How Are You Feeling Right Now?

[LumberJack]

But still need to get my taxes done. That will be next Saturday. At least I am expecting a refund to pay for shit. Meanwhile I will keep praying for God to call me home.

I think I get the impulse to get your taxes done despite feeling/hoping that the physical body is over and done with soon. For me - it's this legal issue. The stress of that on top of my ongoing financial stress is getting harder to bear every single day. And yet, I feel pretty committed for now to handle the problem before I start gathering supplies or forming a plan, despite being sorely tempted.

I did some bad things. I can't sugar-coat it, and when the gravity of my error finally hit me last Friday (the 13th - ofc ) , I've barely been able to sleep at night and have started to question my moral integrity as a whole. Nonetheless, I will handle this. I will face the judge and cheerfully do whatever is required of me, because at least I got stopped before I hurt someone in my unconscious misdeeds. Once I have paid my penalty, however, is a bridge I must wait to cross.

 

[SillyOldBear]

I think I get the impulse to get your taxes done despite feeling/hoping that the physical body is over and done with soon. For me - it's this legal issue. The stress of that on top of my ongoing financial stress is getting harder to bear every single day. And yet, I feel pretty committed for now to handle the problem before I start gathering supplies or forming a plan, despite being sorely tempted.

I did some bad things. I can't sugar-coat it, and when the gravity of my error finally hit me last Friday (the 13th - ofc ) , I've barely been able to sleep at night and have started to question my moral integrity as a whole. Nonetheless, I will handle this. I will face the judge and cheerfully do whatever is required of me, because at least I got stopped before I hurt someone in my unconscious misdeeds. Once I have paid my penalty, however, is a bridge I must wait to cross.

I guess I am just looking at this more simply than you are. I don't want my brother to have to file my taxes. There would be enough for him to deal with without that.

Wishing you the best in court. Hopefully you will have an understanding judge.

 

[Congratsbaby]

I do not use fentanyl and I'm not aware of any application of that drug to ADHD management. It's a pain medication (an opioid but entirely synthetic as opposed to drugs like hydrocodone and oxycodone that are partially derived from opium poppy extracts). I have heard of some drugs used off-label to treat childhood ADHD, but not opiates.

I do take a stimulant, namely adderall, to manage my ADHD. It's the only one I can take because strattera had intolerable side effects despite being the only non-stimulant approved for adult ADHD. The other is methylphenidate which is also a stimulant, however I find the methylphenidate to be quite effective at causing euphoria. I don't trust myself not to end up abusing that. Adderall by contrast is about as rewarding/abusable to me as fluoxetine is. That said, some people can get high on adderall, leading to the general social stigma. It's always the people who misuse a drug getting attention; people who safely use a given controlled med far outnumber them, but they never end up on the news so people who don't have a sense of context just assume anyone is like the ones who fake a condition to get a script to either sell on the street or get high on themselves.


Agreed. I have recently been pointed to a psychologist who is skeptical that ADHD is truly a disorder, but merely a different learning style. ADHD diagnosed kids (and I guess adults who get a later diagnosis) are actually those who learn best by taking information in through tactile sensation as opposed to visual or auditory input. Unfortunately, childhood schooling only provides visual and auditory information (aside from art classes if they are still offered), leading to the tactile leaning kids becoming bored or just falling asleep - then they get diagnosed with a disorder. I suspect because pharmaceutical intervention is so much easier than helping a kid learn according to their individual strengths (but I'm not bitter, lol!). That describes me to a T - I choose my clothing based on texture, and although I got pretty good grades, almost every teacher put a note on my report cards about sleeping in class. I also have a much easier time picking up skills that primarily involve using my hands and sometimes I even close my eyes and just use tactile sense to keep the visual part from interfering.

I learn something new 😅
I see about the fentanyl. Ohh , do you agree with the psychologist 's pov ?

 

[Congratsbaby]

thank you :')
i hope things go well for you too.

You're welcome and thanks

 

[TragicReality]

Somewhat more accomplished with the mess, and also quite sore. I'm trying to be happy with solitude, yet I still wish sometimes I had a close friend, male or female doesn't matter. Just someone to share some time and hopefully some laughs. I'm tired yet I don't think I can sleep. I wish it was May already. It's been a brutal winter.

 

[Congratsbaby]

Somewhat more accomplished with the mess, and also quite sore. I'm trying to be happy with solitude, yet I still wish sometimes I had a close friend, male or female doesn't matter. Just someone to share some time and hopefully some laughs. I'm tired yet I don't think I can sleep. I wish it was May already. It's been a brutal winter.

I am sorry. I wish you betterment.

 

[Lane]

Lot of turmoil. Exhausted. Trying to find rest. Deal with all the bullshit tomorrow.

I hope you can get much needed rest and your day goes well.

 

[ClassicsFan]

Sore.

 

[JanisSPK]

Scared and anxious. Related to medical issues, undesired changes with meds because the ones I had were working well......, not much option for choices and anger at being kicked out of a medication program. So now that I'm not suicidal or wanting to die I might just anyway because of the side effects of new meds and the controlling systems in place to (not) obtain what I need. What a mess.

 

[SillyOldBear]

Scared and anxious. Related to medical issues, undesired changes with meds because the ones I had were working well......, not much option for choices and anger at being kicked out of a medication program. So now that I'm not suicidal or wanting to die I might just anyway because of the side effects of new meds and the controlling systems in place to (not) obtain what I need. What a mess.

Sorry to hear this Janis. Our medical system is so broken. You have to have money, big money to get the care you need. Otherwise you can suffer and die. And there just are not enough doctors or nurses. But then, who would want to work in medicine these days.

 

[JanisSPK]

Sorry to hear this Janis. Our medical system is so broken. You have to have money, big money to get the care you need. Otherwise you can suffer and die. And there just are not enough doctors or nurses. But then, who would want to work in medicine these days.

Thanks Barb. The medication is brand only, no generics available and costs about $40,000 a year. The other med that I'm on for the seizures is about the same price as well but they approved me for 2026. But I need both for the control that was in place without harming my liver.. I appreciate your thoughts and agree of course.

 

[HappyKitty]

ya’ll i almost forget this site exist 😹
so glad i remember my password tho
just have nothing much to say, lifes the same😺

 

[Windhover]

a brave, loyal, noble and lovely old cat I know is nearing the end of her earth life, and I'm sad

 

[crowgarden]

a brave, loyal, noble and lovely old cat I know is nearing the end of her earth life, and I'm sad

 

[crowgarden]

I've just been starving for love. for appreciation. for anything. I just wanna hear a single goddamn "I'm proud of you", get a single hug, get any kind of recognition for how fucking hard I've been trying for all this time. it's like everyone refuses to see all the work I put into this life.

I'd give anything to get a sledgehammer rammed into my face right now.

 

[1964dodge]

I just wish your healing did not take so dang long.

 

[1964dodge]

It makes me sad to hear you're not feeling so good. If I lived close-by I would bring you a container of my grandma's recipe for healing soup!

best to you mike

 

[1964dodge]

I know I don't reply to you posts very often, but you and Dodge1964 are among the people I most admire on this site. You are both going through hell and have been for years. But you still keep fighting. Don't give up now. You are worth the fight and the help.

 

[1964dodge]

I'm sending a good thought Mike. Get well soon.

thank you

mike....

 

[Congratsbaby]

I've just been starving for love. for appreciation. for anything. I just wanna hear a single goddamn "I'm proud of you", get a single hug, get any kind of recognition for how fucking hard I've been trying for all this time. it's like everyone refuses to see all the work I put into this life.

I'd give anything to get a sledgehammer rammed into my face right now.

I know we are strangers and this may or may not be what you need but I am proud of you.