I met someone. This has happened before, of course, and hasn't worked out previously...but you never know. He seems sweet and kind. Maybe this time it will happen for me. I've been reading my books lately, about all these other characters' relationships, and couldn't help feeling jealous of them (fictional characters that don't even exist) because I'd forgotten what it feels like to fall in love with someone. But I have hope. Maybe I won't even be single this Christmas if it continues to go well.
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How Are You Feeling Right Now?
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Unfortunately, my moratorium on thinking about university admissions has failed to pan out 😭
I keep on thinking about courses and entry requirements and fees and graduate prospects and employment and salaries and I’m just so overwhelmed.
I’m scared that I won’t get in anywhere or that I won’t get a job and that my family will continue writing me off as a loser and that the people who were mean to me in school will look me up on Linkedin in 10 years and continue to make fun of me.
I keep on thinking about courses and entry requirements and fees and graduate prospects and employment and salaries and I’m just so overwhelmed.
I’m scared that I won’t get in anywhere or that I won’t get a job and that my family will continue writing me off as a loser and that the people who were mean to me in school will look me up on Linkedin in 10 years and continue to make fun of me.
I harbour this secret dream of being part of Emirates cabin crew. I’d love to fly around the world while working for the hospitality industry. I love the uniform and I’d love to live in Dubai, away from my family.
But unfortunately, I’d never be able to. The selection process is rigorous and I’d never make it through. And I’d never be able to transition and wear that uniform. I wouldn’t even be allowed in Dubai… at least outside of the prisons.
But gosh I can’t help but watch Emirates cabin crew vlogs & videos & read articles about them and wish I too could be a part of that.
But unfortunately, I’d never be able to. The selection process is rigorous and I’d never make it through. And I’d never be able to transition and wear that uniform. I wouldn’t even be allowed in Dubai… at least outside of the prisons.
But gosh I can’t help but watch Emirates cabin crew vlogs & videos & read articles about them and wish I too could be a part of that.
Seabird you are so well spoken and insightful. I admire the way you can express yourself. I hope you have a good day today. 
I hope you're doing well today, and good for you for taking those steps. Higher ground and all that.
hugs
I wish I weren’t so stupid and impulsive.
I’m super stressed out thinking about what to get my friends & family for Christmas. I was looking up possible gifts for my mom and I bought the first thing I saw that looked good. But now I think it looks ugly and there were nicer options from the same store and I’m scared that my mom won’t like it… she probably will say that she does but I’m scared that deep down inside she’ll find it ugly and cheap-looking and not practical to use. The store doesn’t have a refund or returns policy so I’m kinda stuck with it. And I feel guilty feeling that way about how the gift looks, because there definitely was a lot of effort & love put into it by the artist.
I’m just such an idiot in every respect of life. I so, so badly wish that I could just die so that I could stop suffering because of my own stupidity.
I’m super stressed out thinking about what to get my friends & family for Christmas. I was looking up possible gifts for my mom and I bought the first thing I saw that looked good. But now I think it looks ugly and there were nicer options from the same store and I’m scared that my mom won’t like it… she probably will say that she does but I’m scared that deep down inside she’ll find it ugly and cheap-looking and not practical to use. The store doesn’t have a refund or returns policy so I’m kinda stuck with it. And I feel guilty feeling that way about how the gift looks, because there definitely was a lot of effort & love put into it by the artist.
I’m just such an idiot in every respect of life. I so, so badly wish that I could just die so that I could stop suffering because of my own stupidity.
Feeling experimental. I bought some new speakers which turn out to be way less powerful than my old speakers, but at least they work reliably and I don't get bursts of static and hiss when I touch the wires or move the phone when adjusting volume. I need to get precisely the right level that drowns out the neighbour's randomly tweeting bird but doesn't drown out whatever I'm listening to through my headphones - the old speakers were certainly capable of that, they could shake the walls with white noise. I can play with both sets of speakers, maybe I could even setup one pair in the kitchen as well, so I will then have white noise blasting out all night while I sleep to drown out traffic (that's worked for years!) and will have a sound barrier in the kitchen and living room. I am determined to be tweet free somehow!