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How Are You Feeling Right Now?
- Thread starter UNREGISTERED0000
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Haven't slept much in months either. Last night was lying awake for 4 hours, maybe half sleep for 2 hours, then waking up and lying there another 2 hours. And I really need all the problem solving parts of a brain that is under fire, underslept, not socially supported except here, and a dysregulated nervous system from various biochemical storms. Currently I'm watching planes land and take off on a stream, it's fairly soothing. Am going to try to completely disengage from thinking for a couple of days. Just do nothing. Easier said than done with a diary to run and a house threatening all sorts.... I felt a sore gum this morning and my mind went straight to complicated stay in hospital due to complicated mystery wisdom tooth issue and botched operation to remove, 6 months off work and financial ruin. It's probably just a sore gum... From lack of sleep and stress. I keep taking the vitams, eating, doing as much exercise as I can, trying to relax when possible.
I hope you can find a way through your problems. But yeah, I get it. I know things will get better but I know they are also likely to just tip the other way again sooner or later. I'm sorry you are going through all this.
I hope you can find a way through your problems. But yeah, I get it. I know things will get better but I know they are also likely to just tip the other way again sooner or later. I'm sorry you are going through all this.
Angry. Just found out Walmart is closing the store where I get my meds. Its a smaller Walmart. First one that opened in my city. I will have to transfer everything to the local Super Walmart; a hassle, and notify my doctors. Its still pretty close to me, but the Super Walmarts are a mess. Not enough parking and very few checkers. The one I use closes at end of October.
Restful. My head is still mangled, my eyes are tired, but I just managed to watch 2 episodes of Star Trek Strange New Worlds and enjoyed it without my head obsessing over problems. First time I've watched anything hour long with a story for ages, and managed 2 episodes. Am cooking my pasta and veggies and will watch more. Pity there's only 8 episodes left, but can always find other sci fi or trek to watch. At least I had 2 hours not obsessed with how bad I feel and my watch was showing rest for the whole 2 hours.
Frustrated and irrelevant. Life sucks and it's only going to get worse. It's been at least 2 years since any business transaction over $300 where I was the customer actually saw me getting what I paid for. It seems like if a given process gap affects anywhere around 5% of customers, it's almost certain to snag me. Same with medication side effects. I just seem to be a magnet for things that go badly. And the one thing that went really badly - I can't seem to get past it. Whenever I feel down I start ruminating on it, and I use my CBT tools for disputing irrational thoughts. The result is I end up even more tired because those exercises take a lot of work. So I get relief for a few moments and the resentment is back.
I'm just tired of it. I'm past my expiration date as far as capitalism is concerned. As I age, life will get more expensive, more uncomfortable, and my income will not likely grow since the rich are transferring wealth upward at an ever increasing rate. People more qualified to comment than I am have been calling attention to this for years, e.g., https://www.commondreams.org/opinion/schumer-fetterman-help-billionaires
I hope that I can die pretty fast before I end up with a chronic illness with a fatal prognosis. Knowing my luck, though, it's probably a matter of time before I get ALS or Parkinson's. I don't think even death will work out for me. I just hope it will at least come before I have to suffer too much longer.
I'm just tired of it. I'm past my expiration date as far as capitalism is concerned. As I age, life will get more expensive, more uncomfortable, and my income will not likely grow since the rich are transferring wealth upward at an ever increasing rate. People more qualified to comment than I am have been calling attention to this for years, e.g., https://www.commondreams.org/opinion/schumer-fetterman-help-billionaires
I hope that I can die pretty fast before I end up with a chronic illness with a fatal prognosis. Knowing my luck, though, it's probably a matter of time before I get ALS or Parkinson's. I don't think even death will work out for me. I just hope it will at least come before I have to suffer too much longer.
Sorry you are going through this @LumberJack
I also feel pretty disillusioned with late stage capitalism. Everyone is putting everything up pricewise, but my pay rate has been the same for the last 2 years... I hope you can find a way to survive for now, and a way to feel better, but I feel you, I really do.
I also feel pretty disillusioned with late stage capitalism. Everyone is putting everything up pricewise, but my pay rate has been the same for the last 2 years... I hope you can find a way to survive for now, and a way to feel better, but I feel you, I really do.
@AvidFan - I was just coming here to update that I am feeling better. I sort of had a pep talk with myself. The gist is that I don't want to feel this way, but I do. What can I do about it? I ain't going to blow smoke up my own skirt to think everything is rosy, nor do I seriously imagine that I can sit around with a strong enough intention to "attract" or "manifest" a better attitude.
I can, however, mitigate it. I have tools and skills that work. Maybe not getting me to a happy/content place, or even an okay place, but I think I have the potential to feel less shitty. So that's the target for now. I have been watching for painful thinking (it's really those internal monologues that bring me down because I am oh so talented at formulating my self pity in a way that makes everyone but me responsible), and when I notice, I label it with a high level description, e.g., "analyis" or "resentment" or "rehearsing."
I do feel better now, but I think this is due to my 4.5 hour cleaning binge. My apt looks like I don't even live here anymore, compared to the pigsty it has been for the past few weeks. Clean floors, clean linens, clean body, and clean pajamas. I'm cozy af right now and I'm enjoying it.
I can, however, mitigate it. I have tools and skills that work. Maybe not getting me to a happy/content place, or even an okay place, but I think I have the potential to feel less shitty. So that's the target for now. I have been watching for painful thinking (it's really those internal monologues that bring me down because I am oh so talented at formulating my self pity in a way that makes everyone but me responsible), and when I notice, I label it with a high level description, e.g., "analyis" or "resentment" or "rehearsing."
I do feel better now, but I think this is due to my 4.5 hour cleaning binge. My apt looks like I don't even live here anymore, compared to the pigsty it has been for the past few weeks. Clean floors, clean linens, clean body, and clean pajamas. I'm cozy af right now and I'm enjoying it.
Glad you are feeling better @LumberJack thanks for updating! ❤️
Mildly stressed. I was doing some low stakes admin deleting spam emails from a box that alerted me it was 99% full, when I ran into an admin landmine that had been sent 3 or 4 weeks again. Tips my hand on a few things I was hoping to sort in the next month or so - I'll try to get it into my favour but I was supposed to be having 2 days of rest.... I will try to get back to that.
I got just about 7 hours of sleep last night! 
Not ideal for me, because I feel best with 8-9 hours, but I will take 7 hours over 5.5 hours any night. I'm irritable and impatient, which may be just a character trait, I'm afraid. I'm anxious, but I don't think it's disordered anxiety. Things are genuinely going in a bad direction and I need to strategize about how I can protect myself to the extent that this is possible. I still keep thinking about ending it. If old age, sickness, and death are mandatory, well I can skip two of those by exiting immediately.
That said, I don't really have that as an option ATM - my current mix of medications puts a wall up in front of serious planning. I still have the habit of intrusive thoughts and fantasizing, but I also have a survival instinct that was unknown before I started one of my meds.
Not ideal for me, because I feel best with 8-9 hours, but I will take 7 hours over 5.5 hours any night. I'm irritable and impatient, which may be just a character trait, I'm afraid. I'm anxious, but I don't think it's disordered anxiety. Things are genuinely going in a bad direction and I need to strategize about how I can protect myself to the extent that this is possible. I still keep thinking about ending it. If old age, sickness, and death are mandatory, well I can skip two of those by exiting immediately. That said, I don't really have that as an option ATM - my current mix of medications puts a wall up in front of serious planning. I still have the habit of intrusive thoughts and fantasizing, but I also have a survival instinct that was unknown before I started one of my meds.