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How Are You Feeling Right Now?
- Thread starter UNREGISTERED0000
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Thinking of you @AmberMarie during this trying time. Im glad that you're here even though things are rough for you right now. 
It would be inaccurate to say suicidal that isn't quite it but very much full of remorse and regret and feeling down.
Maybe this is jealousy but seeing people do stuff that I could have done if trained and not crazy makes me feel like shit. I could have done so much more with my life if I wasn't someone who was a punching bag for a narcissist that saw me as her stuffed toy and came from a long line of drunks who were crazytown.
Maybe this is jealousy but seeing people do stuff that I could have done if trained and not crazy makes me feel like shit. I could have done so much more with my life if I wasn't someone who was a punching bag for a narcissist that saw me as her stuffed toy and came from a long line of drunks who were crazytown.
I'm non stop with this new house. Lot's of things to sort out, have the roofer coming out next week (imagine that idea might send fear to @AvidFan 
), I'm trying really hard not to freak out myself!
The previous owners have agree to pay for the damage that the water leak caused from the leaking water tank, which is good. Though they did question when the damage was done, think they might have been trying to imply it was done between Thursday (getting the keys) and Saturday (moving in). I've done a diy fix to get the water back on.
I have not much of a kitchen, most of the units are older than me, so I had to throw out all the drawers. I'm glad the weather is okay at the moment as there is no heating and I've just one plug in old filled radiator, which is in my bedroom. Most of the windows need replacing as there all misted up and I've got a job to see out of some of the window at the view.
Also working on the jungle of a garden but I've been so busy, I've not felt suicidal for a few days, which is a first in 3 months. Still feeling really sad and miss someone.
), I'm trying really hard not to freak out myself!The previous owners have agree to pay for the damage that the water leak caused from the leaking water tank, which is good. Though they did question when the damage was done, think they might have been trying to imply it was done between Thursday (getting the keys) and Saturday (moving in). I've done a diy fix to get the water back on.
I have not much of a kitchen, most of the units are older than me, so I had to throw out all the drawers. I'm glad the weather is okay at the moment as there is no heating and I've just one plug in old filled radiator, which is in my bedroom. Most of the windows need replacing as there all misted up and I've got a job to see out of some of the window at the view.
Also working on the jungle of a garden but I've been so busy, I've not felt suicidal for a few days, which is a first in 3 months. Still feeling really sad and miss someone.
I'm non stop with this new house. Lot's of things to sort out, have the roofer coming out next week (imagine that idea might send fear to @AvidFan ), I'm trying really hard not to freak out myself!
The previous owners have agree to pay for the damage that the water leak caused from the leaking water tank, which is good. Though they did question when the damage was done, think they might have been trying to imply it was done between Thursday (getting the keys) and Saturday (moving in). I've done a diy fix to get the water back on.
I have not much of a kitchen, most of the units are older than me, so I had to throw out all the drawers. I'm glad the weather is okay at the moment as there is no heating and I've just one plug in old filled radiator, which is in my bedroom. Most of the windows need replacing as there all misted up and I've got a job to see out of some of the window at the view.
Also working on the jungle of a garden but I've been so busy, I've not felt suicidal for a few days, which is a first in 3 months. Still feeling really sad and miss someone.
), I'm trying really hard not to freak out myself!The previous owners have agree to pay for the damage that the water leak caused from the leaking water tank, which is good. Though they did question when the damage was done, think they might have been trying to imply it was done between Thursday (getting the keys) and Saturday (moving in). I've done a diy fix to get the water back on.
I have not much of a kitchen, most of the units are older than me, so I had to throw out all the drawers. I'm glad the weather is okay at the moment as there is no heating and I've just one plug in old filled radiator, which is in my bedroom. Most of the windows need replacing as there all misted up and I've got a job to see out of some of the window at the view.
Also working on the jungle of a garden but I've been so busy, I've not felt suicidal for a few days, which is a first in 3 months. Still feeling really sad and miss someone.
I am OK just a bit tired from overwork but following my no work after 10pm rule today. My hip /back was worse today than yesterday after sleeping but it's eased off as the day went on. I managed to walk 1.5 miles with only a few slight twinges and even jogged a few steps here and there without any sharp pains. The issues are annoyingly intermittent but should mean they're not severe.
That reminds me, I had a conversation with my senior Buddhist teacher about feeling suicidal, and not just in a passing mood, but all day every day.
She said that I would still be in pain, and even more pain because the dream of subjective experience would still be there, but even more disoriented to still exist but now I don’t have a body to keep me localized in space and time.
More importantly I would spread additional pain to everyone who cares about me. Goddam I want to get back at those a-holes who have taken advantage of me, not create a bunch of survivor guilt for my loved ones.
The first reason I am not so sure about. I really think that my existence ends when my brain stops telling my lungs to breathe. Nonetheless, she has been right about everything I have disagreed with her on before. I’m not ruling it out.
The second reason is more than sufficient, though. At least it has been, so far.
She said that I would still be in pain, and even more pain because the dream of subjective experience would still be there, but even more disoriented to still exist but now I don’t have a body to keep me localized in space and time.
More importantly I would spread additional pain to everyone who cares about me. Goddam I want to get back at those a-holes who have taken advantage of me, not create a bunch of survivor guilt for my loved ones.
The first reason I am not so sure about. I really think that my existence ends when my brain stops telling my lungs to breathe. Nonetheless, she has been right about everything I have disagreed with her on before. I’m not ruling it out.
The second reason is more than sufficient, though. At least it has been, so far.
@Inanimate 
What about picking up a new hobby, something simple but that interests you a bit. I probably should know better than to say that, because I know when I'm in that place there isn't anything or anyone that helps.
I hope you can feel better, and that you know there's others here on SF who get it, and care.
What about picking up a new hobby, something simple but that interests you a bit. I probably should know better than to say that, because I know when I'm in that place there isn't anything or anyone that helps.
I hope you can feel better, and that you know there's others here on SF who get it, and care.