How Are You Feeling Right Now?

[LumberJack]

I'm not feeling suicidal, but I am really, really sad. About everything. Mostly current events stuff so I won't put it here, but I think we can all agree that there is a lot of suffering going on that is unjust. So I am just sad that people seem to not be able to get along, and usually it boils down to greed; I want to have more money than the next guy, whether I need it or not. But that's not really the thing, it's more like the entry to the fact that I feel sad. What's under that is feeling like a hypocrite because I have done a shitton of work to get better, and I'm still struggling. In truth I have gotten better, but I still struggle with attachment issues, understanding human behavior, and learning how to adapt things that I have been doing in a neurotypical style cause that's how I was taught, over to doing the same things, but in a workflow that doesn't make me exhausted by 3:00 PM. I'm pretty good at masking, because I have to be, but I would like to figure out how to not have to mask to myself, while I'm at home alone.

 

[Lane]

Just blah. Thinking about my real life, a job with annoying co workers and dysfunctional boss. A very questionable relationship that leaves me feeling upset, lonely and disappointed. Broken family.

 

[Lane]

A burden, ready to go, yet not ready. I feel like I will never get the thoughts out of my head they've been here so long in the background like a jingle or old song, but sometimes like now they roar to the front and demand to be answered.

Welcome to SF @Fes321. You aren't a burden here but a valued member. I hope those thoughts lessen for you and that you can find some peace by being here.

 

[AvidFan]

I feel defeated. Been fighting to stay alive and resist the urges to end it for years, and the reward is just more problems, less solutions and a body that's slowly failing me with health issues added to the challenges. I'll keep myself safe today but I really don't know how much longer I can keep doing this.

 

[Lane]

I feel defeated. Been fighting to stay alive and resist the urges to end it for years, and the reward is just more problems, less solutions and a body that's slowly failing me with health issues added to the challenges. I'll keep myself safe today but I really don't know how much longer I can keep doing this.

Sorry its such a difficult time for you Avid. I think that youre very strong, the way you keep living your life. I wish only good things for you.

 

[AvidFan]

Sorry its such a difficult time for you Avid. I think that youre very strong, the way you keep living your life. I wish only good things for you.

Thanks @Lane, I wish the same for you. ❤️

 

[BlackSheep 007]

The scale was from 1 to 10, or? Why is there no negative value...? Today it would be negative. I can only hope it changes.

 

[SillyOldBear]

I feel defeated. Been fighting to stay alive and resist the urges to end it for years, and the reward is just more problems, less solutions and a body that's slowly failing me with health issues added to the challenges. I'll keep myself safe today but I really don't know how much longer I can keep doing this.

I can so relate to this. Fighting the urge to end it with a body continually failing. Its really hard. Add the world being in such a mess. I wish you the best in keeping up the fight.

 

[ClassicsFan]

Pissed.

 

[Windhover]

Worn out even after a sleep. Next time, I'm separating the 17 hour day of travel into two days. Felt rather mad at the smart watch beeping cheerily at me and saying I'd had a relaxing day. No. It is not relaxing to do five miles of walking with a pack mostly on concrete footpaths, and manage to connect properly with six modes of travel lol. I hate noisy airports, they assault my ears. I suppose my heart rate didn't go very high so the watch's software can't acknowledge the various stresses piling one atop the other. However. being out on the water for 40 minutes in the morning was great.

 

[AvidFan]

Worn out even after a sleep. Next time, I'm separating the 17 hour day of travel into two days. Felt rather mad at the smart watch beeping cheerily at me and saying I'd had a relaxing day. No. It is not relaxing to do five miles of walking with a pack mostly on concrete footpaths, and manage to connect properly with six modes of travel lol. I hate noisy airports, they assault my ears. I suppose my heart rate didn't go very high so the watch's software can't acknowledge the various stresses piling one atop the other. However. being out on the water for 40 minutes in the morning was great.

Lol I'd love to see your smartwatch stats. Mine is usually saying "you are depleted, lowering stress and taking a rest can help maintain energy levels" - and that's by lunchtime.... Usually a wall of orange stress. At least it's not doing that all night lately, have had periods of that. Am glad you had a safe journey - yes pacing yourself sounds like a plan!

 

[DarkNightshade]

Feeling okay. I think I'm back to "stability" (at last). It's been a long road to get there, but I now feel like myself - so to speak - and I realized today that I haven't had any suicidal thoughts for more than two weeks. I really hope this will last for as long as possible.

 

[Fes321]

Just realised I've literally spent the past two days most of my waking hours having AI help me plan. It makes me feel both better and worse. But I kind of feel powerful like I tricked an all seeing deity.

 

[SillyOldBear]

Frustrated, concerned, pissed.

 

[TragicReality]

I'm better than last night. My dose of ozempic was just upped, and I ate too much that I almost thought I'd need a hospital, I was dizzy and groaning with my stomach distended for hours. I finally slept early this morning until afternoon. The weather is turning quite cold and rainy, I think we've seen the last of nice days for the year.

 

[AvidFan]

My body is just eating itself in a loop of stress I can't get out of. I went to bed and dropped off for 5 minutes then woke up again.i feel like I'm sinking. My body and mind are destroying me as fast as external stressors keep piling on. I was doing a bit better. Then my body decided no sleep tonight. Again.

 

[LumberJack]

Fat. I hate being overweight. I need to do something about this. I’m stout just like the rest of my family, so at the “ideal” BMI I look like I just came from a famine zone. I know this because of the ID I got on my 21st birthday- I was 5’9” and 150 lbs. that’s the ideal BMI, but I have seen that old picture and I look gaunt.

A million beers later I was obese, like for real. I topped out at 220lbs -which is exactly 100 kg, as in I weighed in at the doctor's office at 100.0 kg. At least my fat ass can stop at a round number, like a proper OCD person should. Even worse, I store all my fat in my belly so I looked like I was carrying a beach ball everywhere. I got down to 180, and felt good, but then I tried sugar again and I gained 12 lbs between nov 2025 and June 2026. Got a couple lbs off through just not eating, but I look like a giant marshmallow in the mirror.

I’m eating my emotions. Sugar to me is like what crack probably is to normies, except I can get it everywhere… and I do, because a sugar high feels better than hopeless and worthless. I’m mostly talking to myself about the seriousness of my problem with sugar. I need to treat it as a drug, because it is. So I get around 1800 calories a day between the cookies and milk, and not exercising or eating protein. I shove a salad down my throat at the end of the day and I try to get some whole grain for fiber and a protein shake. But other than that, it’s all sugar all the time, except when I switch to cheese, lol.

corrective action: experiment with managing my emotions without defaulting to sugar. Dessert is okay, but it needs to be one a day rather than the majority of my diet.

 

[ChaosTheory]

Fat. I hate being overweight. I need to do something about this. I’m stout just like the rest of my family, so at the “ideal” BMI I look like I just came from a famine zone. I know this because of the ID I got on my 21st birthday- I was 5’9” and 150 lbs. that’s the ideal BMI, but I have seen that old picture and I look gaunt.

A million beers later I was obese, like for real. I topped out at 220lbs -which is exactly 100 kg, as in I weighed in at the doctor's office at 100.0 kg. At least my fat ass can stop at a round number, like a proper OCD person should. Even worse, I store all my fat in my belly so I looked like I was carrying a beach ball everywhere. I got down to 180, and felt good, but then I tried sugar again and I gained 12 lbs between nov 2025 and June 2026. Got a couple lbs off through just not eating, but I look like a giant marshmallow in the mirror.

I’m eating my emotions. Sugar to me is like what crack probably is to normies, except I can get it everywhere… and I do, because a sugar high feels better than hopeless and worthless. I’m mostly talking to myself about the seriousness of my problem with sugar. I need to treat it as a drug, because it is. So I get around 1800 calories a day between the cookies and milk, and not exercising or eating protein. I shove a salad down my throat at the end of the day and I try to get some whole grain for fiber and a protein shake. But other than that, it’s all sugar all the time, except when I switch to cheese, lol.

corrective action: experiment with managing my emotions without defaulting to sugar. Dessert is okay, but it needs to be one a day rather than the majority of my diet.

You enjoy that lumber “snack”, LumberJack. Life’s too hard to avoid everything that brings even an ounce of comfort.

 

[AvidFan]

Awake. Got up and dosed valerian and other plant based shit, to try to switch my nervous system down. It down shifted a bit and must have got a few hours. Was awake at 5am and then then got up at 7.50am feeling awful. There's a chance I will either get one thing fixed today, or the impossible problems just pile on. I need to rest so much but for the next week there is a lot of stuff hanging over me. Few quieter days before and after weekend. Still not full days off except Saturday and Sunday. It doesvt feel like enougb and meanwhile I'm stuck inside the thing that's causing me the most stress.

 

[Lane]

Feeling okay. I think I'm back to "stability" (at last). It's been a long road to get there, but I now feel like myself - so to speak - and I realized today that I haven't had any suicidal thoughts for more than two weeks. I really hope this will last for as long as possible.

Goid to hear @DarkNightshade. Stable is a good way to phrase it, agree 100%.