How Are You Feeling Right Now?

[Lostman85]

Numb keep getting this bad feeling through my body nomatter what do even if I try thinking positive. It makes worse. I want to die badly. I dont even really care anymore. Fully giving up. Til death do us apart.

 

[LumberJack]

Been volunteering for the morning. I feel a lot better than I did yesterday. I also had a big cathartic release last night where I came to terms with the damaging effects of being inpatient. It’s been a month shy of 2.5 years of doubting myself to the point where I have been hiding symptoms from current providers for fear of being put on a hold again.

I wasn’t wrong. What they did was wrong and yet they don’t recognize the harm that they are doing. I’m pretty sure they don’t understand because they are disinclined to consider the patient; they only care about having as many beds occupied as possible.

So I am reclaiming my sense of safety and going forward I will only trust someone after they earn my trust. I need to move forward. I know it will take some time to turn this habit around, but I won’t let it dominate me anymore.

 

[AvidFan]

I get that. I know it sucks because I have done similar things and I was disappointed in myself. FWIW I would not criticize anyone for that type of mistake (unless it’s happening repeatedly in the same type of problem). I know how easy it is to beat oneself up over it, but it happens.

Thanks @LumberJack - I'm sure we all have, tis human to err!

 

[AvidFan]

Baffled. In kind of a good way. I've had plenty of good news today like lower tax burden, getting appointment sorted. Of course the universe couldn't resist the chance to piss on my chips with the work screw up. But on Monday I hobbled to the supermarket to pick up a doughnut cushion. I could barely move, my groin was on fire. The previous day I had been barely able to carry a couple of bags without a major flare. Yesterday I walked to the doctors, and back, and had leg pulled around by doctor. Didn't really flare as much. Today I've been for one little walk, then went to supermarket to get some things. Basket was getting a bit heavy, last week this would have had my groin screaming. Carried the stuff home. No twinges or twangs. Might be a little irritated now, but nothing like it was. It appears to be healing. Still think doctor is clueless - arthritis doesn't come on suddenly one day then start healing 5 weeks later - lol.

 

[cev77]

I'm depressed and angry. I don't want to be here and I'm angry my life has come to this.

 

[LumberJack]

I’ve still got some painful feelings floating around. I’m on top of it, though. It’s like the difference between surfing a wave vs getting knocked over by it. Staying on top takes a lot of work and I will inevitably fall over sometimes. I still have my skills and hey, it looks like I have many opportunities to use them, lol.

 

[Windhover]

My mind is all over the place. Anxiety has built up around an appointment I have to go to soon. It's going to be close to 100ºF, and I cannot deal with that sort of heat. If I have to cancel I will but they'll charge me. The whole thing of going to an expert who then tells you what to do with your body is something that I cannot trust, and yes I know I 'm wrong. I'm too homesick for the ocean and tired of it

 

[total eclipse]

Just so tired

 

[1964dodge]

They don't comprehend that I've been miserable lately. I think they just think I was a bit sad or something. And even if I try to explain, they still don't get it. It's like we don't speak the same language.

 

[1964dodge]

Just so tired

 

[1964dodge]

Feeling really low but self medicating cause kind of desperate I guess. Trying not to kill myself but want to

 

[1964dodge]

i'm having a bit of a hard time. my wife left for a week. there is something called a big yard sale hundreds of tables maybe more, twice a year. my wife and daughter go to them if physically possible. it gives my wife a week with our daughter which she clearly deserves.

she set me up the best she could and she will clean up sunday when she gets home. but i have to do everything , with my limited mobility it's hard but i can do it. the worst part is my two cats are f$cking with me lol. i'll be glad when she comes home tomorrow. my kids are checking on me closely lol

mike

 

[Lane]

Nervous and excited to take the train into NYC. But mostly I get nervous about being with my son. He speaks very abruptly and can be condescending. I have to prepare myself before visits with him. I wish i could just snap back at him, maybe I should try.

 

[AvidFan]

Apprehensive. The symptoms came back overnight so I probably overdid things a bit yesterday (again!)

 

[LumberJack]

The whole thing of going to an expert who then tells you what to do with your body is something that I cannot trust, and yes I know I 'm wrong. I'm too homesick for the ocean and tired of it

I have learned that I know my own body better than someone with a credential. They are not telling me what to do; they are advising me.

If you don’t trust a provider, there’s probably a reason. It’s up to you to look for the reason underlying the feeling and decide whether it’s a valid concern or something else going on under the surface.

Re: the ocean- I hear you. If it is pulling at your heart, then I would say that it is another opportunity to investigate why. Heck, maybe trial and error would work, as in getting to a beach and see how that feels. Do you think it is the ocean per se, or is it the southern hemisphere in particular, or something else?

Sorry about the advice giving. I’m thinking through similar things right now, except regarding the mountains instead of the ocean. I would rather work on anyone’s problems than my own right now, lol!🤪

 

[LumberJack]

Intrusive thoughts ramping up. I am trying to see those thoughts as a symptom of something else because I think that’s what is happening. I am not addressing my own needs. I do try, but I end up falling apart, freaking out, or however I should term it. Then I feel frustrated and blame myself and anyone else.

Blame has nothing to do with it! The situation is what it is and the universe is surprisingly insensitive to my preferences. You know the thing about how, paradoxically, accepting a situation can open up new perspectives where it’s easier to find a healthy way to move forward? I wish I knew, but I’m still really stuck in the gap between the current conditions and what I think should be.

I still have to practice more with acceptance/surrender. I think I am doing much better than I was, but if I am starting from zero or worse, there’s nowhere to go but up.

 

[AvidFan]

I have learned that I know my own body better than someone with a credential. They are not telling me what to do; they are advising me.

If you don’t trust a provider, there’s probably a reason. It’s up to you to look for the reason underlying the feeling and decide whether it’s a valid concern or something else going on under the surface.

Re: the ocean- I hear you. If it is pulling at your heart, then I would say that it is another opportunity to investigate why. Heck, maybe trial and error would work, as in getting to a beach and see how that feels. Do you think it is the ocean per se, or is it the southern hemisphere in particular, or something else?

Sorry about the advice giving. I’m thinking through similar things right now, except regarding the mountains instead of the ocean. I would rather work on anyone’s problems than my own right now, lol!🤪

I certainly know my own body better than some of the credentialled people I've met lately. The actual medical doctor went with "Arthritis or Sciatica" for a condition whose symptoms do not match either condition. It's more an Obturator Internus and other pelvic floor structure neuromuscular storm but they don't seem to cover that in 5 years of medical training....

 

[AvidFan]

So far this Saturday is going better than last Saturday.

 

[LumberJack]

Apprehensive. The symptoms came back overnight so I probably overdid things a bit yesterday (again!)

That makes sense to me. You feel better, and then it’s easy to overdo it.

I have found stretching/flexibility training is surprisingly helpful for pain relief. Did Dr. Chat GPT recommend any physio type exercises, e.g., specific stretches for the obdurator thing that fits your symptoms so well?

 

[AvidFan]

That makes sense to me. You feel better, and then it’s easy to overdo it.

I have found stretching/flexibility training is surprisingly helpful for pain relief. Did Dr. Chat GPT recommend any physio type exercises, e.g., specific stretches for the obdurator thing that fits your symptoms so well?

Been using Dr Gemini lately lol. There probably are things but I'm waiting till I see the proper specialist on Wednesday, they will do internal checks (yes, fingers and lube involved!) to see exactly which muscles are clamping and the first thing is to try to get them to relax and feel safe, stretching could just annoy them more. I'm fascinated by this whole area now, and hope this guy is as good as reputation and the cost 😂

But this highlights I may actual be ahead of the curve even though it's been a year since the chain of events started:

Because the OI muscle is buried deep beneath the large gluteal muscles, injuries are routinely misdiagnosed as standard hamstring strains, sciatica, or piriformis syndrome. This often delays correct treatment for months or even years, leading to central nervous system sensitization where the body becomes locked in a chronic pain loop .

I have hopefully avoided that sort of disaster - if I'd trusted the GP I would be letting myself in for months or even years of pointless tests.