How Are You Feeling Right Now?

[JMG]

try to put yourself in a reversed role. what would you want your wife to do if you had passed. i'm sure she would want you to move on and be happy again. she has been and will be part of your heart forever no matter what you do.

Just wanted to say, I absolutely second this (as well as the rest of Mike/1964dodge’s entire, excellent post) and that is definitely exactly what I imagine I would absolutely be striving to do every day of my life, maybe even in terms of “anything” I was feeling (especially to do with any kinds of feelings of “guilt” about it) I would always want to be asking myself “is this something I would want them to be feeling if it was the other way around?” because it feels like something that would always be able to bring me at least a bit of “comfort” which I would feel confident they would also want me to feel as much as I possibly could.

I’m really sorry to hear of your struggles @1Lefty with dealing with such a loss like that, I can’t even imagine (closest beings I’ve ever experienced a “loss” over were my 2 kitties, in 2013 and 2019) what that must feel like. You have my deepest empathy and compassion. I believe she would absolutely want you to live the rest of your life being as happy, peaceful and content as you possibly can. Much easier said than done of course, I know, but even without having been through something of that magnitude, I still strive to do those things as much as I can every day of my life. I wish you the best of luck on your journey, and that your soul will find a deep peace, contentment and happiness soon

 

[JMG]

Feeling a lot of things right now, some of them being:

- Confusion - Omg, about SO MANY THINGS, like:
Why did any of that even “happen” in the first place?
What was I meant to “learn” from it?
Why could it not have been “meant to work out” (at least for friendship, which did seem promising in some ways at least)
Why did another thing happen the way it did? (ugh, this last one is REALLY annoying me a lot, maybe it is just my mind being paranoid, as it sometimes gets, but ya rn it is definitely trying to convince me that it was all done purposely to piss me right off and make me never want to…ya guess it would be wise to not finish that sentence, so I’ll just leave it as “never want to do something ever again”).

- Annoyed - Ok another one that I am feeling very uncomfortable with feeling, because it makes me annoyed at the fact that I’m feeling annoyed, if that makes sense. I’m feeling this in more of a “if those paranoid thoughts are correct” in a summation of a certain thing that happened, because it just doesn’t make ANY bloody sense!!!!!!!!!!!!

- Besides those, mostly just the typical “worried” and yes, still stressed about this Saturday, also tomorrow and Wednesday cos I will have to go out on both of those days and it’s annoying me that I can’t just get it ALL done tomorrow. I will be very glad when tomorrow is over that’s for sure. Wish I’d been able to get it done today, hoping for no rain tomorrow but whether it’s raining or not I’ll just have to tough it out no matter what cos there is a time deadline on getting these bloody things mailed off already. Ffs this is 2024 so it really needs to just be able to ALL be done online, god talk about idiotic, inefficient, exasperating, moronic and also bloody archaic, like having to send it IN THE MAIL?! Are ya kiddin me? Ugh. Anyway whatever, complaining about it ain’t gonna change “how it is”, I know, but I am considering writing a “note” along with those things I mail, respectfully asking them to PLEASE consider making this part of it be able to be done online as well. It would be a billion times easier for everyone, and also way more environmentally friendly too (all the paper that would be saved not having to “print it all out” plus the envelope and having to pay to send the thing in the mail).

Anyway ya those are the “main” things on my mind right now I guess. Wishing the best for everyone though, always

 

[AmberMarie]

i think i'm holding it together... started to slip a bit... however, i feel i grasped a bit tighter in hopes my grip will hold thew the remainder of tonight.

 

[PrincessPure]

I saw the girl who used to hit on my ex and trash talk me behind my back today. I will see her at the exam again today. It doesnt feel good.
On the bright side I passed microbiology exam yesterday. A few days of rest and im off to start anatomy 2.

 

[Astrid78]

Irritated that I'm considered negative because I don't want to be told how I feel is wrong. Go figure though that I get blamed for someone else disrespecting my boundaries.

 

[Astrid78]

I saw the girl who used to hit on my ex and trash talk me today. I will see her at the exam again today. It doesnt feel good.
On the bright side I passed microbiology exam yesterday. A few days of rest and im off to start anatomy 2.

Congrats on passing your exam!
I'm sorry you have to deal with that girl though and hope she isn't too much of a distraction.

 

[MisterBGone]

I saw the girl who used to hit on my ex and trash talk me behind my back today. I will see her at the exam again today. It doesnt feel good.
On the bright side I passed microbiology exam yesterday. A few days of rest and im off to start anatomy 2.

(&...) She's~ going to be A doc-tor?.! ;/ oy-vey*
And good job on the micro~ boring as heck-> ^to me! ;D

 

[Lane]

Lonely, tearful, afraid, raw

I'm missing my wife so much,. In a couple of days, it will be 14 years since her funeral, and I feel like I'm still saying goodbye.
I accept that my grief is the price for love, but it still hurts
I'm unsure whether I'll be able to remain in the house we shared

I'm also angry and resentful, that no matter how many times I reminded, implored, cajoled her about using the oxygen concentrator, so she could breathe while asleep, she would take it off, saying she could breathe fine with air from the floor vent, which was only recycled house air from the furnace or air conditioner.
No matter what I said about how she used (prescribed) opioids. I think she was addicted, and her therapist agreed. I even found a bottle of oxy from a second clinic,. I don't think there was any other time she was deceptive, or hid something like that.

She always insisted that it would be a long time till she left me alone. She said that if I died, she would have to be locked up, that she would go crazy without me. I'm the one who wound up hospitalized
Today, I feel like I'm still not "right" in the head, that the best part of me died, too.

peace

I'm sorry for the loss of your wife as well as all of your pain. I believe that some things never really leave us and change us forever. My heart goes out to you in everything that you're feeling but I hope that through all of it you can still smile with good memories Lefty. Although, you may not be feeling like that exactly today. Big 's.

 

[cymbele]

Feeling guilty. Usually in my job I am assigned a task to design and then I am busy doing it. Unfortunately before I went on vacation the task ended unexpectedly. So I have been waiting for another task and my boss told me to do professional development. I feel guilty about it because it is training during work hours and I feel like I’m goofing off. I usually do professional development on my own time. But this is what they want me to do so I suck it up.

 

[puffymilk]

Okay feeling a bit better now

 

[Lane]

I feel spent. My new job is wearing me out but that's ok. The children are cute except one child hits and kicks the others. I just have to learn how to do the lesson plans now. This is way different from working in an office. Some of the same goes, where the technology doesn't work. But I'm trying my best, that's all I can do.

 

[1964dodge]

Feeling a lot of things right now, some of them being:

- Confusion - Omg, about SO MANY THINGS, like:
Why did any of that even “happen” in the first place?
What was I meant to “learn” from it?
Why could it not have been “meant to work out” (at least for friendship, which did seem promising in some ways at least)
Why did another thing happen the way it did? (ugh, this last one is REALLY annoying me a lot, maybe it is just my mind being paranoid, as it sometimes gets, but ya rn it is definitely trying to convince me that it was all done purposely to piss me right off and make me never want to…ya guess it would be wise to not finish that sentence, so I’ll just leave it as “never want to do something ever again”).

- Annoyed - Ok another one that I am feeling very uncomfortable with feeling, because it makes me annoyed at the fact that I’m feeling annoyed, if that makes sense. I’m feeling this in more of a “if those paranoid thoughts are correct” in a summation of a certain thing that happened, because it just doesn’t make ANY bloody sense!!!!!!!!!!!!

- Besides those, mostly just the typical “worried” and yes, still stressed about this Saturday, also tomorrow and Wednesday cos I will have to go out on both of those days and it’s annoying me that I can’t just get it ALL done tomorrow. I will be very glad when tomorrow is over that’s for sure. Wish I’d been able to get it done today, hoping for no rain tomorrow but whether it’s raining or not I’ll just have to tough it out no matter what cos there is a time deadline on getting these bloody things mailed off already. Ffs this is 2024 so it really needs to just be able to ALL be done online, god talk about idiotic, inefficient, exasperating, moronic and also bloody archaic, like having to send it IN THE MAIL?! Are ya kiddin me? Ugh. Anyway whatever, complaining about it ain’t gonna change “how it is”, I know, but I am considering writing a “note” along with those things I mail, respectfully asking them to PLEASE consider making this part of it be able to be done online as well. It would be a billion times easier for everyone, and also way more environmentally friendly too (all the paper that would be saved not having to “print it all out” plus the envelope and having to pay to send the thing in the mail).

Anyway ya those are the “main” things on my mind right now I guess. Wishing the best for everyone though, always

 

[1964dodge]

pretty good day

mike

 

[LumberJack]

Exhausted and sad.

 

[1964dodge]

Exhausted and sad.

 

[AmberMarie]

Extremely overwhelmed. i have been pushing aside things that could wait to get done. However, the time has come that some just can't wait much longer. Between that and work schedule needing a quick scramble change due to someone being stuck out of the country... Slow and deep steady breathing... i can get through this!

 

[LumberJack]

I don’t even know what I am sad about. It’s like I am picking up suffering from the whole biosphere- the plants, animals, soil, and water. It’s not my suffering as an individual with a drivers license and a bank account, etc. But it is my sadness as a member of the whole interconnected ecosystem. It feels like everything is hurting, not just me, but Everything, everything.

 

[MisterBGone]

Extremely overwhelmed. i have been pushing aside things that could wait to get done. However, the time has come that some just can't wait much longer. Between that and work schedule needing a quick scramble change due to someone being stuck out of the country... Slow and deep steady breathing... i can get through this!

It's really junfair all of what's being asked of you. To be/being--continuing/& "continuously," pulled in (constantly) so many different directions at once?! I'd be complaining if you didn't have a single thing otherwise wrong with you health-wise. So, needless to say. . .

 

[AmberMarie]

It's really junfair all of what's being asked of you. To be/being--continuing/& "continuously," pulled in (constantly) so many different directions at once?! I'd be complaining if you didn't have a single thing otherwise wrong with you health-wise. So, needless to say. . .

To be fair... i have genuinely brought most of it on myself. i have been consistent and a "yes" person the entire time i have been working here, and in everything in my life. So they know they can ask things that i will accomplish one way or another. i have, however, been learning to say "no". Not often (or often enough), but i have. Not just at work, but in my home life and with my adult kids. i have found they respect that "no" and figure things out on their own. (Shocking) As long as i do not do it all the time, they know they can still count on me. That's the entire point. So others know they can count on me n i will Always be there for them!

 

[MisterBGone]

To be fair... i have genuinely brought most of it on myself. i have been consistent and a "yes" person the entire time i have been working here, and in everything in my life. So they know they can ask things that i will accomplish one way or another. i have, however, been learning to say "no". Not often (or often enough), but i have. Not just at work, but in my home life and with my adult kids. i have found they respect that "no" and figure things out on their own. (Shocking) As long as i do not do it all the time, they know they can still count on me. That's the entire point. So others know they can count on me n i will Always be there for them!

Good, this is good. Let them know where there's a line there, at times, and often enough, to where... it isn't going to as you say - come as quite so much of a "shock," to their system. Especially when it is something of more significance. That they feel matters, and is important to them. Give them a taste of the temperature, and used to the setting, or settings. I remember one time when I first started working in teh group homes and I was a t a high behavior house for woemn. But the senior staff told me &b goes.. "If you don't put your foot down, tehy'er just oing to keep running all over you!" ;D