How Are You Feeling Right Now?

[1964dodge]

Restless, impatient, and anxious for something to change at last. I don’t want to share the burden of my suffering with others, but it is somewhat relieving to see that someone is aware of it and cares that it’s still happening.

unfortunately in a site like this there is a lot of suffering. of course each person is an individual and everyone's pain is different but just as valid. i hope that things improve for you soon but i hope that you can take comfort knowing that a lot of people on SF care about you and wish you could get better, including me

mike.....

 

[1964dodge]

I'm feeling pretty good

i hope you have a lot more good days in your future, you deserve to be happy

mike...

 

[1964dodge]

That horrible moment, while I'm feeling riled up right now. I just hate it when people use your vulnerabilities against you. How is that funny? Or helpful?

that should never happen. as far as the doctor talking to mom and aunt i think it's appropriate if it's done right, in my opinioin if the doctor considers it neccessary to talk to them he should tell you first. then he should show you the respect to allow you to be present during those talks.

mike....

 

[1964dodge]

I feel like I want to commit suicide all the time I feel terrible life has been awful just lying in bed all day trying not to panic

 

[puffymilk]

i hope you have a lot more good days in your future, you deserve to be happy

mike...

Thank you so much Mike. Wishing you all happiness as well

 

[1Lefty]

Terrible, I have a stomach ache, and the thought of food doesn't appeal to me
Yet I'm one of those people who shouldn't skip meals
I think it's stress and anxiety related
I'm just drinking ice water,
I hope it will pass soon

peace

 

[1964dodge]

I am feeling low, and broken.

i'm sorry that you feel low but you aren't broken. you have a lot of issues to deal wth and your heart is torn between two countries. you are brave and strong and eventually things will get better

mike....

 

[1964dodge]

Thank you so much Mike. Wishing you all happiness as well

you're welcome and thank you for wishing me happiness

mike....

 

[1964dodge]

Not the best today. After waking up too early with shockingly sore eyes, I had the palaver of meetings in different places and running around the city. I could barely focus at all in my last 2 meetings and don't know if I was able to mask my state sufficiently. Time will tell. As part of the day's work I met my new manager (because my old one is retiring). There is no way she can replace him. I came away feeling shocked, upset and like my integrity had been picked apart to look for errors on my part. And this is someone who's supposed to support me. FFS. I'm just completely mindless right now with whatever my stupid sleep patterns are doing. I'm getting some sleep but it's not refreshing and I feel dazed most of the day. I swear I have tinnitus as well. Won't be long out of bed.

 

[1964dodge]

I don’t have contacts except the few I’ve established here. I have no reason to mistrust them, but the appeal of offloading my anguish onto friends has worn thin over the years. I sound, at least to myself, like a broken record; it’s frustrating trying to convey the same feelings in different ways in an attempt to at least keep it interesting. Anyway, it’s not like I vent for anyone’s entertainment, but when nothing changes in the long-term, it just seems like a waste of time and energy.

i'm sorry but i have to disagree with part of the post. when we are suffering it helps to unload a bit with a friend online or irl. take me, i have complained about pain a lot on this site for 6 years, not as much now but when pain gets bad i vent, it helps knowing that people care. so in short please at least vent when you're suffering. we may not help with your pain but just knowing that we care can ease some of your anguish

mike....

 

[1964dodge]

Worry over my cats health, and finding an apartment asap. Worryy worry anxiety

i hope your cat gets better and you can find an affordable apartment that you like

mike....

 

[1964dodge]

Caught up in too much bad news - the world is overwhelmed with pain and suffering and even though it's not possible, I wish it weren't like this.

hugs to anyone who needs them

thank you for the hugs, i can always use hugs. the world is a scary place and needs help. it could go one of two ways. it can destroy itself due to greedy and violent people or become a paradise. i think eventually it willl be a paradise, it may take 100s of years and many wars but i have faith in mankind.

mike....

 

[corneredrat]

Yes, I am very suicidal. I feel like a cornered rat. This time like a real stuck critter.
I have to make a choice.
Option 1. I go fulfill 'my duty' and die. Either in combat or by my own hand, it matters little. It is most likely dying. Or becoming a limbless blob of meat, which so much worse. Dying is terrifying but it would grant me peace I crave for with all my essence. I have zero life fuel left.
Option 2. I become a parasite and live with aunt in the village but I face fines x10 of what I make per month with the chance of it increasing down the road with my bank accounts blocked which simply prolongs my suffering. I will have to convince her to allow me to use her bank account for everything, meaning dragging her into this mess of a life I live. Plus there is no guarantee the fines wont' keep growing or that they won't take my apartment someday. This option means I will have to keep hiding for a looong time, fearing my own shadow until the war is over, but if it drags on and the fines won't get cancelled, I will most likely have nothing until the end of my life. No jobs here, no jobs abroad, no way to earn money if I lose the current part time thing. This isn't even life, it's a mockery. Plus it might create problems for my aunt or make her despise me in time, since her son is serving right now...
I want to pick option 1. But most men are in similiar spot right now, so there is a chance it might not get as insane as it seems. But it might get worse. The laws haven't taken effect yet - it will happen on the 18-th of May... It might be a true manhunt...
There is Option 3 which I am still considering. To apply for a decent brigade directly. I will have to serve but they claim to give their recruits a proper 60 days training and aren't simply butchers in the uniforms. Or so it seems. But they are likely to have some requirements and I am not sure I will be able to pass them...

I just want to never wake up again.

 

[1964dodge]

Feeling the same way, wishing I could "do more" to help all who are suffering.

Thank you for the hugs, they are definitely needed by me right now.

Hugs back to you if you are wanting them too, and also hugs to everyone else who wants them

thank you and hugs back to you and all who want them

mike,.....

 

[1964dodge]

I still feel that terrible stomach cramp... ugh I hate it

i hope your stomach cramp goes away soon

mike....

 

[1964dodge]

Terrible, I have a stomach ache, and the thought of food doesn't appeal to me
Yet I'm one of those people who shouldn't skip meals
I think it's stress and anxiety related
I'm just drinking ice water,
I hope it will pass soon

peace

i hope you feel better soon

mike....

 

[1964dodge]

Yes, I am very suicidal. I feel like a cornered rat. This time like a real stuck critter.
I have to make a choice.
Option 1. I go fulfill 'my duty' and die. Either in combat or by my own hand, it matters little. It is most likely dying. Or becoming a limbless blob of meat, which so much worse. Dying is terrifying but it would grant me peace I crave for with all my essence. I have zero life fuel left.
Option 2. I become a parasite and live with aunt in the village but I face fines x10 of what I make per month with the chance of it increasing down the road with my bank accounts blocked which simply prolongs my suffering. I will have to convince her to allow me to use her bank account for everything, meaning dragging her into this mess of a life I live. Plus there is no guarantee the fines wont' keep growing or that they won't take my apartment someday. This option means I will have to keep hiding for a looong time, fearing my own shadow until the war is over, but if it drags on and the fines won't get cancelled, I will most likely have nothing until the end of my life. No jobs here, no jobs abroad, no way to earn money if I lose the current part time thing. This isn't even life, it's a mockery. Plus it might create problems for my aunt or make her despise me in time, since her son is serving right now...
I want to pick option 1. But most men are in similiar spot right now, so there is a chance it might not get as insane as it seems. But it might get worse. The laws haven't taken effect yet - it will happen on the 18-th of May... It might be a true manhunt...
There is Option 3 which I am still considering. To apply for a decent brigade directly. I will have to serve but they claim to give their recruits a proper 60 days training and aren't simply butchers in the uniforms. Or so it seems. But they are likely to have some requirements and I am not sure I will be able to pass them...

I just want to never wake up again.

living in a warzone is horrible and unjust. i am a vietnam era vet. i joined the navy when i was 17 right about the time they were pulling out of vietnam, but there was still danger. if my country went to war because we were attacked i'd consider it my duty to protect my country but that's just me. in your stuation there could be several viable options.

1. see if your country allows conscientious objector status. you still have to go and serve in supporting fighters but no combat.

2 research which branch of the service that is safer. if there is a unit that's safer use that.

3. run away. your aunt could face charges and fines if she hides you and one of the first places they look. won't say anything about your character because i'm not there. but i can tell you from history draft dodgers suffer their whole life. a lot of drafted people hid in canada and faced severe charges and prison time until they finally granted amnesty. to this day these people suffer if they had draft dodging in thier permanent record, so i wouldn't reccomend running.

4. time. you still have time to weigh your options. if you can have a close friend or family help you. i hope the war ends soon and you and others in your country can stop suffering

mike.....

 

[1964dodge]

i'm feeling great today. had a few med issues to straighten out but otherwise ok. i ran out of my lidocaine patches. anyway we figured out the problem. the script said apply a patch and my doctor ordered 60, one for each leg. but since it said apply a patch i only got 1 a day. we figured it out and in process of dealing with it lol.

mike

 

[corneredrat]

living in a warzone is horrible and unjust. i am a vietnam era vet. i joined the navy when i was 17 right about the time they were pulling out of vietnam, but there was still danger. if my country went to war because we were attacked i'd consider it my duty to protect my country but that's just me. in your stuation there could be several viable options.

1. see if your country allows conscientious objector status. you still have to go and serve in supporting fighters but no combat.

2 research which branch of the service that is safer. if there is a unit that's safer use that.

3. run away. your aunt could face charges and fines if she hides you and one of the first places they look. won't say anything about your character because i'm not there. but i can tell you from history draft dodgers suffer their whole life. a lot of drafted people hid in canada and faced severe charges and prison time until they finally granted amnesty. to this day these people suffer if they had draft dodging in thier permanent record, so i wouldn't reccomend running.

4. time. you still have time to weigh your options. if you can have a close friend or family help you. i hope the war ends soon and you and others in your country can stop suffering

mike.....

It really is horrible. I've never thought I'd face such situation.

1. Nothing like that here. Either you fight or you fight after being beaten up
2. The safest branches are all filled up by the 'right' people with connections and money. Most recruits become assault troopers for the frontlines and die like flies.
3. I am not a criminal and it won't be like she would harbor me. Those fines and stuff are purely administrative for now. But if I were to receive a mobilization notice with a date of departure to the training center and I wouldn't go - then i'd be a criminal. Those are given after going through medical examination. I haven't gotten to one of those yet. Also running away is impossible. No where to run to, borders to EU are guarded with the latest tech. Plus I am too much of a sheltered nothingness in human form to succeed in escaping. Even then it wouldn't solve the ultimate issue - myself.
4. I don't have friends and my father is in Russia - can't help me aside from giving me spare change time from time. My cousin and my aunt are helpful, but they have their own worries...
All of those points feel like a true corner, don't they?
Still, appreciate your lengthy response.

 

[Inanimate]

unfortunately in a site like this there is a lot of suffering. of course each person is an individual and everyone's pain is different but just as valid. i hope that things improve for you soon but i hope that you can take comfort knowing that a lot of people on SF care about you and wish you could get better, including me

mike.....

Thank you, Mike.

i'm sorry but i have to disagree with part of the post. when we are suffering it helps to unload a bit with a friend online or irl. take me, i have complained about pain a lot on this site for 6 years, not as much now but when pain gets bad i vent, it helps knowing that people care. so in short please at least vent when you're suffering. we may not help with your pain but just knowing that we care can ease some of your anguish

mike....

One thing is certain: I think too much about everything, which overwhelms me such that I feel helpless to make any difference in my life. However, I’m not helpless; I just haven’t learned to trust myself.