IDK, I'm feeling pretty useless and reckless for putting so little effort into job hunting to date. I kept thinking that something would come along if it was meant to be.
Subconsciously, I planned to deplete my savings and then kms. Self-sabotage turned into self-destruction. I'm also having to do a lot of applied work on the tools I've learned in therapy just to keep my mental health from progressing from severe to.. whatever is worse than severe, "extreme" maybe? As in being so depressed that one is suicidal and past the point of being able to think clearly, or even so depressed that one is NOT suicidal, because they are so hopeless that they don't think even that would succeed.
I've been doing just enough to keep myself from getting worse, but where I am is too low to do anything future oriented because I would prefer to have no future at all.