In short ( aka TL;DR version) - please be gentle with yourself.
Why:
My prior therapist did a ton of work with me over shame, because I had internalized the blame that my caretakers would put on me for all the problems in the house. Per her, there is toxic shame and healthy shame. Healthy shame inhibits anti-social behaviors, for example theft, taking credit for someone else's work, or calling someone a poopy-head in public. I think healthy shame is sorely, sorely lacking in both the political and business arenas, but that's just me.
Toxic shame, by contrast, causes us to doubt and punish ourselves. It is more a tendency to identify with regrettable behavior and to internalize negative messages we received during times when we were vulnerable. This differs from the traditional distinction of shame vs guilt. IMHO guilt is a matter of fact. Either I did something or I didn't. Shame is the value judgment around whether what we did is morally wrong, which can either lead to us taking a different approach next time, or in the toxic case, lead us to hate and punish ourselves.
I am arguing that the most appropriate way to cope with shame is to make what reparations you can without causing further harm to yourself or others. This may or may not be possible, but either way we can acknowledge that we made a mistake ("I f*cked up") without deciding that we are a mistake ("I am a f*ckup"). With this awareness we can resolve to handle similar situations better going forward. I know society uses an enormous amount of toxic shame to push unhealthy behaviors into the shadows, but I think that this punishment mentality is toxic in more ways than one.