How Are You Feeling Right Now?

[SillyOldBear]

Got it. How do you like the Eragon novels? I’m a Tolkien super fan, to give you an idea of my tastes. Also the Dark Tower series by Stephen King is a masterpiece IMHO. The author has written a lot of schlock, but the Gunslinger is far more developed than, Carrie, for example.

The Eragon series is pretty good but does not compare to Tolkien's Lord of the Rings. He is hard to beat. I tried Stephen King's Gunslinger series but did not care for it. The interesting thing about Eragon is that the author was only 15 when he started the first book; 18 when published. My biggest criticism is that it is the books get way too long. A little less verbosity would be an improvement.

 

[Chipetele]

after a couple of sleep deprived nights, I was going to sleep all night with no alarm and wake up fully rested, I woke up 2 hours later feeling hopeless and alone. Now I can't sleep

 

[LumberJack]

after a couple of sleep deprived nights, I was going to sleep all night with no alarm and wake up fully rested, I woke up 2 hours later feeling hopeless and alone. Now I can't sleep

It happens to me too. I have done similar, where after 2 nights of 10 hours sleep out of 48 hours, I am pretty useless cognitively. So I do physical activity such as more heavy lifting chores around my apartment and maybe some cardio in the gym. I think I will sleep great, and then it’s a 3 rd night of at least mild insomnia. For some reason I tend to be able to dissipate my emotional distress if that's why I'm not able to sleep, but this rarely will result in falling back asleep. In fact, I'm on day 4 in a row of waking up with under 6 hours but one was 4 and the first was 2.

 

[LumberJack]

Intrusive thoughts are telling me to kms. They keep coming back even when I distract myself or do something healthy-ish instead. It seems like I'm getting more agitated since I started preparing to treat my OCD based on my therapist's advice. Maybe I'm just more aware of it now, but I'm wondering if it could be that symptoms may flare up as I start to think differently about them. Who knows, and even if they did, would that matter?

I just don't want to feel this way. I want to get back to where I was before the inpatient abuse. I still had thoughts about suicide, but sometimes I would even go an entire day without having to fend them off. Now it feels like I'm doing pretty well if I manage half an hour between the spikes of rumination.

Since I do seem to be having a hard time, though, I think I'll try to just focus on what's in front of me. I do this while hiking if I run out of gas (aka the stored glucose in the liver that gets depleted during endurance exercise) before I'm back to the trailhead. One step at a time, then a break. It takes a lot longer, but that's what I get for not carbo loading, lol!

 

[LumberJack]

The Eragon series is pretty good but does not compare to Tolkien's Lord of the Rings. He is hard to beat. My biggest criticism is that it is the books get way too long. A little less verbosity would be an improvement.

LOTR is probably the mythic epic of the modern era. The more time I spend in therapy, the more I am relating certain scenes to things I've learned along the way. Biggest example being the climactic scene (trying to avoid throwing out spoilers here) and what Frodo says there. Darned if that's not a frking profound description of addiction, or any harmful habit!

I tried Stephen King's Gunslinger series but did not care for it.

You take that back right now! Philistine! j/k There shall be no arguing about taste, to paraphrase Aristotle.

I wonder if the Dark Tower series is like black licorice? You either love it or you avoid it; there is no middle ground.

 

[cymbele]

Been thinking of Easter and how to wind my way through family politics. (1) I have been invited by friends to go to their place and share dinner with them and my daughter and family. But that means my sister and niece and my friend who has no other friend but me will be alone and sad. I want to do this.

But my guilty side says (2) I should provide dinner for sister/niece/friend which is a tiny group and I want to be part of a larger group. Last Christmas I spent with my friend who has no one to be with and we just did Internet surfing and watching tv. I'd like a break from my friend but that's another thread. I can't invite them sister/niece/friend to my friends - it will be crowded as is without me. So I muse on what to do and worry needlessly.

PS @LumberJack I didn't like Gunslinger at all. I made my way through the first Eragon - I think there were more but I agree with @SillyOldBear that it was too long. Maybe a topic for Jim's Cafe...

 

[LumberJack]

Been thinking of Easter and how to wind my way through family politics.

Are you interested in advice?

re: book discussion on this thread: I refuse to stay on topic! I am still working on shortening my long winded posts. Maybe when I get confident with that I can start to focus on putting random topics in the coffee shop section, lol. I do try but not all the time, apparently.

 

[cymbele]

Are you interested in advice?

re: book discussion on this thread: I refuse to stay on topic! I am still working on shortening my long winded posts. Maybe when I get confident with that I can start to focus on putting random topics in the coffee shop section, lol. I do try but not all the time, apparently.

Some advice: I don't want to hijack the thread although after 250k posts it would be hard to hijack it. lol

 

[LumberJack]

Still getting to sleep closer to sunrise than sunset. Last night's sleep was over 6 hrs was Saturday night. Sun - Weds = 4 nights, combined total sleep of 18 hrs. Last night was 3.5. Starting to suspect it's my meal timing - eating almost nothing all day and then ingesting most of my calories 20 min before bedtime is doing no favors for my digestion or my sleep.

I need a nap. A really, really long nap! Then, a snack, lol.

 

[meow124]

I’ve been in a long stagnant lately. I’ve just been in autopilot and don’t really feel much of anything. The ocd has just become a part of my life. I barely fight it, and I just let it happen. I didn’t feel like killing myself all that much over it until last night. Sometimes I have my sister help me with cleaning or getting my clothes to change into because it’s too much for me or that I can’t be as particular with it because I can’t see it. But the issue last night was that I could see it and became particular about it. It made me have those thoughts again that I’m just failure and that I should die. I hated myself for being so particular and making her do my compulsions just to feel comfortable again. I just hate this all. I wish I didn’t have this stupid disorder. I’m going to try and go on medication for it and get specialized treatment, but I still just hate myself so much. I wish I could die.
It just sucks feeling this way because I have been doing a lot lately to get my life back together but then I feel like I’m back at square one again because of a small trigger. I don’t like this.

 

[I_waste_everything]

There aren't words in English to describe. This is a life-long sourceof anger for me. Our human tongues were made for counting livestock, setting territorial boundaries, and basic description of others' faces. Humans did not develop, or at least, sustain, words for complex emotions and emotional-conceptual interplays underneath.

I am mostly responsible for my own shortcoming and failure. But I consider this a major part of my deprivation, and believe- or at least want to believe- that I might have done better for myself if I'd had these nameless feeling-names in my toolkit.

I have failed this life attempt. If all that's left is a forever-vacuum, I weep and am defenseless. But if my thin thread is true, then maybe some birth down the road, I can be one to look inward and try to make new words.

 

[BlackSheep 007]

Depressive - ah yes, greetings from nice Africa!!

 

[ClassicsFan]

Like I need food.

 

[IRE1992]

It feels like life is accelerating and I'm getting motion sickness from it.

 

[Deadsoon]

When I am awake, I am crying. When I'm asleep, I'm being tormented by nightmares. I'm sick of this cycle. I want a protector who will help me through life, but it seems that will never happen, because I am destined to be alone. It's hard to do this life alone.

 

[Windhover]

Not bad, but tired, after doing chores all day. I like me when my brain shuts up.

 

[Pebble mouse]

It's not even 2pm and I'm in the throes of a psychotic episode. I can't live like this.

 

[chiastic_slide]

Relieved that I made into the shower at last.

 

[JanisSPK]

I think I had an anxiety attack yesterday brought on by basically not knowing where I stood. And I’m awake at 4 am not knowing what to do and impossible to sleep. I’m not patient when it comes
To delaying getting things addressed and worked
through and past. I am becoming more nervous because I’m being affected by others behavior which is to draw back, avoid, distance and all I can do is wait. There seems to be no power or balance is this type of back and forth. I just feel lost and helpless.

 

[Lane]

When I am awake, I am crying. When I'm asleep, I'm being tormented by nightmares. I'm sick of this cycle. I want a protector who will help me through life, but it seems that will never happen, because I am destined to be alone. It's hard to do this life alone.

I agree @Deadsoon, life is hard, especially without support. I learned that at a young age. In time I hope you feel stronger and good people come into your life.