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How Are You Feeling Right Now?

LumberJack

Huggy Bear 🐻 u r warned!
SF Supporter
IDK, I'm feeling pretty useless and reckless for putting so little effort into job hunting to date. I kept thinking that something would come along if it was meant to be.

Subconsciously, I planned to deplete my savings and then kms. Self-sabotage turned into self-destruction. I'm also having to do a lot of applied work on the tools I've learned in therapy just to keep my mental health from progressing from severe to.. whatever is worse than severe, "extreme" maybe? As in being so depressed that one is suicidal and past the point of being able to think clearly, or even so depressed that one is NOT suicidal, because they are so hopeless that they don't think even that would succeed.

I've been doing just enough to keep myself from getting worse, but where I am is too low to do anything future oriented because I would prefer to have no future at all.
 

Windhover

meandering home
SF Supporter
Oh no! I'm glad you are okay, but even without a physical injury, it can be quite disturbing. I'm glad you got a ride home. IMHO, that cop was doing a good job that time.
Airbags were the saving feature especially since the impact was on my side near where I'd been sitting, so, yeah disturbing. The Police Officers were great, actually.
 

Windhover

meandering home
SF Supporter
Oh no that's awful. Glad you are physically alright but your nervous system will be shaken to bit.

Hugs if they help, glad you are unharmed physcially 😬
It crossed my mind as it was happening that I might be on my way out of here. After that I was just glad nobody was hurt.

Thanks for the hugs, they always help. (h) back if you wnat.
 

LumberJack

Huggy Bear 🐻 u r warned!
SF Supporter
I feel like utter shit. I'm angry and there is nothing significant I can do about it. I am thinking about using this energy to try and make it more well publicized what is happening at this facility and at inpatient behavioral "treatment" facilities in general. However, I have to find a goddam job and that is priority number 1 through 99 until that's happened. The financial stress is unrelenting and I really feel lost. I don't even know how to get my rent paid and so how in the f*** am I supposed to manage my out of control emotions? Honestly just wish I giant boulder would fall on my head so I won't have to deal with this anymore. At least I'd be in the mountains if that happened. Dying on a hiking trail would be great with me, because at least I'd go out doing something I love.
 

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