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How Are You Feeling Right Now?
- Thread starter UNREGISTERED0000
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I hope things get better and soon for you. I learned recently that I am anemic. I spent most of Thursday in the ER with all the things I have been having: rashes, eczema, add edema and anemia now to the mix. When it rains it pours. They did the IV for drug drips and to do lab work, ultrasound and everything else they could think of, so I already got the paperwork for an upcoming doctor appointment with my regular doc. No sign of heart attack, stroke, or blood clots or the like but age is catching up with me now. Ain't life a cherry blossom?
That is too true. I am now on four new drugs to combat the symptoms while hunting for a possible cause since everything started in November, before that I was just plain lazy. Everything happening all at the same time may be coincidence or possibly something else that just triggered a bunch. I foresee more and more medical visits in the future. Actually I am glad they found more issues to try and tackle planning going forward. I hated how cold the place was.
Yeah, it does seem that every time they run a test they find something that is wrong. I am dealing with that now. And with a delivery service that can't delivery a mattress on time. If I have to remake my old one because they don't come I will be very pissed and demand a refund on delivery charges. Am getting a new mattress because of my back. I don't need to have to make one up tonight and again tomorrow. GRRRRR. Thank you for listening to me gripe. But at least we are properly supporting our medical system. 
Sorry to hear you are going through this @KM76710 . Did you get an iron infusion? It sounds like you have a lot going on all of a sudden. I hope you are not in a position where you cannot pay your medical bills. You really need universal health care over there. I am going off on a tangent.
I hope you recover soon.
I hope you recover soon.
I know that feeling. I feel like I’m back where I “belong” since moving back to the front range. It’s of course not the same place I left, but the ground’s energy, or feeling, is that which I resonate with. It’s not that this land is mine, but rather that I belong to these mountains and need to be near them.
This said, I am perceiving a huge increase in pain coming through from your posts lately. I wish I could send you what you need to give yourself some gentleness, just until you get through this.
I’m one to talk, though! 🙄
I can be gentle with everyone but myself, and that’s not fair.
This said, I am perceiving a huge increase in pain coming through from your posts lately. I wish I could send you what you need to give yourself some gentleness, just until you get through this.
I’m one to talk, though! 🙄
I can be gentle with everyone but myself, and that’s not fair.
@LumberJack I'm okay, because the broken bits are healing now. It's likely that the car wreck broght about a turning point of some sort. Certainly it was a huge stress on top of several other traumatic events. I agree with the therapist's comment which was my body and mind experienced a little too much to deal with. I'm still seeing them and getting on with things right here in the midst of it. My ex relationship metaphorically: a boxing match between a featherweight (me) and a middleweight. Unfortunately I never clued into the facts 1. it wasn't a marriage it was an acquisition, and 2. as such, I never stood a chance of mending it. Mixing my metaphors here lol, we were disjoint sets.
Sorry to hear you are going through this @KM76710 . Did you get an iron infusion? It sounds like you have a lot going on all of a sudden. I hope you are not in a position where you cannot pay your medical bills. You really need universal health care over there. I am going off on a tangent.
I hope you recover soon.
I hope you recover soon.
TL;DR (aka short version) - I feel awful. Psychosomatic pain and my mood is in the toilet. Figuratively speaking ofc...
Why, or how I got here:
Didn't have such a great day today. Mood went to shit after getting home from meditation center this morning. I don't know why, but it started right as I was thinking about what I would do today re: my job hunt. I had the thought that maybe I should look at what do I want to do long term, like - what do I want to accomplish before I finally escape this prison of meat and faulty brain processes. Answer: Not a goddam thing. I've accomplished anything I ever wanted to, or have reached a point where it's not likely enough to set any expectations around it. And when it comes down to it, none of it really matters. Academic and professional achievements mean nothing as early as 2 years later. Traumatic events, on the other hand, only accumulate.
I later had the thought that if I could somehow change time such that my existence would never have gotten started in the first place, I would opt for oblivion in an instant. The cost/benefit analysis of my life to date is decidedly negative. There is very, very little that could happen in the future that would be positive enough to balance that ledger. Unfortunately, my parents were not big on birth control so here I am with my siblings (who are also fucked up in pretty similar ways).
I read in a certain book that there is a Tibetan proverb that could be translated as, "Better to not get started, but once started, see it through to the end." The metaphor was a surgical operation - once you're on the table being cut up, it's a bit late to back out! This is how I've come to relate to the Buddhist teachings on suicide. There are none that I am aware of that directly address suicide. However, suicide under depression is an extreme form of suffering, usually a combination of aggression (wanting things to be different than they are) and ignorance (disordered mood that obscures the reality of things as they are). Extending the teachings on relating with the machinations of our self-seeking neurosis, it is the case that suicide is a really bad idea, probably worse than being born in the first place. Given that suicide is often not a voluntary act when it occurs, I have decided that I will focus on keeping at least my head above water so that I don't get past the point where it's too late to back out of a fatal decision.
What I really find meaningful is being of service, but only when it's not on purpose. Going out to do good is called being a goody-two-shoes and ends up bolstering a person's ego. Like comparison, ego is also a thief of joy. In fact, comparison is precisely the ego trying to bolster itself, or to do the opposite if the goal is to punish or accuse ourselves. I do both, sometimes simultaneously. I've also burnt myself out doing volunteer work for the wrong reasons.
Why, or how I got here:
Didn't have such a great day today. Mood went to shit after getting home from meditation center this morning. I don't know why, but it started right as I was thinking about what I would do today re: my job hunt. I had the thought that maybe I should look at what do I want to do long term, like - what do I want to accomplish before I finally escape this prison of meat and faulty brain processes. Answer: Not a goddam thing. I've accomplished anything I ever wanted to, or have reached a point where it's not likely enough to set any expectations around it. And when it comes down to it, none of it really matters. Academic and professional achievements mean nothing as early as 2 years later. Traumatic events, on the other hand, only accumulate.
I later had the thought that if I could somehow change time such that my existence would never have gotten started in the first place, I would opt for oblivion in an instant. The cost/benefit analysis of my life to date is decidedly negative. There is very, very little that could happen in the future that would be positive enough to balance that ledger. Unfortunately, my parents were not big on birth control so here I am with my siblings (who are also fucked up in pretty similar ways).
I read in a certain book that there is a Tibetan proverb that could be translated as, "Better to not get started, but once started, see it through to the end." The metaphor was a surgical operation - once you're on the table being cut up, it's a bit late to back out! This is how I've come to relate to the Buddhist teachings on suicide. There are none that I am aware of that directly address suicide. However, suicide under depression is an extreme form of suffering, usually a combination of aggression (wanting things to be different than they are) and ignorance (disordered mood that obscures the reality of things as they are). Extending the teachings on relating with the machinations of our self-seeking neurosis, it is the case that suicide is a really bad idea, probably worse than being born in the first place. Given that suicide is often not a voluntary act when it occurs, I have decided that I will focus on keeping at least my head above water so that I don't get past the point where it's too late to back out of a fatal decision.
What I really find meaningful is being of service, but only when it's not on purpose. Going out to do good is called being a goody-two-shoes and ends up bolstering a person's ego. Like comparison, ego is also a thief of joy. In fact, comparison is precisely the ego trying to bolster itself, or to do the opposite if the goal is to punish or accuse ourselves. I do both, sometimes simultaneously. I've also burnt myself out doing volunteer work for the wrong reasons.
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