How Are You Feeling Right Now?

[nicktheundoer]

I've not been able to respond as much as I'd like here. So - clicking likes on posts instead of replying. I am in a fight with depression. One moment I think I'm feeling better the next it's overshadowing me. Maybe I can get used to this and find the right kind of mindfulness for it.

You can do this!!!hugsss for youu.....🫂🫂🫂

 

[AvidFan]

Awful. My anxiety is sky high and I have to get ready and go to work. I had awful panic last night, going to bed seemed to help, I was OK when I get up but my blood pressure and anxiety has been steadily rising over the course of the morning. Not sure if anything is wrong with me beyond anxiety, but anxiety on its own is bad enough - this is a physical feeling of sheer terror. It's almost unbearable. My blood pressure normally comes out normal and reassures me. Not today - keeps going high and scaring me to death.

 

[Windhover]

Totally messed up again. Sorry I might be not around much. Things have taken a bad turn.

 

[DarkNightshade]

At this point, it really feels like my last episode broke my brain. It's probably just a phase, but my remission is usually pretty fast and then it's business as usual, so to speak. This time feels different though. I still have painful thoughts and memories from time to time, lingering passive suicidal ideations, and I sometimes feel like crying at night. Fortunately, many nasty depression symptoms are gone and I can function during the day. It's just... it feels like I'm done. Like, this is it; this is as good as it gets, and I'll inevitably have to commit suicide one day.

 

[SillyOldBear]

I feel horrible. I just want to die. Like soon!!!

 

[cymbele]

Totally messed up again. Sorry I might be not around much. Things have taken a bad turn.

Hugs. Give yourself some mercy. I know you are valuable here.

 

[AvidFan]

You are loved @Windhover please stay safe if you can.

 

[AvidFan]

Angry at the hurt shitty people cause good people.

 

[LumberJack]

another 14 hr night/morning last night. Getting to bed by 10:00 PM, hoping to be up at 6:00 the following morning, but ending up unable to leave bed until past noon. I do try to force myself to get up, but after a few minutes I feel so out of it that I feel that laying down is the only way I can prevent a falling over injury.

Today I asked my sister not to contact me ever again after her outreach that did not even acknowledge the falling out between us. I gave it 24 hours before I even wrote anything, and then 24 hours again to see if my mood would change after writing it down. I still felt the same. I feel like it is the correct decision. It's a difficult and painful decision to make, but I need to heal myself. After sending the message, I felt a degree of calm and peace that shows it's the least bad choice out of a number of bad choices.

 

[Lane]

Totally messed up again. Sorry I might be not around much. Things have taken a bad turn.

Im so sorry @Windhover. Take care of you.

 

[Lane]

another 14 hr night/morning last night. Getting to bed by 10:00 PM, hoping to be up at 6:00 the following morning, but ending up unable to leave bed until past noon. I do try to force myself to get up, but after a few minutes I feel so out of it that I feel that laying down is the only way I can prevent a falling over injury.

Today I asked my sister not to contact me ever again after her outreach that did not even acknowledge the falling out between us. I gave it 24 hours before I even wrote anything, and then 24 hours again to see if my mood would change after writing it down. I still felt the same. I feel like it is the correct decision. It's a difficult and painful decision to make, but I need to heal myself. After sending the message, I felt a degree of calm and peace that shows it's the least bad choice out of a number of bad choices.

Its very hurtful to fight with siblings. I know bcz my one living sister, I dont have contact with. It was a good decision though as I hope yours is.

 

[AvidFan]

another 14 hr night/morning last night. Getting to bed by 10:00 PM, hoping to be up at 6:00 the following morning, but ending up unable to leave bed until past noon. I do try to force myself to get up, but after a few minutes I feel so out of it that I feel that laying down is the only way I can prevent a falling over injury.

Today I asked my sister not to contact me ever again after her outreach that did not even acknowledge the falling out between us. I gave it 24 hours before I even wrote anything, and then 24 hours again to see if my mood would change after writing it down. I still felt the same. I feel like it is the correct decision. It's a difficult and painful decision to make, but I need to heal myself. After sending the message, I felt a degree of calm and peace that shows it's the least bad choice out of a number of bad choices.

I am so sorry you and other people have problems with offspring, siblings, parents and other kin the same way I do. I wish we could all be one happy SF family together as we could care for each other decently.

 

[Windhover]

I am so sorry you and other people have problems with offspring, siblings, parents and other kin the same way I do. I wish we could all be one happy SF family together as we could care for each other decently.

This is what I was thinking. I copied your words here because my mind and heart are extremely upset at the moment, and I have the same sentiments.

 

[LumberJack]

I am so sorry you and other people have problems with offspring, siblings, parents and other kin the same way I do. I wish we could all be one happy SF family together as we could care for each other decently.

thanks. I hope that I can eventually build healthy relationships after I have a healthy relationship w/ myself. There's the family you're born with, and then the family you choose. Then there are also the genetic relatives that are not healthy to interact with.

I have friends and contacts amongst whom we mutually support each other, and I'm very grateful that I'm so fortunate. Except for the part that they keep me from exiting of my own actions (where is the *chagrin emote when I need it???), but I think that the thought that I'm no use to anyone while alive is untrue, despite its persistence in my brain.

 

[LumberJack]

Its very hurtful to fight with siblings. I know bcz my one living sister, I dont have contact with. It was a good decision though as I hope yours is.

thank you. I'm sorry you had to do this as well.

 

[JanisSPK]

hurting. This fatigue is less intense than it was yesterday. It's still knocking me sideways. last night I kept falling asleep for 2 hrs and then waking up again. I ran this pattern for at least 5 cycles so it was probably 10-12 hrs of sleep. I got up and dressed and got to my volunteer shift at the equine assisted cervices center. Got nuzzled by a horse which was nice. I'm thinking I should go more frequently, both so that I'm learning how to do stuff, and then so that I can repeat it into muscle memory. It's also such a boost that I'm thinking that, as long as I have time, why would I not be there as often as possible?

Right now, though, I need a nap. My hands are shaky and I cannot get my eyes to move with each other. It's okay if I close my eyes, then put my focus where it needs to be, and then open my eyes, but the transition is not so fun if I keep the lids open. I'm considering tracking my sleep to see if I can get a personal best of how many hours I can be unconscious in a week, lol. So far hydration is good but I've not been eating a lot a lot of food except what goes from the freezer to the microwave, with veggies being an afterthought.

How are you now?

 

[JanisSPK]

I woke up today and once I stumbled my way through my morning routine, I noticed that I didn’t feel terrible. It was a completely neutral emotion, but I had a sense that I could do something today that I have been trying to do, but failing to do, for at least 4 weeks now.

So, from baffled and hopeless to neutral is a nice improvement,

Yes!☺️

 

[JanisSPK]

OK, I've now learned the diagnosis from the various tests. I'm in stage 4 liver cancer with some malignant tumors in my neck.
If I refuse any treatment I have 6 months to live with steadily deteriorating disagreeable symptoms.
If I accept a chemo treatment paired with immunotherapy, I'm given about a year to live, maybe more. But with a better quality of life.
I'm taking Plan B. So sometime next year I'll be reviewing my options. Nothing is off the table.......

I have liver disease that increases chances of liver cancer developing…..I’m in support of your choice. And openness. Whichever it would have been I would support but I love that what you are thinking to choose will improve the quality of how you will feel.

 

[JanisSPK]

I've not been able to respond as much as I'd like here. So - clicking likes on posts instead of replying. I am in a fight with depression. One moment I think I'm feeling better the next it's overshadowing me. Maybe I can get used to this and find the right kind of mindfulness for it.

I hope for this for you✨✨✨

 

[I_waste_everything]

Stuffed full. Fuller than I should.

Im fucking pissed!

Some assholes on another site are rreally being mean to me about something thats close to my heart

I've had þis experience. Often. For me it's a big reason why I grew up so upset.

If I can give you noþing else, at least know you're not alone being boþer'd like þæt.