How Are You Feeling Right Now?

[Brân]

Excited! Just boarded a ship to Lisbon. See you in 7 nights

 

[Windhover]

Bon Voyage @Brân !!

 

[Windhover]

Weary and almost wishing to go back in time to change things. Of course that’s not possble, and I can still take action after this boundary has been crossed and travel is behind me. It is a sad journey. I need a new path.

 

[Lane]

Not really sure what to do with myself this Sunday. I get antsy and anxious when I have nothing do. I guess I'll just eat and read.

 

[LumberJack]

Crestfallen. I wanted to get a long list of chores done, but my energy level was not enough. I got up at 6:00, went back to bed until 8:00, took a shower and then back to bed again until 10:00 and I am still tired, probably will need yet another nap.

I know that I have a lot to be grateful for. I don’t want to be mired in self pity. It’s harder when I am tired, though. It’s almost like my mental radius contracts and I become focused inward, where the pain is.

 

[cymbele]

Not really sure what to do with myself this Sunday. I get antsy and anxious when I have nothing do. I guess I'll just eat and read.

Relax and enjoy the rest of your weekend. I know we’re social people but sometimes we need to enjoy being alone.

 

[Baywasp]

Reprieved. My guest lecture for class is being pushed back a bit so I'm less stressed.

 

[blackcattears]

I feel absolutely horrible. lonely, fucked up, and a coward for not ending it. i’m so tired of this charade man

 

[Windhover]

I feel absolutely horrible. lonely, fucked up, and a coward for not ending it. i’m so tired of this charade man

Welcome to SF blackcattears.
Sorry you’re feeling so low. I don’t see it as cowardly. I hope it’s okay to say that here on your first post.
I hope you stay around, find some support and community here. It is a safe and friendly place.

- s

 

[Harrow]

Woke up to screaming, just listening to make sure he doesn't do anything physical, that I have to step in for.
Think I'm having an anxiety attack. Wish life was over. I'm getting sicker

 

[mosaic hearts]

I'm feeling a lot of hopelessness about my healing journey these past few weeks. I'm thinking negative thoughts like I can't heal, I'm getting too old to heal, & I'm not smart enough to heal. It's all overwhelming & I have enough. I'm even having thoughts of quitting trauma treatment. I have an appointment with my registered clinical psychologist later today at 4:00 pm & I don't want to go. It's too late to cancel but I don't want to see her in-person either. I'll email her when she gets to her office mid-morning & ask her if I can have a telehealth appointment today instead. I feel blocked. I don't know how else to describe it. One issue (of many) is that I don't want to face (& deal with) my organized ab*se history anymore. It's too painful & scary. I don't want to know anymore. I don't want to do it anymore. Period. Maybe I'm a coward? Maybe I'm weak? I don't know. Also, when I was coming home from work on Saturday evening, I was struck by a sudden strong impulse to k*ll myself & seen a picture in my mind of me actually doing it. It was short-lived but still side-winded me. I can't help feeling ashamed of my continuing struggle with suicidality.

 

[blackcattears]

Welcome to SF blackcattears.
Sorry you’re feeling so low. I don’t see it as cowardly. I hope it’s okay to say that here on your first post.
I hope you stay around, find some support and community here. It is a safe and friendly place.

- s

thank you. i hope to find community here too, because it is completely lacking offline. the loneliness is almost too unbearable at this point.

 

[Lane]

I feel absolutely horrible. lonely, fucked up, and a coward for not ending it. i’m so tired of this charade man

Welcome to the forum @blackcattears. Sorry to hear that you're feeling so low. I hope that being here can bring you some comfort. I know it did for me when things were really bad. I don't think you're a coward for not ending it, but just the opposite, a strong person for carrying on.

 

[Lane]

Woke up to screaming, just listening to make sure he doesn't do anything physical, that I have to step in for.
Think I'm having an anxiety attack. Wish life was over. I'm getting sicker

Sounds very difficult Harrow. I hope your anxiety lessens soon.

 

[Lane]

I'm feeling a lot of hopelessness about my healing journey these past few weeks. I'm thinking negative thoughts like I can't heal, I'm getting too old to heal, & I'm not smart enough to heal. It's all overwhelming & I have enough. I'm even having thoughts of quitting trauma treatment. I have an appointment with my registered clinical psychologist later today at 4:00 pm & I don't want to go. It's too late to cancel but I don't want to see her in-person either. I'll email her when she gets to her office mid-morning & ask her if I can have a telehealth appointment today instead. I feel blocked. I don't know how else to describe it. One issue (of many) is that I don't want to face (& deal with) my organized ab*se history anymore. It's too painful & scary. I don't want to know anymore. I don't want to do it anymore. Period. Maybe I'm a coward? Maybe I'm weak? I don't know. Also, when I was coming home from work on Saturday evening, I was struck by a sudden strong impulse to k*ll myself & seen a picture in my mind of me actually doing it. It was short-lived but still side-winded me. I can't help feeling ashamed of my continuing struggle with suicidality.

I don't believe any of those negative things you say about yourself mosaic hearts. I hope the suicidal ideations disappear eventually too. Thank you for sharing what's going on.

 

[Livelife]

I'm feeling a lot of hopelessness about my healing journey these past few weeks. I'm thinking negative thoughts like I can't heal, I'm getting too old to heal, & I'm not smart enough to heal. It's all overwhelming & I have enough. I'm even having thoughts of quitting trauma treatment. I have an appointment with my registered clinical psychologist later today at 4:00 pm & I don't want to go. It's too late to cancel but I don't want to see her in-person either. I'll email her when she gets to her office mid-morning & ask her if I can have a telehealth appointment today instead. I feel blocked. I don't know how else to describe it. One issue (of many) is that I don't want to face (& deal with) my organized ab*se history anymore. It's too painful & scary. I don't want to know anymore. I don't want to do it anymore. Period. Maybe I'm a coward? Maybe I'm weak? I don't know. Also, when I was coming home from work on Saturday evening, I was struck by a sudden strong impulse to k*ll myself & seen a picture in my mind of me actually doing it. It was short-lived but still side-winded me. I can't help feeling ashamed of my continuing struggle with suicidality.

I'm sorry things are so intense and sound relentless for you at this time. Maybe that's something you and the therapist can chat about today during your time, taking a break from that particular direct focus and shifting gears with her for the moment. It doesn't have anything to do with cowardice or weakness. It's hard uncomfortable work what you are doing. So I'd call that braveness and courage

 

[Aurelia]

Going on day 4 without smoking. And I might even stop my Klonopin taper today. I was on a very low dose of 0.25. Let's see how I feel today if I don't take it anymore. If all goes well, that's 2 addictions down and one more to go. I'll still be tapering off Sublocade for 3 more months.

 

[cymbele]

Overslept this morning so missed "cardio drumming" at the senior center. Bummer. I was curious to see what it entailed. Of course if I don't get either job I can try for next week.

 

[SillyOldBear]

totally ready to leave this life

 

[Windhover]

@SillyOldBear