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How Are You Feeling Right Now?
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This is a good thing to notice. I encourage you to hold this in awareness, and also be gentle with yourself. I can tell you from experience that beating myself up for being irrational has consistently had the opposite effect of bringing me back into understandable behavior. My favourite author likes to talk about precision, gentleness, and letting go. The precision is what you've described above. The gentleness is also allowing yourself to be human. Letting go is to recognize that it's not a monotonically increasing time-series*.
You've got this.
<-- this is the closest thing to a cheerleader emoji I could find in the BB smilies, so glitter it is. I am intending it, though, as a fit and svelte male cheerleader cheering you on.
* - monotonically increasing just means there are no setbacks when trying to change a behaviour over time. I figured you'd already know this, given our past discussions, but I don't expect others reading this to necessarily have that level of mathiness. That's a word I just made up, but I'm going with it.
You've got this.
<-- this is the closest thing to a cheerleader emoji I could find in the BB smilies, so glitter it is. I am intending it, though, as a fit and svelte male cheerleader cheering you on.* - monotonically increasing just means there are no setbacks when trying to change a behaviour over time. I figured you'd already know this, given our past discussions, but I don't expect others reading this to necessarily have that level of mathiness. That's a word I just made up, but I'm going with it.
emotional lability. The struggle is real.
Was wondering what hobbies you have @DarkNightshade? I hope you get to do them and it brings you joy.
That an interesting take. I reckon that it plunges one in a weird state of consciousness somehow. At least for me it makes things look unreal (?) and changes the way I observe things. Maybe it indeed also changes your brain's 'priorities', so you don't linger on bad thoughts and self-loathing. I personally cannot withstand sleep deprivation and it wrecks my mind.
Well it's certainly unsustainable, but if you cannot avoid it and can still get something 'positive' out of it, I mean, you're seeing the bright side of it here, which is fine I guess.
Well it's certainly unsustainable, but if you cannot avoid it and can still get something 'positive' out of it, I mean, you're seeing the bright side of it here, which is fine I guess.
Upset and disappointed. This week I had been seeing an improvement in my symptoms, especially in the hip. My pelvic floor had also finally stopped being on fire, so my tactic of keeping the load down and not pushing through was working. I hadn't had a major hip twinge in 4 days.
Then I went to my physio appointment. She did all these weird things pulling my leg in all kinds of directions and ramped up the exercises. By the time I got back to the office my hip was twingeing constantly and feels like its wrecked. My pelvic floor is also on fire again. I think she's pulling and prodding without much clue what's actually going on and doesn't appear to be cognisant that a pelvic floor sensitised by trauma in surrounding muscles and constant severe stress, isn't going to respond well to being assaulted. No this doesn't feel like every day after physio soreness, I feel fucking damaged and can barely walk - I walked into the appointment feeling OK, like I'd survived a week and things were on the up - and walked out feeling pretty much suicidal, especially after sitting on the bus on the way home - which had been gettng easier as well, now it's back to sitting on spikes.
Then I went to my physio appointment. She did all these weird things pulling my leg in all kinds of directions and ramped up the exercises. By the time I got back to the office my hip was twingeing constantly and feels like its wrecked. My pelvic floor is also on fire again. I think she's pulling and prodding without much clue what's actually going on and doesn't appear to be cognisant that a pelvic floor sensitised by trauma in surrounding muscles and constant severe stress, isn't going to respond well to being assaulted. No this doesn't feel like every day after physio soreness, I feel fucking damaged and can barely walk - I walked into the appointment feeling OK, like I'd survived a week and things were on the up - and walked out feeling pretty much suicidal, especially after sitting on the bus on the way home - which had been gettng easier as well, now it's back to sitting on spikes.
Feeling adrift, like reality is slightly off somewhere half a minute away from where I am. I had a horrendously bad nightmare this morning. I got over it and managed to get back to sleep, albeit a disturbed, strange state.
@LumberJack ty for making me lol! at the cheerleader image. Filing that one to use again when I need to laugh and lighten up. The other parts are insightful and supportive , so I'm putting them in my notes. Much appreciated. (h)
@LumberJack ty for making me lol! at the cheerleader image. Filing that one to use again when I need to laugh and lighten up. The other parts are insightful and supportive , so I'm putting them in my notes. Much appreciated. (h)
Thank you @seabird. I didn't really feel it until about an hour after. They've booked me in next week, but I'm not sure weekly progression is right - I made such slow agonizing progress in the last 2 weeks trying to reduce load on that area, if each appointment is going to do this, it's counterproductive. Unfortunately I seem to have some complex interplay of things which textbook treatments aren't good for. I'll see how it is tomorrow, am just trying to get some food delivered now. I will call or email them in due course.
Is there any gastric upset, such as heartburn or nausea? IANAD, of course, but sometimes when I feel that way I need electrolytes. If there is nausea, it might be not too risky to down some gatorade, or whatever you use to hydrate, just to see.
I am sorry to hear about the mental state and emotional downturn. I hope you feel better soon.
I am sorry to hear about the mental state and emotional downturn. I hope you feel better soon.