How Are You Feeling Right Now?

[LumberJack]

Lane, I learned at DivorceCare that the kids tend to blame the mother.

Not me. I blamed both of them at first. My dad was, let’s just say he was not a nice person. I eventually reconciled with my mom. We don’t have a super close relationship, but I am above low contact now.

My dad, OTOH, is now dead and I am okay with that. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but there was some really bad blood between us, and I was so angry I couldn’t even write him a letter without going into a rage. He never apologized for abandoning his family, but that’s a different story.

 

[LumberJack]

I’m not as bad as I was this morning. I still want to die, but I’m not planning on accelerating the process through my choices. If I had a reasonably reliable method at hand this morning, I would give myself an 80% likelihood that I would have used it.

I need to start doing something besides just recovery and survival activities (self care, therapy, self help, etc). I realized this morning that all I do is worry about healing from my emotional scars, but I don’t date or do anything else where I might expand my social connections.

I am not super extroverted, but I do need some human contact. I especially need physical contact, like hugs or arm touch or anything that feels safe with that person. But I have to get to know someone for a while before I can allow them in my space bubble.

 

[Windhover]

that’s a different story.

If you want to tell it, please do. Maybe it'd be good to get it out. I'm not saying you should, just wanting to show support.

hugs

 

[AmberMarie]

I am not super extroverted, but I do need some human contact. I especially need physical contact, like hugs or arm touch or anything that feels safe with that person. But I have to get to know someone for a while before I can allow them in my space bubble.

There are some amazing meet-ups. my therapist has been trying to encourage for me to try n find some.
i fully understand about personal space bubble. i used to be the type of person who would walk through the middle of down town with a sign saying "Free Hugs!" However now... i am weary to trust anyone... been hurt way too much to allow that sort of thing anymore. i do hope to get "over it"... because i loved how carefree i was with that type of "safe" physical touch. i do wish you well in this endeavor. i do know that even with keeping your safety bubble, even having someone sit there nearby is a huge improvement over not having anyone. So maybe game groups or hiking groups or even museum groups. Different sized groups that get together and socialize. You might be able to find a few closer connections over time for that hug or even an arm touch to bring comfort and companionship.

 

[TragicReality]

I'm over tired, but being quiet.... hoping tomorrow this place I want to get will rent to me, and I can take things out of my car soon. I'm not depressed but not happy either. All the stuff this last month happening is making my pain worse. I wish I could read and help others here but I'm hanging on to my health and venting here. I do care for you all that are suffering as well.

 

[AvidFan]

Quite sick with stress. Got 3 strangers in my garden, the chief builder was trying to change the goalposts this morning, forgot all about what we discussed. He said it would be 2 people working, now he's brought 3. He was on about changing the earth in the flower bed to stones and saying it "wouldn't cost much" - this is what I dreaded. I budgeted for what he quoted and I can't afford any more, am not made of money and am paying 3 people's wages for a day. Not sure I'll be able to concentrate on work, and I need to work. Heart is doing loop loops 😢

 

[AvidFan]

Pretty exhausted. I managed to do a few hours of work, but my brain has gone. At least it looks like the builders are going to finish ahead of schedule - well ahead in fact. Might be finished today by looks of it. No idea why he was going on about it overrunning.

 

[Angie]

I woke up exhausted. All I want to do is crawl back in bed but I can't as I've a telemed with doctor this morning.

 

[Bergerac]

I woke up exhausted. All I want to do is crawl back in bed but I can't as I've a telemed with doctor this morning.

Same. Just worn-out, constantly.

 

[SillyOldBear]

badly broken. so many things wrong with this body, mind and life. want it all to end.

 

[AvidFan]

Well at least that's one thing over with.... And I get a lie-in tomorrow....

 

[mosaic hearts]

Worn-out.

 

[Inanimate]

Ashamed. I wish I could go back in time to when I was 19 years old and somehow convince myself that I’m worthy of happiness and self-respect regardless of what I am, what has happened to me, and whether or not I have anyone in my life to help me see that. I’ve lost a third of my lifespan to unchecked anguish and self-destruction, and I have the scars to forever remind me of that. I feel aged, worn, and disfigured, with hardly anything to show for it.

 

[Lane]

Lonely after work as always. Tired of eating dinner alone.

 

[AvidFan]

Tired but I just keep scrolling. I should go to bed.

 

[LumberJack]

Lonely after work as always. Tired of eating dinner alone.

Damn, you too?

 

[LumberJack]

Somewhat better. I sm calmer today. Saw therapist and that definitely helped. I’m getting some spicy pad Thai for dinner to reward myself for driving to the appointment.

 

[Bergerac]

Please, Dear God, no more

 

[Lane]

I'm over tired, but being quiet.... hoping tomorrow this place I want to get will rent to me, and I can take things out of my car soon. I'm not depressed but not happy either. All the stuff this last month happening is making my pain worse. I wish I could read and help others here but I'm hanging on to my health and venting here. I do care for you all that are suffering as well.

It's good to see you @toomuchreality. I'm hoping for a positive outcome for you and hope your pain gets better.

 

[Lane]

I woke up exhausted. All I want to do is crawl back in bed but I can't as I've a telemed with doctor this morning.

I hope your appointment went well Angie and that today is a better day.