How Are You Feeling Right Now?

[mosaic hearts]

Dear @Angie, @FlamingoWrangler, @LumberJack, @KM76710, & @Livelife:

Each & every one of you are beautiful people. The kindness & love you've extended to me in your posts have brought me to tears. That you all accept me for who I am & where I am in my life is truly a gift. I used to belong to other online support groups. One was a DID-dedicated site & another was Fort Refuge. (I understand the latter has folded.) I didn't have the freedom to post about my suicidal thoughts & feelings in any way, shape, or form. Just mentioning the subject would get you banned temporarily & your posts deleted. It was deeply upsetting for me. I had no place to turn with my "secret" which meant of course how I felt oftentimes escalated to a dangerous level, i.e., coming very close to an ☆☆☆Trigger Warning☆☆☆ attempt. Until I accidentally found SF one day while doing a desperate Google search. Finding SF has been a godsend for me. Being safe & free to post on SF about my thoughts & feelings related to suicide (except plans, methods, intent, etc.) has de-escalated/lessened many instances of near attempting. Sharing the burden is akin to releasing pressure from a pressure cooker that's about to explode. It gives you some breathing room, a
period of badly needed rest so that you can collect your thoughts about what to do next. Supportive & caring feedback from SF members not only have helped to uplift the spirit & decrease loneliness, they've served as hope & inspiration for better days ahead. So, thank you from the bottom of my heart, for accepting me for me & allowing me to just be. I'm very luck to be part of a community of amazing people! God bless each & every one of you!💓

 

[mosaic hearts]

Hello, and thank you for sharing so eloquently about the battle you are facing.

I relate to the scary drawings done by younger self(ves). I went through a period of that myself, which earned me the DID diagnosis also.

May I encourage you that it can and does get better? At least it has for me in my experience.

Be glad to support you in PM also, should you choose. I am around off and on during the US day (and night!).

Bless you

Dear @Angie,

All I can say is thank you for extending your hand of support to me & sharing your experiences of strength & hope. I know that about 1% of the population suffers from Dissociative Identity Disorder because of overwhelming childhood trauma. But you feel very alone when you don't know anyone who carries the same diagnosis. Thank you for allowing me to PM you. I try to not burden people with my problems. I'm mindful that everyone here is dealing with their own pain & are on their own journey of healing. However, it's a comfort to know I'm/we're truly not alone & can reach out to you if needed. Thank you for that! 💓

 

[MagickLynx]

Hey, sorry to see things are like this for you, yet understand quite a bit. Trauma is a pain and finding help can seem like a joke sometimes. Been there, tried that, at one point I didn't think anything would help. But I've found some ways to help get through and hope you can too.
Please hang on a little longer, let us know how you are doing.

Thank you Astrid. I'm going to try to.

 

[nicktheundoer]

Kind of like pieces of a branch that have been snapped and tossed into a creek. Sorry to be negative.

🥺🥺🫂🫂🫂sorryyy..............

 

[nicktheundoer]

Dear @Angie, @FlamingoWrangler, @LumberJack, @KM76710, & @Livelife:

Each & every one of you are beautiful people. The kindness & love you've extended to me in your posts have brought me to tears. That you all accept me for who I am & where I am in my life is truly a gift. I used to belong to other online support groups. One was a DID-dedicated site & another was Fort Refuge. (I understand the latter has folded.) I didn't have the freedom to post about my suicidal thoughts & feelings in any way, shape, or form. Just mentioning the subject would get you banned temporarily & your posts deleted. It was deeply upsetting for me. I had no place to turn with my "secret" which meant of course how I felt oftentimes escalated to a dangerous level, i.e., coming very close to an ☆☆☆Trigger Warning☆☆☆ attempt. Until I accidentally found SF one day while doing a desperate Google search. Finding SF has been a godsend for me. Being safe & free to post on SF about my thoughts & feelings related to suicide (except plans, methods, intent, etc.) has de-escalated/lessened many instances of near attempting. Sharing the burden is akin to releasing pressure from a pressure cooker that's about to explode. It gives you some breathing room, a
period of badly needed rest so that you can collect your thoughts about what to do next. Supportive & caring feedback from SF members not only have helped to uplift the spirit & decrease loneliness, they've served as hope & inspiration for better days ahead. So, thank you from the bottom of my heart, for accepting me for me & allowing me to just be. I'm very luck to be part of a community of amazing people! God bless each & every one of you!💓

 

[Windhover]

thanks for the hugs @nicktheundoer . I hope you are feeling better. I'm doing better now than when I wrote that.

 

[1Lefty]

Disappointed and, struggling

I'm back at the previous (higher) dose of the mood stabilizer lamotrigine
I talked with my pdoc on Thursday, and after talking about recent events/thoughts, she strongly suggested that I go back to the higher dose
I deferred to her judgement, reluctantly, but also recognized that she is trained to observe and recommend objectively, which I can't do
I'm in the center of my mental illness, and my perceptions are skewed
She also said that I seemed to be resisting a diagnosis of bipolar, and that it required me to be treated with medication
She's right, but part of me still thinks that if I can get the thoughts and feelings oriented correctly in my mind, then I'll be normal
I remember feeling positive and resilient at a lower dose of both the mood stabilizer and anti-depressant, but that may have been the early manic stages of a mood swing,
I feel like I'm defective, to need chemical restraints to live normally, or at least with minimal examples of acting like an a**hole
I want to cry now, but I can't, the mood stabilizer has that effect on me, along with other side effects, I can't laugh either
Is it really living?

peace

 

[AvidFan]

Disappointed and, struggling

I'm back at the previous (higher) dose of the mood stabilizer lamotrigine
I talked with my pdoc on Thursday, and after talking about recent events/thoughts, she strongly suggested that I go back to the higher dose
I deferred to her judgement, reluctantly, but also recognized that she is trained to observe and recommend objectively, which I can't do
I'm in the center of my mental illness, and my perceptions are skewed
She also said that I seemed to be resisting a diagnosis of bipolar, and that it required me to be treated with medication
She's right, but part of me still thinks that if I can get the thoughts and feelings oriented correctly in my mind, then I'll be normal
I remember feeling positive and resilient at a lower dose of both the mood stabilizer and anti-depressant, but that may have been the early manic stages of a mood swing,
I feel like I'm defective, to need chemical restraints to live normally, or at least with minimal examples of acting like an a**hole
I want to cry now, but I can't, the mood stabilizer has that effect on me, along with other side effects, I can't laugh either
Is it really living?

peace

So sorry you have had this news and feel this way, I appreciate how hard it is for you. I wish I knew something to say that would be helpful for you

 

[mosaic hearts]

Thank you, @nicktheundoer!

 

[cymbele]

Disappointed in my new car. Sounds like a whine because many here don't have car but after a year I'm learning about it and getting more dissatisfied. Maybe I get rid of it and work an extra year to get a new one. This was supposed to the end of cars for me and I would never have to buy a car again. But I'm disappointed in myself for buying it.

 

[AvidFan]

Disappointed in my new car. Sounds like a whine because many here don't have car but after a year I'm learning about it and getting more dissatisfied. Maybe I get rid of it and work an extra year to get a new one. This was supposed to the end of cars for me and I would never have to buy a car again. But I'm disappointed in myself for buying it.

I feel the same about whining about my house. Many people don't have/can't afford a house. But it's still a huge burden without adequate finances! I hope you get on Ok with your car.

 

[AvidFan]

Lazy, but am going to get up and do some more housework as I left some things unfinished. I need to organise my sofa so it's less cluttered, the mail just gets thrown down the other end, needs a tidy.

 

[HappyKitty]

been loving to bond w my aunt these days😸🥰 and excited to go to a pet fair tmrw to buy my kitties new toys and treats!! 😸🐾

 

[puffymilk]

Neutral. I wish I could have a simple life. Why does everything have to be so complicated?

 

[LumberJack]

Disappointed in my new car. Sounds like a whine because many here don't have car but after a year I'm learning about it and getting more dissatisfied. Maybe I get rid of it and work an extra year to get a new one. This was supposed to the end of cars for me and I would never have to buy a car again. But I'm disappointed in myself for buying it.

What kind of car is it? I have a car that I love, but I am someone who loves cars, especially fast ones. So if you just want something that is basic transportation, it might not fit for you. Anyway, I looooove talking cars so if I can help, please let me know.

 

[AvidFan]

Neutral. I wish I could have a simple life. Why does everything have to be so complicated?

Indeed!

 

[TragicReality]

I've had to rent rooms for years. The last one before I got here was a landlord from hell. I don't care how this sounds, it's true. I was hurried out of there, he was getting mad at me. I had my old dentures in my mouth, sometimes they seemed more comfortable as I was adjusting to my new ones. I had to leave quickly and he turned my bedroom light out in the basement. When I came back there to collect the rest of my stuff, outside strewn all over, he had thrown out my new set of dentures and 2 new pairs of glasses i had to pay out of pocket for!!

This landlord doesn't have time to talk much to me, but when he does, he really listens and understands me and encourages me. He seen me giving up things easily for my younger, and told me to stop it. I'd get him food, let him sleep in my car before, give him money. I felt guilty for something and I think I'm easily too soft hearted with my younger son.

He said too, go, find out what's going on there, present my son with the options they have there, and leave it to him now. He's right. I can't keep just helping as he's 23... he needs to get on his feet himself. I feel better. He gave me a hug. God, if there is one, blessed me with my landlord here. It teared me up how he cares. So I know he's my landlord, there's nothing more, he's got girlfriends but I can say I have someone on my side understanding things pretty well. If my younger gets on his feet my depression would likely go away mostly. Thanks for the place to vent here.

 

[TragicReality]

Neutral. I wish I could have a simple life. Why does everything have to be so complicated?

Hugs. Being young isn't easy either. Hope things work out with jobs and hopefully your own place soon if you can.

 

[AvidFan]

I wish I could just feel better.

 

[AvidFan]

I wish I could see a way forward. Actually I can see one, but it looks a distant shore, miles away, and I'd have to try to swim to it with my hands tied behind my back the way my health is right now. Frustrating. Like you are starving and you can see a feast in the distance, but to get to it you have to carefully cross a minefield while gradually weakening.