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How Are You Feeling Right Now?
- Thread starter UNREGISTERED0000
- Start date
I was having a better day, something of a window, just getting on with what I need to get on with. Then suddenly I spotted something and started going into a near panic attack as I just can't deal with any more. I still don't know if my anxiety is reading too much into patterns of light/shadow on my bedroom ceiling or if I can see water spreading. If my roof is fucked, I am definitely completely and utterly fucked. I feel like life is just emotionally abusing me and torturing me at this point.
I'm confused and anxious as fuck right now. I was planning on a quiet day to try to regain some sanity, when events conspired to make the anxiety demons burst out again. Was just chilling and feeling Ok, when I got a call from one of the building guys who said he could be here in 20 minutes to look at the wall shit. So I had to get dressed and awake very quickly indeed, and he turned up 20 minutes later. Looked at the entire project and the quote was so ridiculously low it's made me anxious in itself. He also said they could start tomorrow 😱 Why is the quote so low and why is he keen to start so soon?
Now my anxiety is like - what about the noise and dust and the neighbours, part of one wall adjoins the next property and not sure who it belongs to, what if they fuck my wall up, what if they fuck the neighbours' wall up and I get legal action against me. What if they ask for the money upfront then run, what if, what if, what if. If I did it tomorrow I would have to cancel meetings and let people down, what if they just pull out of deals instead of rescheduling? What if, what if, what if, my stomach's doing somersaults. What if I can't take the stress of it all day and have a breakdown, which I am very close to already. Are my concerns genuine or is it all down to anxiety, I can't tell any more!
I think the best idea is to sleep on it and if I do book it in, arrange for a future time, which also causes anxiety as it's weather dependent, so I could take the time off work, use up my leave, and the work gets cancelled, then I have to think about calling in sick and pissing people off last minute. This situation is absolute hell for me, trying to juggle so many things, then I went in my email and there was more bad news. I'm just not sure how much more I can take.
Now my anxiety is like - what about the noise and dust and the neighbours, part of one wall adjoins the next property and not sure who it belongs to, what if they fuck my wall up, what if they fuck the neighbours' wall up and I get legal action against me. What if they ask for the money upfront then run, what if, what if, what if. If I did it tomorrow I would have to cancel meetings and let people down, what if they just pull out of deals instead of rescheduling? What if, what if, what if, my stomach's doing somersaults. What if I can't take the stress of it all day and have a breakdown, which I am very close to already. Are my concerns genuine or is it all down to anxiety, I can't tell any more!
I think the best idea is to sleep on it and if I do book it in, arrange for a future time, which also causes anxiety as it's weather dependent, so I could take the time off work, use up my leave, and the work gets cancelled, then I have to think about calling in sick and pissing people off last minute. This situation is absolute hell for me, trying to juggle so many things, then I went in my email and there was more bad news. I'm just not sure how much more I can take.
Sometimes, it seems like it never ends. I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. I’m beyond financially strained right now, and I have breakdowns every day. It’s always been hard, but this just feel like abuse, like you said. We don’t deserve this. Sending giant hugs if it helps
Flat out ask the guy with the low quote why can he offer a quote 10x less than the other quotes. Make him give an actual detailed, written quote, on paper. Get his info., like trade license and full name. Ask him for reference work which you can go see. Even if you're not going to go see it.
Sorry that you have all this and the other issues behind it, and whatever the bad news in the email was. We are here for you AvidFan. Take good care of yourself.
Sorry that you have all this and the other issues behind it, and whatever the bad news in the email was. We are here for you AvidFan. Take good care of yourself.
That's a good idea to get a written quote. I found him on Mybuilder.com and he's got 63 reviews - mainly good ones, some bad which he's responded to. My anxiety just wanted to give the go ahead and get it out of the way but am trying to pull myself back and not rush into anything. Most of the reviews of Mybuilder are good. Problem with UK is there is basically no regulation at all of tradespeople.
Currently I'm in tears as I was watching a Youtube video the other week on this subject, and I left a comment and the Youtuber replied. So today I replied again and mentioned the situation and he kindly said I could whatsapp him some pictures and he'd take a look and give me some advice (he's at the other end of the country). Just that small kindness somehow broke my tear ducts open. Don't know if I'll get anywhere with it.
Reddit is out. All I would get would be "you're a homeowner, suck it up" All I've got saved up is what I owe the tax man in January my income is drying up (bad news was another small income stream getting closed off) and at this rate I will be off sick with stress and then I really am done.
Currently I'm in tears as I was watching a Youtube video the other week on this subject, and I left a comment and the Youtuber replied. So today I replied again and mentioned the situation and he kindly said I could whatsapp him some pictures and he'd take a look and give me some advice (he's at the other end of the country). Just that small kindness somehow broke my tear ducts open. Don't know if I'll get anywhere with it.
Reddit is out. All I would get would be "you're a homeowner, suck it up" All I've got saved up is what I owe the tax man in January my income is drying up (bad news was another small income stream getting closed off) and at this rate I will be off sick with stress and then I really am done.
The Youtube expert said I could get the wall REBUILT twice for £7200 so it appears that quote was so ridiculous it made the other one look ridiculous the other way - but the YT guy said £420 is more realistic (sent him photos as well). I've asked for a written quote confirming the price but not heard anything back yet.
I might need to pivot though as I now have problems with the roof and chimney flashing. I'm just finding problem, after problem, after problem. It's so ironic that all the famous people who kill themselves are unhappy despite having money - money would solve all my problems overnight. I would just pay some company £20,000 and go away for a few weeks while they fix everything then just get on with my life, or better still just buy a house that isn't a piece of fucking shit. Maybe a mansion. I would be happy. All my problems are down to lack of money and having to work constantly while exhausted just to make ends meet and now having issues that I can't afford to fix, and can't afford not to fix, making me sick with worry.
I went out for a run and all my head was full of was planning. Getting rid of personal items I don't want to be seen, making sure my will and paperwork is left in order for those I leave behind, whether to use my savings or a credit card to pay for my funeral so I don't leave that hassle behind for people. Admittedly these things are buffers because unless I am absolutely desperate, I will get those things sorted first, but I guess I will have made my mind up if I start putting those plans into action and every step will take me closer to the brink.
I am worried for myself. I don't want to die, I just want this misery to stop.
I might need to pivot though as I now have problems with the roof and chimney flashing. I'm just finding problem, after problem, after problem. It's so ironic that all the famous people who kill themselves are unhappy despite having money - money would solve all my problems overnight. I would just pay some company £20,000 and go away for a few weeks while they fix everything then just get on with my life, or better still just buy a house that isn't a piece of fucking shit. Maybe a mansion. I would be happy. All my problems are down to lack of money and having to work constantly while exhausted just to make ends meet and now having issues that I can't afford to fix, and can't afford not to fix, making me sick with worry.
I went out for a run and all my head was full of was planning. Getting rid of personal items I don't want to be seen, making sure my will and paperwork is left in order for those I leave behind, whether to use my savings or a credit card to pay for my funeral so I don't leave that hassle behind for people. Admittedly these things are buffers because unless I am absolutely desperate, I will get those things sorted first, but I guess I will have made my mind up if I start putting those plans into action and every step will take me closer to the brink.
I am worried for myself. I don't want to die, I just want this misery to stop.
