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How Are You Feeling Right Now?
- Thread starter UNREGISTERED0000
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I feel content. I am not moving forward in life at all, but I've resigned from life in a way. I know it's not a positive thing, but I've turned into a case of 'failure to launch' – I go to the gym a few days a week, eat, sleep, and waste time on my phone. Over the past year my depression is much better, so I am better able to maintain basic essential habits like eating and bathing (how embarrassing). I am currently waiting for the outcome of a job I applied to, so over time, I think I will launch into the rest of life, but for now I'm taking it one baby step at a time and kind of enjoying the lack of responsibility in my life. Things could be much worse. I can comfortably say that I no longer ruminate on suicide constantly.
I am genuinely in shock about a job offer I just got. It's like I struck the jackpot and all my hard work has been recognised. I thought I was turning in garbage work and would be kicked any time soon, but it turns out I was doing better than I thought if this offer is anything to go by 😂 The job is totally beyond my capabilities, but it's flattering nonetheless 😂😂
I thought there was something wrong with me, that I shouldn’r feel hurt by his words. It’s tricky, emotionally it’s a slippery slope.
I have an odd sense of a requirement of erasing myself in order to be in this relationship. Whenever I’ve called him on this stuff he says, his response is that I am attacking him. I don’t want to attack anybody.
I have an odd sense of a requirement of erasing myself in order to be in this relationship. Whenever I’ve called him on this stuff he says, his response is that I am attacking him. I don’t want to attack anybody.
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I feel pretty good this morning.
I think the new antidepressant is working (at least a bit).
I've been looking at the Husqvarna Svartpilen 401 lately lol (motorcycle). But I dont have space for a motorcycle right now... Especially since I recently sold my bike because of having no space.
I also asked my psychiatrist to apply me for a group therapy. "Training emotional competence". I hope that works out and is helpful.
I think the new antidepressant is working (at least a bit).
I've been looking at the Husqvarna Svartpilen 401 lately lol (motorcycle). But I dont have space for a motorcycle right now... Especially since I recently sold my bike because of having no space.
I also asked my psychiatrist to apply me for a group therapy. "Training emotional competence". I hope that works out and is helpful.
That’s a really nice looking bike @richard 1998. [if you ride, please be careful. I gotta say it bc I know so many people who’ve been in wrecks.]
Glad you are doing alright. Group therapy is something I wish I could do as well.
Glad you are doing alright. Group therapy is something I wish I could do as well.
I think that, the people we choose to spend our lives with, or an awful lot of our time with... can have a tremendous impact on us/ourselves & our health. Even if it is just being with an overly negative person, that is going to rub off on us. If the chemistry is off; on say something such as this - a "sense," of humor. Then that is to not be underestimated. For when it is so repeatedly played out in front of us, it will tend to seap, and/or sink, in. And can then fester. Or begin to erode ourselves. That you feel the need to have to change yourself, or modify your own behavior, so as to appease him, or another--& then, too: to also have to feel the need to engage in a debate, in order to justify where you stand. On how offensive some of his remarks are to you. Only speaks volumes to this. I don't want to call it a displaced pairing, by any means. For that is not anywhere close of what I am meaning to say, or qualified to judge. Simply more dealing with the fact that, if you spend enough time around anybody, even where there is a conflict of personalities, or interests (from within the relationship; and this can go for work, as well - anything really, "friendship," etc.) / Then I think it's going to rub off on you, effect you, potentially have a very draining, dramatic & drastic effect on you, and your consciousness. Or your health. For instance, this is a little bit different, maybe. But growing up, when we were little/young (my sister & I). One time at a family gathering for the summer at the cabin, overnight, there was a heated discussion, arguement, or fight (verbal/ly) & it was in betw. my parents & their one set of siblings. Basically it was over or involved a lot of off-color, is it the word? Well, let's call it old-fashioned, jokes about race. And even back then, was quite nails on chalkboard, I'd bet (I was alseep, until awoken by all of the shouting & yelling) - they'd woken us up, middle of the night & driven us 7-8 hr.s home. But it was an ex. of a dif set of values, I think; or I believe. And it was really the last time we ever really spent any significant quality time with them, that was not required by say, a set of circumstances such as a particular ceremony or an event. The two differences in opinion, taste, judgement etc. Could not be more seperated & far (apart) from one another. They just didn't see the world the same way. And of course, what the other couple had argued, or used to justify their actions/behavior or jokes (there must have been somewhere in betw. a ten to a dozen of them, in a row, ,over a game of card, s & in all very rapid-fire, or almost roast like one after another fashion, in betw. hands, or whatever - that I do remember,and the sounds of my little sister crying... b/c even though she didn't understand what was happening, or going on, she was still quite scared or frightened). But they'd used, "Humor" as a disguise I feel to conceal their thinly veiled racism. Or in other words: how they truly felt, inside. Or deep down, from within. I believe that this is where my parents were so offended. That it was not just, 'a joke' to them~ // So not saying that's th esame thing necessarily that you've got going on here. Just that, some of what you'd said, or a part of it anyway, had resonated. It's almost like an act, of passive-aggresion (in a way). Like a disqualifier, that is put in place and being used to take the edge off, of whatever offensive thing was just stated or said. So I can say or tell you, waht I really mean. But if it goes too far -- or crosses the line. Then hey? Don't blame me. I'm just the messenger, here. Or it's in the spirit, or vein of "Comedy!" Don't you, too... have agood, or decent sense, of Humor? Like, what is wrong with you? I'm just joking here. Anyways, that is my take from many lanes adjacent perhaps, ,and of course, decades removed from. And also maybe not the perfect or best analogy or correct thing, but perhaps also too, some of it will resonate or hit home with you. All of this to say, that none of what you've done, or felt more or just as importantly, is wrong. By most any means. You're entiteld to feel, how you feel. You can't control that. It defines th ekind of person that you are. Just as anyone else's actions, attitudes, values & beliefs, do theirs. Peace! mrb~
In addition to Lumberjack's comments....are you a contract(ed) worker, different category than a direct hourly employee. But if you don't get enough info from your son's professor then you can call state government agencies, I don't know the name of yours in your state. And ask them lots of questions for no charge. And report your company if the responses show that they are not behaving. I believe you can do this anonymously here but don't know 100%. I hope the lawyer can give you helpful direction.
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I don’t know you, you don’t know me, yet this post manages to expose the corrosiveness (to use @LumberJack ’s excellent word) of what is going on. It’s not all the time, but is frequent and persistant: in fact the intermittent nature of the ‘humor’ makes it even more than disturbing. It has not been easy to get past these words of negativity, put-sowns, pejoratives and invalidation, bevause as you said, they build up and begin to influence one. As in your example the words aren’t directed at me but they’re fires sideways: about stuff I’m involved with or people we both have had some contact with, and contain shards of what amounts to hate. And yet, he can talk nice in between. I’m needing some healing time again, and my body is tired of fighting this. I can only hope that I am stronger now and take my <3 back to where it belongs. Thanks for listening and posting this MrB.
I don’t know you, you don’t know me, yet this post manages to expose the corrosiveness (to use @LumberJack ’s excellent word) of what is going on. It’s not all the time, but is frequent and persistant: in fact the intermittent nature of the ‘humor’ makes it even more than disturbing. It has not been easy to get past these words of negativity, put-sowns, pejoratives and invalidation, bevause as you said, they build up and begin to influence one. As in your example the words aren’t directed at me but they’re fires sideways: about stuff I’m involved with or people we both have had some contact with, and contain shards of what amounts to hate. And yet, he can talk nice in between. I’m needing some healing time again, and my body is tired of fighting this. I can only hope that I am stronger now and take my <3 back to where it belongs. Thanks for listening and posting this MrB.
