-
IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: Please read THIS THREAD about a rebrand for SF.
How Are You Feeling Right Now?
- Thread starter UNREGISTERED0000
- Start date
Sorry to hear how much you're struggling. You were brave to tell your family. Even though they don't say it, I bet they're very concerned. Please know how much we care here Avid. 
Not sure about my family. Nobody has asked me how I am since. I was thinking last night, if I do end things, I would be here for some considerable time before anyone even noticed. 😢
Not sleeping and suicidal ideation go together, they feed one another I believe.
Maybe it's time to speak with a doctor? Perhaps you already have, then just ignore this.
I realize that it might take a while to see a doctor, even a GP but professional help in a situation like yours is called for.
We do care about you here, and would miss you greatly, please take care of yourself
Maybe it's time to speak with a doctor? Perhaps you already have, then just ignore this.
I realize that it might take a while to see a doctor, even a GP but professional help in a situation like yours is called for.
We do care about you here, and would miss you greatly, please take care of yourself
I’m scared that I can’t keep going on like this. I usually take things by the day, sometimes the hour, but now it’s at most by the minute. I have this dreadful abundance of time ahead of me but barely a fucking thing to occupy it. Where did everything go so wrong?
I’m waiting until Monday to call my new PCP’s office so I can get a referral to a specialist within the network of my insurance. Even then, what the hell am I even doing? It’s so useless but I don’t see any other option, and I’m not doing inpatient.
I’m waiting until Monday to call my new PCP’s office so I can get a referral to a specialist within the network of my insurance. Even then, what the hell am I even doing? It’s so useless but I don’t see any other option, and I’m not doing inpatient.
If it weren't for my mom and dad having built a whole life of 30 years here, I would tell them to just pack and come with me. I dont get all the judging people do when some child doesnt move out of a parent's house. And I am not grown in an environment where moving out is even ideal. I just had no choice because I study abroad.
I had an on and off relationship with my parents, but being away from them for 2 years has made me so freaking home-sick. It hurts that I have to leave them again in 5 days to go back to my life. My stupid, dry, lonely life.
I had an on and off relationship with my parents, but being away from them for 2 years has made me so freaking home-sick. It hurts that I have to leave them again in 5 days to go back to my life. My stupid, dry, lonely life.
Thank you @Angie and @Lane for your kind words.
Problem with GP is, I've been before with sleep etc, and their advice is either take this pill, get some therapy, or avoid stress. But I will think about it. If they could prescribe a lottery win I daresay my anxiety and stress would disappear overnight and I'd sleep much better. And really, the only thing that's going to help is time (for my brain to heal from the benzo use). It's just very unfortunate that so many real issues have all hit me at precisely the moment in my life when I am least up to dealing with them. It's laughable timing, really. Couldn't make it up.
I am feeling a bit better now, I think I have been going through a hell of a wave. Been off diazepam for a week, so I'm bound to be feeling it, after the taper. The waves and windows are so unpredictable. I felt absolutely fine on Friday despite not sleeping, then yesterday the anxiety started building and reached crescendo in the middle of the night and earlier today. Now it's faded off again a bit.
I've done a bit of work and that seems to help, it distracts me and at least feels productive. Besides, I have no choice, I will be having to work 18/7 if not 24/7 for the next 15 years (assuming there is still any work in 15 years with AI taking over everything) just to keep my house and pay to keep it in once piece. That's what keeps stressing me because I know that's not sustainable, but what choice do I have!
Problem with GP is, I've been before with sleep etc, and their advice is either take this pill, get some therapy, or avoid stress. But I will think about it. If they could prescribe a lottery win I daresay my anxiety and stress would disappear overnight and I'd sleep much better. And really, the only thing that's going to help is time (for my brain to heal from the benzo use). It's just very unfortunate that so many real issues have all hit me at precisely the moment in my life when I am least up to dealing with them. It's laughable timing, really. Couldn't make it up.
I am feeling a bit better now, I think I have been going through a hell of a wave. Been off diazepam for a week, so I'm bound to be feeling it, after the taper. The waves and windows are so unpredictable. I felt absolutely fine on Friday despite not sleeping, then yesterday the anxiety started building and reached crescendo in the middle of the night and earlier today. Now it's faded off again a bit.
I've done a bit of work and that seems to help, it distracts me and at least feels productive. Besides, I have no choice, I will be having to work 18/7 if not 24/7 for the next 15 years (assuming there is still any work in 15 years with AI taking over everything) just to keep my house and pay to keep it in once piece. That's what keeps stressing me because I know that's not sustainable, but what choice do I have!
Feeling a bit better. I made some money working my remote job today, if I could 2-3 extra hours a day on the remote work, I could make quite a lot and maybe dig my way out of the hole I'm in. But for that I need sleep. How I've managed to do 2.5 hours today running on empty I don't know. But I do know the only thing that's going to really help me is money, maybe it will motivate my brain to go to sleep so it can actually survive, as that's what it's supposed to be programmed to do 🤨
i know that you are hurting right now and i can feel your pain @AvidFan . you have many challenges and pitalls in your life which makes life worse. i think you should probably make 2 lists, 1 list being all of the negative stuff in your life and the other list being positive.
i think that sometimes you don't give yourself the credit you deserve. you own your own home, you are smart enough to make a career working at home and you have a good sense economically. you are also an empathic person.
your life is better than some and worse than others, in other words you are normal. i'm not saying to go back on benzos because they do damage the mind and body but part of things could be related to not having that little bit of help. i hate benzos but i take lorazepam for only extreme anxiety attacks, so usually only 2 or 3 a month, more now but only until housing issue settled. if you want to quit benzos great but look for something else to help you calm down. for me tea actually helps a lot and i use that instead of benzos most of the time. there are a lot of healthy alternatives available tea being only one.
you are a good person and deserve happiness. i hope you can start to see the positives and work on all of the things that bring you pain.
mike....
i think that sometimes you don't give yourself the credit you deserve. you own your own home, you are smart enough to make a career working at home and you have a good sense economically. you are also an empathic person.
your life is better than some and worse than others, in other words you are normal. i'm not saying to go back on benzos because they do damage the mind and body but part of things could be related to not having that little bit of help. i hate benzos but i take lorazepam for only extreme anxiety attacks, so usually only 2 or 3 a month, more now but only until housing issue settled. if you want to quit benzos great but look for something else to help you calm down. for me tea actually helps a lot and i use that instead of benzos most of the time. there are a lot of healthy alternatives available tea being only one.
you are a good person and deserve happiness. i hope you can start to see the positives and work on all of the things that bring you pain.
mike....