How Are You Feeling Right Now?

[LumberJack]

You make me lol.

YAY!

I admire how you did all that research. I will keep my eyes and ears open in any church situation from now on.

I did a lot of research because I was nuts, lol. I sort of intuited that we've got this Jesus dude saying blessed are the poor and take care of each other (charity and mercy), be cool to foreigners and stuff, but the Pauline epistles have waaaay more obsessing over why sex is bad. I also noticed all the homophobic remarks I heard from sermons and just leaders in conversation were all out of Paul, with one exception from Leviticus. Interestingly they seem to feel like that one verse still applies, but none of the rest do. So - yeah. I was 16, feeling feelings I did not want to feel because I would get excommunicated if anyone found out, but those 19-21 year old male missionaries were suddenly very, very interesting. In these cases I do what I always do.... go to the Library! I was initially interested in apologetics, aka debating with atheists, but then I came across the paul vs JC shelf and honestly that gave me a lot of comfort because if I have to be on one person's bad side, I'd rather be on Paul's naughty lil boys list than on the ledger kept by the Son of Man and the saviour of all mankind, ffs.

I'm actually thinking about buying a (personal home use) subscription to an academic journal archive. As long as they are in the Humanities, Social Sciences, or Computer Science disciplines, I can hold my own. Neuropsychiatry on the other hand - my APRN suggested I get off of pubmed, lol.

I'm sure you needed to know my entire journey with theology, but there it is. Also, 30 years later, I think it's just adooooorable that these early 20s kids are running around introducing themselves as "Elder." However, since I am now much older and my romantic tastes have evolved considerably, it's really like they are just cute but I'm totally over the whole clean-cut white boy aesthetic now.

 

[LumberJack]

Then I send you hugs too!

Me as well.

Wonderful! Let's have a big group hug!
I'd throw a unicorn in for good measure but I'm on laptop rn. I know I could look up the hex code, but I am too lazy. Ah heck, I did it anyway 🦄

 

[LumberJack]

I'm a bit slap-happy. I fell into a sinkhole of compulsive behaviors, and it took me all night to climb back out. It's bittersweet. On the one hand, I did come back to my senses. OTOH, I've lost the better part of another day. I fuckin really hate that I keep doing this. I have ideas, but I'm not following up on them. Maybe whenever I wake up I should take some dedicated time to practice with my OCD sort of like training physically. I did do this when I was trying to stop compulsively pouring booze down my throat. It was that you would do this kind of light touch with thinking about things that generally lead to urges, and you resist them. OCD looks a lot like addiction, or maybe it's just me, but I would be absolutely not surprised if the tools that work for one also work for the other.

 

[cymbele]

My needy friend contacted me about getting together on weekends like before I went into hiding. His birthday is the weekend before thanksgiving and he was strongly expressing that he would like company but I don’t think that I am up for it. But I think about the lonely people on SF like him who need someone on their birthday and I almost capitulate. So I dunno. Here I go again.

 

[Windhover]

Selfish, or maybe it's petty, or not. It's like I've been defending myself for months, and I'm tired of working on it. I think it about emotional baggage from a family member which has been aimed squarely at me. Whether they like me or not is not my responsibility, and even if it was, assisting with their convoluted issues is way past my pay grade. Deciding how to respond to my feelings comes down to caring about my self and self respect. My viewpoint of reality has to take precedence, and despite various feelings I will make use of latent confidence.

 

[Windhover]

Wonderful! Let's have a big group hug!

yay : )

 

[KM76710]

Liking hugs from anyone who wants to send hugs!

There are always plenty available to share.

 

[JanisSPK]

I volunteered at the church at their Kidbridge program in the classroom last week. I like being around children especially since I havent met me 2 year old grandson. The catch is, they gave me a letter/contract to sign in which you are not to have relations outside of marriage. I hope its ok to post this here. Im a 57 year old engaged lady with four kids for crying out loud.

I dont think its fair or right for anyone to dictate how I live. So Im torn between signing it or not. I really would like to help out in sunday mornings. Any input is welcome. Thanks SF friends.

oh my. what silliness. I hope something about this can be worked out, bypassed. Maybe there's another program similar nearby that you would enjoy and be able to participate with?

 

[Lisa the Ferrociraptor]

I got some pretty awful news today. And i'm not okay about it. But crucially, unlike my old self, i will be okay about it. I can weather it, the same as i weather everything these days. I don't even contemplate death as a solution to my problems any more, as tempting as it can feel sometimes to fall back into my old defeatist perspective.