How Are You Feeling Right Now?

[LumberJack]

I pulled another all-nighter last night. I couldn’t seem to get around to taking my evening meds, aka the sedating ones. I wish I was doing something fun, or at least something like building a skill. Even if it were Netflix, I would have at least had something to talk about in the off chance that I meet someone and need to make small talk.

I was doing tiny chores ad-infinitum. I didn’t get anything completely done, but I can say that I now have some less cluttered countertops. Any amount of unoccupied space on a surface is a rare commodity in my place. I also washed some dishes. Still need to clean the bowls and plates, but got the pans and silverware*, which took up a lot of space.

Spoiler: linguistic angst

* - I learned in my restaurant career that the Spanish word for silverware is cuchillos . For some reason I like that word better. The downside is that I think cuchillos in my head and then realized that Spanglish is not an official language, lol.

 

[LumberJack]

I feel the need to cry, but I don't know why, maybe to relieve stress. I can feel tears close, but they don't come

peace

This is a familiar feeling to me. I frequently notice it when I slow down to practice self calming exercises. I end up crying, though. Sometimes it is good to get it out, but sometimes I would rather just be aimlessly busy and not have to face my own problems.

 

[Angie]

Been having problems with my blood pressure today. I called my doctor and the nurse asked me to go to the hospital. But then I mentioned that sometimes my anxiety masks as bad symptoms along with the BP elevation. Things like lightheaded ness and short of breath. I think thats a part of what is happening. The nurse said I take my BP too often!

Anyway I need to make it through the night and I have an appointment at 9.15 am tomorrow at my doctor.

 

[Aurelia]

I'd like an outside opinion on this. Some months prior, my brother broke into my room and broke the lock on my door because he "thought" I was in danger. I wasn't. Then he called a crisis team to come to the house and take me to the psych hospital, and by then, I was very much angry enough at my family, that yes, I appeared crazy to the psych team. I kept screaming at them (and my family) because I was infuriated, and because of that, they decided I was unstable. Again, I wasn't. What I was, was rightfully angry.

Fast forward to now. My brother and I aren't speaking. I'm giving him an ultimatum. Replace my lock or we won't be speaking to one another, bottom line. My mother said, "I never lock my door, why do you want to lock yours?" Yes, I wonder why-ever I might want to do such a thing after everything that transpired. Don't you? Also, it's not about locking it, or even the lock itself. It's about admit you were fucking wrong and replace what you broke.

 

[LumberJack]

Been having problems with my blood pressure today. I called my doctor and the nurse asked me to go to the hospital. But then I mentioned that sometimes my anxiety masks as bad symptoms along with the BP elevation. Things like lightheaded ness and short of breath. I think thats a part of what is happening. The nurse said I take my BP too often!

Anyway I need to make it through the night and I have an appointment at 9.15 am tomorrow at my doctor.

Incidentally, that is how I got diagnosed with panic disorder. An ER co-pay of a few thousand dollars is a really expensive way to find out what a panic attack is, lol.

At least I knew I wasn’t having a heart attack, though. I have only good things to say about the ER crew and how well they treated me.

 

[Windhover]

I feel the need to cry, but I don't know why, maybe to relieve stress. I can feel tears close, but they don't come

peace

Sorry you're feeling that heavy, weepy emotion 1Lefty. Maybe the process of selling your place is triggering it. I know for me there was a considerable amount of ambivalence when mine was in the process of selling. Honestly I still have a bit of "seller's" remorse (if I may mangle the actual phrase). If you don't want to get rid of it, then now's the time to pull the emergency brake on the sale. Though the broker might hit you with a penalty, I don't know.

 

[Windhover]

I wish I was doing something fun, or at least something like building a skill.

I can recommend juggling. :p It's a humble, silly hobby I started learning a few years back. It's inexpensive, fun, definitely makes other people smile, and has a side benefit of reducing anxiety due to its similarity to emdr. Plus I suppose it gives one a tiny bit of exercise.

 

[GraveRobber]

I feel free.

 

[may71]

Sometimes I wish I were a mole.
Living buried in silence, far away from daylight and voices.
No mornings, no obligation to exist in front of anyone.
Just cold earth, comfortable darkness, and the distant sound of the world happening without me...

That's really beautifully written

 

[may71]

I'd like an outside opinion on this. Some months prior, my brother broke into my room and broke the lock on my door because he "thought" I was in danger. I wasn't. Then he called a crisis team to come to the house and take me to the psych hospital, and by then, I was very much angry enough at my family, that yes, I appeared crazy to the psych team

I could definitely understand getting extremely angry about something like this.

Do you think he had a sincere motive in this, or was there an element of intentionally messing with you?

Overstepping boundaries is a problem just by itself no matter what his motives were, but it's on another level if it was more than that.

 

[Aurelia]

I could definitely understand getting extremely angry about something like this.

Do you think he had a sincere motive in this, or was there an element of intentionally messing with you?

Overstepping boundaries is a problem just by itself no matter what his motives were, but it's on another level if it was more than that.

He thought I wasn't eating, wasn't taking care of myself, etc. But he was wrong and I told him that many times. He thought I was lying. It was his paranoia, nothing more.

 

[nicktheundoer]

Feeling like a mess today for various reasons.

Wishing u strength and happiness..😊😊🫂🫂🫂

 

[nicktheundoer]

Sometimes I wish I were a mole.
Living buried in silence, far away from daylight and voices.
No mornings, no obligation to exist in front of anyone.
Just cold earth, comfortable darkness, and the distant sound of the world happening without me...

Nice..sounds like the chapter "Job" in the Bible..
Btw..me too...

 

[nicktheundoer]

Bleak, nihilistic, existential despair right out of nowhere! Maybe it’s a rebound from feeling better for a couple days. Doesn’t matter, I can’t think straight; it’s that enveloping. I feel like I must do something. At the same time I feel 0% qualified to know what that is. I probably wouldn’t recognize it even if it showed up gift-wrapped on my doorstep.

I am not going to take it seriously though. I know better than to let a sudden mood swing push me around. Still, I need to hold off from any life changing decisions for a while.

I trust you.

 

[nicktheundoer]

Feelings that I can't say. Been doing research but can't say for what. Im very suicidal and really hope I can help someone before my life disappears. I wish I wasn't such a ashole in my past. There is so much I would've changed. I just want to end this pain. If anyone is hurting (hopefully not like me) and needs a hug or talk im here for ya. I could probably use a talking. I want to be gone and alone of people want that for me to. It makes people happy.

Noh brother..You are wanted and needed....no need to change the past, I believe..maybe you can repent for those actions and move forward?

 

[Lane]

Kicking myself for choices I made in the past. At times I seem to move forward, but it's always lurking in the back of my mind. I know I cant change the past. But scared of what my future looks like and afraid of any alternative options, so I guess im stuck

 

[Inastorm]

Better than yesterday- spoke to a close friend last night which helped

 

[SillyOldBear]

Horrible. I have wasted and destroyed my life. With food. Constantly eating everything that is bad for me; nothing that is good. My body has had enough and is failing. Can't get the tests I need any time soon. So no relief is in sight. Just lots of pain. Can't take opioids even if I could get them. They only make things worse. I so very much want to die. I have only myself to blame for the life I have led. For how I have destroyed my body. I knew better, but did not change anything. Just kept stuffing my face with everything bad. Even now, as my body screams at me, I still keep eating crap. I deserve this ending. I could have changed, but didn't.

 

[AvidFan]

Horrible. I have wasted and destroyed my life. With food. Constantly eating everything that is bad for me; nothing that is good. My body has had enough and is failing. Can't get the tests I need any time soon. So no relief is in sight. Just lots of pain. Can't take opioids even if I could get them. They only make things worse. I so very much want to die. I have only myself to blame for the life I have led. For how I have destroyed my body. I knew better, but did not change anything. Just kept stuffing my face with everything bad. Even now, as my body screams at me, I still keep eating crap. I deserve this ending. I could have changed, but didn't.

😟☹️

 

[Windhover]

@SillyOldBear Sending thoughts and my kind of prayers for your mind and body which is dealing with so much pain. I am sorry, please try to know you are not bad your are good, we all have varying responsibility for our plights. It's human society as a whole is where the blame is heaped, not you as an individual.

(h)