Nice of you to think of them, but you've got to act & behave in a way that suits yourself. Or you wont' be any good for them (left) anyway. Depending on how bad things get, of course~ & hopefully, you won't ever reach that point. Would be a whole lot easier, with some assistance, don't you think? 
In this instance yes, it certainly does seem to be a case of self-deprecating humour. A defense mechanism to get the first shot in at themselves so as to lessen the blows should anyone else start taking pot shots at him.
As an aside, I've also noticed many times at how self-depreciation can be nothing but a ploy in order to fish for compliments from whoever that person seems to be targeting. Throw in also and individual's enquiry into someone's preferences not so much out of innocent interest but more of so as to be able to adapt themselves to make themselves appear (falsely I stress) appealling towards that other person. Commonly to serve their own interests, much to the detriment of that other person.
Anyway there you go, I've rambled enough lol
As an aside, I've also noticed many times at how self-depreciation can be nothing but a ploy in order to fish for compliments from whoever that person seems to be targeting. Throw in also and individual's enquiry into someone's preferences not so much out of innocent interest but more of so as to be able to adapt themselves to make themselves appear (falsely I stress) appealling towards that other person. Commonly to serve their own interests, much to the detriment of that other person.
Anyway there you go, I've rambled enough lol
Yes, that is the "right," attitude to adopt... & 'spirit!' (as-well)! : ) I don't know what's wrong with your sons, to both be treating you this way? It's like they've been spoiled with your love, which pays more than anything else by the way! But they don't seem to understand, at least not fully & completely, just how well & great they have and have had it. They'll understand & recognize one day, when you're gone, which will then be, too little - too late (for you to enjoy & reap the benefits)~* / but bottom line I can tell you've done a fine job and the best you could, most importantly, especially becuase you've got a disability (two kinds, by the sounds of...) & so, again I don't understand what their problem, or issue is with you. It sounds so unfair and way off-base, that I wouldn't even know where to begin. How & who are they to say that you should be working? What gives them the right, or the credentials to be qualified in order to say that? And what for, so you can pay for more of their stuff? Maybe it's time to cut the cord on at least some of that supply, to let them know just how great they've had it, in spite of all-else? And the fact that you do what you can around the house is very fine & noble, indeed. And also: "note-worthy!" I feel. . . as you can feel good about it, and yourself, and that he appreciates it speaks volumes. It's the thought that counts, in addition to, whatever you can, to make his life (& yours) easier. I'm just so glad you can appreciate that accomplishment then, as many who are on disability cannot even manage that. And justifiably so, in many cases. . . Goodness? How did they grow up to be so entitled? As I've said, you must have spoiled & showered them with love. Either then, and/or now. Somewhere along the way, they developed a safety mechanism or defense type of approach & excuse making. Something to make up for their deficiencies & lack of in life (accomplishments, whatever it is...) & to go blaming it on their Mother, who(m) only seems to have their best interest in m ind at all times~ is just borderline blasphemous to me... Maybe they'll understand one day, their wrongs. And hopefuly, you'll still be here to appreciate it. Sometimes when you've always been one way, or for a really long time. Let's say "unconditionally" loving of them. Then they don't know what they don't know. You know? They haven't gott en the chance to experience the lack of~ . . . Love. So I'm not suggesting you should, or need to show them. But whatever you do decide to change-up. Even if it's just caring a little bit less. Then that would be totally understandable in my book. And I hope you can forgive yourself as well. For while you seem to have an overall proper perspective on things. You also seem to be carrying around a pretty big whipping stick, with which to use or that you use, on yourself. From time-to-time. So that would be nice if you could maybe get rid of that, sometime sooner than later~ I'd like that a lot in fact. And I also don't feel that it is in any way deserved. Which is the bottom line, in the end*
Hey Mike, just wanted to say sorry you weren’t feeling good yesterday, but glad you are feeling better today Great that you’ll soon have your dodge back too, I’m happy for you and know how much joy she brings you.
Purposely not “tagging” you here so it won’t add to the alerts lol, whenever you have a chance to see/read this will be fine. Also, no need for a reply back either if you aren’t feeling up for it, “likes” are always great and more than enough so just wanted to let you know that
Hope the good days continue, wishing the best for you always, you are always so kind, caring, thoughtful, reassuring, compassionate and supportive with your replies to others here and I hope you know you make a big difference here! 
Great that you’ll soon have your dodge back too, I’m happy for you and know how much joy she brings you.Purposely not “tagging” you here so it won’t add to the alerts lol, whenever you have a chance to see/read this will be fine. Also, no need for a reply back either if you aren’t feeling up for it, “likes” are always great and more than enough so just wanted to let you know that
Hope the good days continue, wishing the best for you always, you are always so kind, caring, thoughtful, reassuring, compassionate and supportive with your replies to others here and I hope you know you make a big difference here! A bit stressed and pressured about some things, but I know she just wants us to be as safe and happy as we can be, especially if the worst ends up happening next month. Ugh the place to apply is just so demanding with all the proof/documents they want to see, wish it was a much simpler matter of just giving name/address/phone number, and then just like “stuff we can write out ourself” kind of stuff. Anyway once we can finally get on that wait list for it already then that will definitely be a relief (not only to “be on the list” but so I can tell her we are on it, lol). Ya, feeling maybe a bit “judged” by her like she is thinking we are dumb to not already be on it, and also how she said it “seems pretty straightforward” with applying, ya it “seems” that way at first, til you actually see the “list” of stuff they are requiring you to get for them. Just such a pain in the bloody ass, but ya once we’re on it it will definitely be a huge relief for sure.
Wishing everyone a nice day, and also I thought perhaps putting a bit of a more “general” reassurance here might hopefully be better than “nothing” since I don’t really have the time or energy to reply to each post here individually. Whatever you are currently feeling about either yourself or someone else is completely valid, and matters. Sometimes there is a harmony between other people “understanding” about this kind of thing, and sometimes there isn’t. Doing our best to be as understanding as we possibly can about all of it is often the most we can do. There are all kinds of reasons why “others” might not really understand what is going on with us, why we do what we do, the way we do it, and all those kinds of things. If you live near a library and are able to get to it, try checking out the self-help section there and seeing what you find. Assuming you like/enjoy reading of course. They also have audiobooks if you prefer to “hear” the info instead of reading it. There is a LOT of info out there (quite overwhelmingly so these days of course, I know!) that can be very helpful with staying calm/focused and as balanced and harmonious as you can be. It absolutely can be done, so whether you have a close, supportive and understanding family who can help you stay focused on finding balance, or if that is far less so (more or less the case for me, I am very lucky to have a few fairly close family members at least though, thankfully) and you end up having to wade through a lot more of the confusion of “opposing forces of feelings/energy” please try to keep in mind that there is good and bad to both situations. This is something I literally try to remind myself of every day. If you have decent/enough family/friends to give you support, it is less energy for you to have to draw from within yourself. If you don’t have enough support, then it makes it that much more rewarding when you are able to find the power within yourself to find what you need to be as strong, balanced, harmonious and happy of a person as you can be.
I hope those words I’ve typed out there are found to be helpful/reassuring and supportive to those who may be needing to hear them, and as I said earlier in this post (and in other posts I’ve done in here over the last days, weeks, months and years, lol) I am absolutely wishing the best for everyone here, always Here are lots of big, reassuring, sincere, caring, compassionate and hopefully comforting hugs for all who are wanting them 
Wishing everyone a nice day, and also I thought perhaps putting a bit of a more “general” reassurance here might hopefully be better than “nothing” since I don’t really have the time or energy to reply to each post here individually. Whatever you are currently feeling about either yourself or someone else is completely valid, and matters. Sometimes there is a harmony between other people “understanding” about this kind of thing, and sometimes there isn’t. Doing our best to be as understanding as we possibly can about all of it is often the most we can do. There are all kinds of reasons why “others” might not really understand what is going on with us, why we do what we do, the way we do it, and all those kinds of things. If you live near a library and are able to get to it, try checking out the self-help section there and seeing what you find. Assuming you like/enjoy reading of course. They also have audiobooks if you prefer to “hear” the info instead of reading it. There is a LOT of info out there (quite overwhelmingly so these days of course, I know!) that can be very helpful with staying calm/focused and as balanced and harmonious as you can be. It absolutely can be done, so whether you have a close, supportive and understanding family who can help you stay focused on finding balance, or if that is far less so (more or less the case for me, I am very lucky to have a few fairly close family members at least though, thankfully) and you end up having to wade through a lot more of the confusion of “opposing forces of feelings/energy” please try to keep in mind that there is good and bad to both situations. This is something I literally try to remind myself of every day. If you have decent/enough family/friends to give you support, it is less energy for you to have to draw from within yourself. If you don’t have enough support, then it makes it that much more rewarding when you are able to find the power within yourself to find what you need to be as strong, balanced, harmonious and happy of a person as you can be.
I hope those words I’ve typed out there are found to be helpful/reassuring and supportive to those who may be needing to hear them, and as I said earlier in this post (and in other posts I’ve done in here over the last days, weeks, months and years, lol) I am absolutely wishing the best for everyone here, always
Here are lots of big, reassuring, sincere, caring, compassionate and hopefully comforting hugs for all who are wanting them 
Here are some examples: (should you be interested!) : )
https://www.suicideforum.com/community/forums/welcome.34/
https://www.suicideforum.com/community/forums/my-story.39/
https://www.suicideforum.com/community/forums/suicidal-thoughts-and-feelings.41/
https://www.suicideforum.com/community/forums/welcome.34/
https://www.suicideforum.com/community/forums/my-story.39/
https://www.suicideforum.com/community/forums/suicidal-thoughts-and-feelings.41/