OK. I've got 3 hours until family Easter meal. I could do a bit of work but might skip and just potter around and do the housework as usual on a Sunday, though my usual Sunday run has been disrupted - I'll either go out for a quick one this evening or wait and do a 10 mile+ tomorrow or Tuesday. Need to keep up with the work, I'm planning to scale back my commuting/office based work for the summer and do more of my remote job, still in a transition period, I get paid less for the remote work, but at the same time there is no commute or diary and email chaos 🤷
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How Are You Feeling Right Now?
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You know its Monday when you returned home, okay so its everytime you wanna take a shower, you're always grumpy. I was feeling so lazy when I remember the weather too hot, I have been putting on sunscreen everyday and by noon and afternoon when I'm out of the office to take a break, it rained and returned in office with wet and sweat and wet and sweat in aircon. And when you fight with your colleague, just know my colleague shared me her cup of coffee and a donut. When work gets rough, just know its not like I'm gonna panic and quit end of the day because we need the money anyways. 🗣️
Been giving random updated everyday, all thanks to colleagues. Also.. I'm wearing orange tomorrow, I've been lazy to fold clothes.
Been giving random updated everyday, all thanks to colleagues. Also.. I'm wearing orange tomorrow, I've been lazy to fold clothes.
Me too, and I feel like it's all my fault, even though the factual evidence is that it wasn't.
This has happened before with other traumas. I blame myself for the problem because that is the only moving piece I can control. I've discussed this in therapy before with respect to earlier stuff. The explanation I got then was that the nervous system sometimes uses shame to calm when the sympathetic system (excitement, fight/flight/freeze) is too high for too long. It's sort of a "Break glass in case of emergency" measure.
I was betrayed when I had entered into the agreement in good faith, and fulfilled my obligation. In return I expected care, but I got antagonized instead. The trauma from that experience is still reverberating in my head today.
This has happened before with other traumas. I blame myself for the problem because that is the only moving piece I can control. I've discussed this in therapy before with respect to earlier stuff. The explanation I got then was that the nervous system sometimes uses shame to calm when the sympathetic system (excitement, fight/flight/freeze) is too high for too long. It's sort of a "Break glass in case of emergency" measure.
I wish I could provide some sage advice, but the truth is that I have not handled these situations in my own life very well. My go-to strategy is distraction, e.g., read a book, post obsessively on SF, circulate my grievances on Reddit. You know, productive stuff. I hear exercise helps. 
I'm mixed. I started to feel better when I stopped wallowing in pessimism and took some concrete actions in my job search. When I started to feel better, then the self-critical part of me starts objecting with, "Who TF do you think you are to feel better??? You suck, and you should feel sucky!" Funny sense of nostalgia there, because that is how some adults talked to me when I was a child. So, I am trying to work against this, but I just feel entirely deflated when if I do nothing, I feel like shit, and if I get busy, I still feel like shit, but for different reasons.
I had a version of this happen to me the other day.
Driving home I was feeling pretty mid about some work stuff (had some arguments for and against some stuff going through my head. All of a sudden the thought popped into my head that I was a failure cause I was even debating over it...things should have been more better or more perfect more something relating to not feeling at ease. My mind was trying to twist things into somehow me being a piece of shit
It was a weird sort of active moment of self awareness that I was seeking out pain to avoid newer discomfort. And that I was chastising myself cause I really felt out of control.
Suffice it to say I know how you feel.
Driving home I was feeling pretty mid about some work stuff (had some arguments for and against some stuff going through my head. All of a sudden the thought popped into my head that I was a failure cause I was even debating over it...things should have been more better or more perfect more something relating to not feeling at ease. My mind was trying to twist things into somehow me being a piece of shit
It was a weird sort of active moment of self awareness that I was seeking out pain to avoid newer discomfort. And that I was chastising myself cause I really felt out of control.
Suffice it to say I know how you feel.
A little frazzled... i was driving home from helping my eldest by watching my grandson at her last pregnancy appointment (before giving birth in a couple days), and i had a big rock slam into my windshield. i was driving along with traffic at about 80 mph... so the bullseye is about 4-5" diameter on the driver's side... near the edge. The outside has glass chips in it but the inside is still smooth... so that's good. i'm grateful for the lifetime warrantee as it has only been about 6 months since we replaced the windshield. my cat is all over me trying to get as close to me as possible. His purrs are a nice calming feeling that penetrates most thoughts 
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I'm doing OK. Energy crashed physically on Monday and mentally last night, but feel OK so far today. Bit of a funny muddled week with the bank holiday and some bitty office appointments that mean I have to commute a couple of days for not very much. Got Friday back to WFH so it's a fairly easy week as long as I don't pull 12 hour days on my remote job (did 5 hours yesterday which is about right!).