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How Are You Feeling Right Now?
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I would also challenge your conclusion. I think that at least SF is a nicer place WITH you here. If there are unhealthy patterns in your behavior, it is not necessarily who you are or a fixed characteristic. Example- I have been crap at boundaries before I knew how to use them. I was a complete doormat until I got fed up and would abandon the relationship (usually acquaintances or coworkers). My therapist said that I don’t have boundaries, I have walls. He was right about that but I had no idea.
I guess usually parents teach kids how to manage boundaries by example, and they pick it up at the appropriate age, or some parents teach their kids about boundaries through helping them solve problems with classmates and explaining the difference between passivity, aggression, and assertiveness.
My mom did not have any boundaries, nor was I allowed to have any boundaries. Dad was out of the picture. So I learned this later in life. Now I’m better at this emotional intelligence stuff. That has made me a kinder person after practice and time. I hope this story is relevant to your current worry, or at least entertaining.
TL;DR - You can get better. It’s a matter of identifying behaviors that don’t match your values and learning more healthy ways to handle those situations.
I guess usually parents teach kids how to manage boundaries by example, and they pick it up at the appropriate age, or some parents teach their kids about boundaries through helping them solve problems with classmates and explaining the difference between passivity, aggression, and assertiveness.
My mom did not have any boundaries, nor was I allowed to have any boundaries. Dad was out of the picture. So I learned this later in life. Now I’m better at this emotional intelligence stuff. That has made me a kinder person after practice and time. I hope this story is relevant to your current worry, or at least entertaining.
TL;DR - You can get better. It’s a matter of identifying behaviors that don’t match your values and learning more healthy ways to handle those situations.
Embarrassed af. My roommate, who is also my sister, found an Amazon package for me on the front porch. So she decided to bring it in. I was not expecting her to be home that early. I had been careless and left some… items out in my room and left to run errands. Well, she decided to drop it on my bed, and I don’t have a door lock (this will change ASAP). Soooooo she ended up coming face to face with a whole assortment of things that I would have not wanted her to see. 😳 Including my personal laptop with an incriminating website displayed. Yikes!
She hasn’t mentioned it and I don’t think she will, but if she does I will apologize and admit that I should not have left all that stuff out. I didn’t want her to see that stuff because she has a far more rigid/conservative attitude towards things that I am much more relaxed about.
Problem is that she saw it, I know she saw it, and she knows that I am aware of this faux-pas. So I am sitting here guessing what she is thinking about this. I don’t see any point in worrying; the damage has been done. I can’t read anyone’s mind, either. I just feel like a total ass 🫏. I will get over it, but this is the most embarrassing moment in a long time.
She hasn’t mentioned it and I don’t think she will, but if she does I will apologize and admit that I should not have left all that stuff out. I didn’t want her to see that stuff because she has a far more rigid/conservative attitude towards things that I am much more relaxed about.
Problem is that she saw it, I know she saw it, and she knows that I am aware of this faux-pas. So I am sitting here guessing what she is thinking about this. I don’t see any point in worrying; the damage has been done. I can’t read anyone’s mind, either. I just feel like a total ass 🫏. I will get over it, but this is the most embarrassing moment in a long time.
SF is important to me. If I'm a positive influence at all, that is encouraging.
I'm grateful for you telling me about this, bc it's the same for me. It's disfunctional and I need to work on changing myself. I'm not sure how but usually the universe gifts us with opportunities when our awareness opens. Sigh. It seems my walls come up and can hurt others just when support and sharing would move the relationship forward. Definitely related to my childhood, as you also mentioned.
Thank you for saying I can get better.
I'm grateful for you telling me about this, bc it's the same for me. It's disfunctional and I need to work on changing myself. I'm not sure how but usually the universe gifts us with opportunities when our awareness opens. Sigh. It seems my walls come up and can hurt others just when support and sharing would move the relationship forward. Definitely related to my childhood, as you also mentioned.
Thank you for saying I can get better.
I'm saying that I wanna become a child mentally again. I made a thread about it that got locked.<mod edit - method>, but I'm scared of the pain, potentially dying and making those that care about me cry. I'm trying to find alternate ways to go about it, but everyone I talk to shuts down the conversation immediately.
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Gosh, what kind of therapy is THAT? It's only a small thing but the world is a nicer place for me partly because of you and your posts on here, going all the way back to when I first came here. I'm sorry that your session made you feel that way. Maybe it's part of a process, but you are a good and helpful person and the world needs you in it.
Oh yikes. To be honest this is one of the things that keeps me alive - the fear of people going through my stuff after I've gone, and finding things that maybe might not fit with their limited concept of me! I have vivid fantasies of them all chatting about it and forming judgements. They are a lot more judgemental than myself! I don't know how I'd cope with my sister being my room mate 😱
