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How Are You Feeling Right Now?
- Thread starter UNREGISTERED0000
- Start date
I just don’t see a way out of this rut. Seems like the only way to function as a human being is to impress on myself to want things out of life even though I don’t really want them. I move about as if I were a puppet pulling its own strings. I’m over it, as if that even matters. It’s not like I have any other choice because the only thing more exhausting than forcing myself to do anything is doing absolutely nothing.
Hi. I don't feel so good today. I miss the people I went to grade school with. I know it is silly, as it was 58 years ago when I graduated from 8th grade. But I miss many of those kids.
One in particular, a nice guy I knew who was a year or two younger but lived in my neighborhood and was friends with the kid next door. He was my friend too, but one day he wanted to beat me up. He was bigger than I was, so it would have been no problem for him to destroy me. Naturally, I did not fight him. Then a week or so later, he was really friendly to me again and we played ball together. And I wish I had asked him why he wanted to beat me up before?
So after 58 years, I wish I could ask him that now. I wish I could tell him that I'm glad he didn't beat me up and that we were friends. I can't even remember his name. I remember his friend's name but have no idea where he is.
It seems silly of me to think about it. But I do wish I could say "thanks for being my friend" to him. Also I wish I knew where some other kids were, just to say hi and to thank them for being friends too.
One in particular, a nice guy I knew who was a year or two younger but lived in my neighborhood and was friends with the kid next door. He was my friend too, but one day he wanted to beat me up. He was bigger than I was, so it would have been no problem for him to destroy me. Naturally, I did not fight him. Then a week or so later, he was really friendly to me again and we played ball together. And I wish I had asked him why he wanted to beat me up before?
So after 58 years, I wish I could ask him that now. I wish I could tell him that I'm glad he didn't beat me up and that we were friends. I can't even remember his name. I remember his friend's name but have no idea where he is.
It seems silly of me to think about it. But I do wish I could say "thanks for being my friend" to him. Also I wish I knew where some other kids were, just to say hi and to thank them for being friends too.
I don't think it's silly. If you have happy memories of the past, it's natural to have a sense of nostalgia for them.
I don't know if you'll be able to find those kids you once knew. Even if you can find them, they may not cherish the past the same way you did, or they may have changed, etc., but if you're willing to accept what you find or don't find, I don't see any harm in looking.
If you can find one of them, they might have clues about how to find the others. Maybe a research librarian at your local library could give you some advice?
I don't know if you'll be able to find those kids you once knew. Even if you can find them, they may not cherish the past the same way you did, or they may have changed, etc., but if you're willing to accept what you find or don't find, I don't see any harm in looking.
If you can find one of them, they might have clues about how to find the others. Maybe a research librarian at your local library could give you some advice?
Just a possibility but with me and my friends when we were little (boys), some of us would want to fight each other one day, and be best buds the next. I don't know why. It seemed totally normal to me at the time. The reason for wanting to fight was more often than not something going on within ourselves. For example, my mom did babysitting of neighborhood kids to bring in some extra money. This was about 6-8 years old for me, and the kids were different ages but clustered around the same age. One of these kids I thought I just hated with a murderous rage and I wanted to pick on him. It wasn't anything he did; it was just my own confusion. In hindsight I think I had a crush on him but didn't know a boy could crush on another boy. I know it sounds young to have a crush that early in life, but I remember discovering my sexuality around 7 years old, and most other kids did so around 10-12. So maybe I was a prodigy in that area? j/k 
how I feel right now is inexplicably anxious. I was pretty much good for most of the day, which is a relief because it's so unusual. As soon as it turned to dusk, I am suddenly aggravated. It's a combination of being anxious and irritated and feeling like someone I trusted did me wrong. The trigger could have been anything. In substance use recovery, I learned about some universal triggers through the acronym HALT. This expands to Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired (and some practitioners use Stressed as well). I noticed early today I was all of the above. I got some food but couldn't do much about the others. I tried to nap, but just felt too agitated to do anything but pace and wring my hands. I finally did some journaling just to write out the words of the thoughts that were repeating over and over (and over, and over...) in my head. This helped, but I still feel anxious, and a lot of "fight" energy, as in "fight or flight." I keep clenching my jaw and fists.
I really have no desire to fight. I just am really activated at the moment and don't know what else to do. I kind of wish someone would tell me I should do something so that I could be stubborn and argue with them. Maybe I should go to a political forum and start beef with the other side, lol. j/k I think arguing on the internet is absurd.
I really have no desire to fight. I just am really activated at the moment and don't know what else to do. I kind of wish someone would tell me I should do something so that I could be stubborn and argue with them. Maybe I should go to a political forum and start beef with the other side, lol. j/k I think arguing on the internet is absurd.
As a matter of fact, I looked on Classmates and found the one kid I lived next door to. I haven't written to him yet (I think I would need to be a member), but perhaps I will and ask about his friend. Probably he will have no idea who I am talking about, or care, but he'd likely remember me. Maybe he will be glad to hear from me, or maybe not.
Well, I do get that one day a kid will feel like beating me up, and the next wanna be pals. Maybe it's just seeing a good side to someone, maybe it is just "growing pains". I do remember being so surprised that this kid wanted to beat me to a pulp one day and play ball with me the next. It was great, but I wish I had asked him why he wanted to beat me up before. I guess I'll never know.