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How Are You Feeling Right Now?
- Thread starter UNREGISTERED0000
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Utterly ambivalent, and lacking in confidence having to do with a major decision which will probably impact me for the rest of my life. I am too impulsive & this is about or is supposed to be about my welfare, my needs and best circumstances. Having experienced abuse and trauma, I do not trust my own judgement anymore. :/
I don't know if it is the same, but I feel similar sometimes - a sort of damned if I do, damned if I don't place which beckons a why bother at all sort of feeling. I can trust my own judgement in some things, but have been wrong/wronged so many times it becomes a struggle as I then start to worry what if I'm wrong again this time. I hope you can do something that is right for you and leads to some peace.
Me too. If I have the time, I will go with my first impulse and then sit on it for 48 hours. If I am pulled equally in both directions, I will flip a coin, whichever side I want it to land on, I go with that, whether or not it truly lands that way.
Which is mainly just to say that I have been there more than a few times. The worst decisions I make are the ones made without intention, as in just cruising along in a rut and taking the default route every time.
Which is mainly just to say that I have been there more than a few times. The worst decisions I make are the ones made without intention, as in just cruising along in a rut and taking the default route every time.
I am very very anxious. As in not worried or frightened, but just pure generalized anxiety that “something” really awful is going to happen soon and I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. I have no idea what that something might be, but it’s going to be a disaster, at least for me.
It’s not unrelated to my early childhood trauma which involved a lot of being punished for things I did not do, and also for not doing what I was supposed to do, when in fact I did, but the decision making adult simply assumed I hadn’t. But it’s not fear of unjustified punishment per se. It’s more like a criminal accusation could be a horrible thing that would affect me primarily, as opposed to a natural disaster.
Aside from that, I talked about being bothered by suicidal thoughts with my therapist yesterday and it hit me again that it’s not that I don’t wish to die, I just don’t want it to be a DIY project.
It’s not unrelated to my early childhood trauma which involved a lot of being punished for things I did not do, and also for not doing what I was supposed to do, when in fact I did, but the decision making adult simply assumed I hadn’t. But it’s not fear of unjustified punishment per se. It’s more like a criminal accusation could be a horrible thing that would affect me primarily, as opposed to a natural disaster.
Aside from that, I talked about being bothered by suicidal thoughts with my therapist yesterday and it hit me again that it’s not that I don’t wish to die, I just don’t want it to be a DIY project.
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Yes, decisions tend to relieve anxiety, at least it collapses the probability thing where all possible futures are in superposition and your mind tries to deal with all of them at once (and the human mind is not designed for this!). I am glad you sound more confident and trusting your self in this decision!
