Practical Advice How do I permanently turn myself into a child mentally.

[MisterBGone]

H'mm... Do you think this has something to do with, your looking for a "substitute," or a 'replacement,' for - your Mother? Since she was a little on the inadequate side for or with & towards you? In some way, any-way? At least in terms of roles, and how this might, help to make up for, that which you've felt lacking (in life) all of this time? From a maternal perspective? Or am I way off, here~

 

[AnHeroTransGirl]

And is she aware of her behavior. (& how it affects you, in such a negative way?)...

Yes.

Cool. I wonder what a professional might tell you, were you to confide in them (about this very specific thing)?

I don't see why that would matter.

H'mm... Do you think this has something to do with, your looking for a "substitute," or a 'replacement,' for - your Mother? Since she was a little on the inadequate side for or with & towards you? In some way, any-way? At least in terms of roles, and how this might, help to make up for, that which you've felt lacking (in life) all of this time? From a maternal perspective? Or am I way off, here~

The relationship started like that

 

[AnHeroTransGirl]

Bumping because I feel terrible

 

[Survivorist]

I wanna permanently be in this state. I don't wanna deal with adult troubles anymore. I don't want my girlfriend to act angry in front of me anymore, I don't want to suffer anymore. I will not take no for an answer. I will not accept "you can't" as an answer. I don't wanna deal with people calling me a bad person for something that my girlfriend wants to help me with. I'm tired of hearing that it's not possible when it is.

You are at an important point of change in your life. So replace "wanna" I do not any longer. Point. I have the feeling, you are nearly there. And stress when getting old - it will never stop. Hard to find real peace - trust me.

 

[AnHeroTransGirl]

You are at an important point of change in your life. So replace "wanna" I do not any longer. Point. I have the feeling, you are nearly there. And stress when getting old - it will never stop. Hard to find real peace - trust me.

Well I don't exactly know what to do to get to this state.

 

[FlamingoWrangler]

As stated, there is no ethical way to return to a childlike state.

very often in relationships, one person has stress and needs to vent. Many times we need to feel heard. Generally, people don’t want advice or to be fixed. They just need someone to listen, comfort & encourage.

as A young child, do you have to be bankrolled by a girlfriend? Perhaps she’s not the one. Find someone that wants to live the MDLG life. Please know, MD will still have bad days. even as a young kid I knew when my parents where stressed and anxious. therefore- you can’t really get away from dealing with the emotions others feel. In fact when a parent has increased frustration, it Is painfully obvious To kids.
I have a couple more thought to share. But I am super sleepy. TTYL

 

[Lisa the Ferrociraptor]

Please know, MD will still have bad days. even as a young kid I knew when my parents where stressed and anxious. therefore- you can’t really get away from dealing with the emotions others feel.

I was thinking this myself actually, but i wasn't sure whether to mention it. Even when i was really small, my mum had a lot of frustrations in her life, and i knew all about a bunch of them. Obviously, she'd put on a brave face, and there were some very adult issues she didn't share with me, but i was still privy to a lot of the things going on with her, good and bad. And i suspect that looping me in on her problems helped her, cos i was there for her in whatever capacity i could be at that age. Even when i was that age, our dynamic was never all one person giving and the other taking, i wanted to give back too.

I especially remember when she was doing her PHD, i knew exactly how much she hated spending most of her time in her study, working away at her thesis. She spoke to me on numerous occasions about how sad it made her to miss out on so much time with dad and i, and to spend on her other interests. I think it bothered me more because i could tell it bothered her, than because she didn't have much time for me. It very quickly became known as "the bloomin' PHD" around our house.

 

[AnHeroTransGirl]

As stated, there is no ethical way to return to a childlike state.

very often in relationships, one person has stress and needs to vent. Many times we need to feel heard. Generally, people don’t want advice or to be fixed. They just need someone to listen, comfort & encourage.

as A young child, do you have to be bankrolled by a girlfriend? Perhaps she’s not the one. Find someone that wants to live the MDLG life. Please know, MD will still have bad days. even as a young kid I knew when my parents where stressed and anxious. therefore- you can’t really get away from dealing with the emotions others feel. In fact when a parent has increased frustration, it Is painfully obvious To kids.
I have a couple more thought to share. But I am super sleepy. TTYL

I don't believe it. I'm not even looking for a "ethical" way. I'm looking for a way at all. Also breaking up with her will mean I have to move back in with my parents and id rather die than do that. Not to mention the modern day dating world is fucked, finding a female partner is as hard as ever, even as a woman. We live in an era where modern women will drop you the moment they hear ONE thing they don't like. Hell the only reason I know my girlfriend is because she was recommended to me by a now former friend. Also she can hide her pain the same way normal parents do. My parents didn't do it, but given the not 0 amount of kids who don't hate their lives in the world, it is possible.

I was thinking this myself actually, but i wasn't sure whether to mention it. Even when i was really small, my mum had a lot of frustrations in her life, and i knew all about a bunch of them. Obviously, she'd put on a brave face, and there were some very adult issues she didn't share with me, but i was still privy to a lot of the things going on with her, good and bad. And i suspect that looping me in on her problems helped her, cos i was there for her in whatever capacity i could be at that age. Even when i was that age, our dynamic was never all one person giving and the other taking, i wanted to give back too.

I especially remember when she was doing her PHD, i knew exactly how much she hated spending most of her time in her study, working away at her thesis. She spoke to me on numerous occasions about how sad it made her to miss out on so much time with dad and i, and to spend on her other interests. I think it bothered me more because i could tell it bothered her, than because she didn't have much time for me. It very quickly became known as "the bloomin' PHD" around our house.

I still don't believe that it's not possible to become a child mentally

 

[AnHeroTransGirl]

Bump. Jee thanks for having me put all my faith in MisterB only for him to not respond anymore Lisa

 

[MisterBGone]

Bump. Jee thanks for having me put all my faith in MisterB only for him to not respond anymore Lisa

I'm sorry I haven't been able to come up with, nor give you the answers you are looking for. If they are indeed out there - I am not smart, nor wise enough to figure them out. Aside from not seeing every time this thread has been updated, I also don't want to make matters worse, by offering you "Fluff," or other things that go beyond those parameters with which you've stated from before. So, believe it or not, I was (only) 'trying,' to be respectful. I hope you are well this evening, or whenever this note--or post--finds you~!* Take care, mrb.

 

[AnHeroTransGirl]

I'm sorry I haven't been able to come up with, nor give you the answers you are looking for. If they are indeed out there - I am not smart, nor wise enough to figure them out. Aside from not seeing every time this thread has been updated, I also don't want to make matters worse, by offering you "Fluff," or other things that go beyond those parameters with which you've stated from before. So, believe it or not, I was (only) 'trying,' to be respectful. I hope you are well this evening, or whenever this note--or post--finds you~!* Take care, mrb.

I just wanted my issue to be solved. Lisa told me you'd have the answer

 

[MisterBGone]

I just wanted my issue to be solved. Lisa told me you'd have the answer

I wish I did. But it turns out to be, not so easy for me... (I'm afraid)

 

[AnHeroTransGirl]

I wish I did. But it turns out to be, not so easy for me... (I'm afraid)

I wish she were more transparent about that possibility

 

[MisterBGone]

I think that, we're all just doing the best that we can & that--everyone just wants to help you here, @AnHeroTransGirl ~Truly! Within certain limits, and restrictions, which have been set, or imposed - that do make it challenging, at times. However, I understand now better why you have this inflexibility in your thinking. So I do hope you can find what you're looking for.

 

[Lisa the Ferrociraptor]

Bump. Jee thanks for having me put all my faith in MisterB only for him to not respond anymore Lisa

I just wanted my issue to be solved. Lisa told me you'd have the answer

I wish she were more transparent about that possibility

Hang on here. You're phrasing all this as if i went "Go to MisterB, the wise wizard of the West, and he shall wave his hand and fix your problems." All i said was that he was the one i saw as the best bet, cos you were very explicit about not liking my approach, and it's one a lot of members here use, where they focus on empathy and understanding cos they know they can't fix your problem for you. So i figured MisterB may be good to talk to, since he is empathetic, but also keen on talking through practicalities and examining every aspect of something.

As he said, everyone here has just been doing their best to help you. I'm genuinely sorry that we can't find a way to make things better for you, but it doesn't excuse this behaviour. The people here genuinely care about you, but it's very hard when you keep kicking them in the face in return. As for me, i'm done trying, cos i have better things to do than keep trying to help you, and being made out to be the bad guy for it.

 

[Acy]

Hi, @AnHeroTransGirl…

I’ve skimmed this thread…I’m not sure I understand what you want…I’ll summarize my current understanding, and if I’m off, please help me to understand.

Summary:
You’ve had some disagreement with your gf. She is upset/angry. You, in turn, are upset and angry that she is upset and angry. And your solution is to have a permanent “child’s mind/mentality” so that she cannot be angry with you because adults can’t be angry if someone can only reason/think/function mentally at a child’s level.

Comments:
If I’ve understood correctly, I am left wondering if regressing permanently to childhood status would be good. If you are deemed a child, then I think you would be a “protected person” who could not be in a romantic/sexual relationship with an adult. She’d be more like a mother to you, I think. As a “child,” you would be guided by the adults around you…and you have clearly stated that you have opinions and you want to be heard and respected for those opinions. A child’s opinions might be acknowledged, but the child is often expected to cooperate with the reasonable expectations of the adults around them, even when those expectations don’t match the child’s opinions.

Re practicalities of regressing to permanent child status:
I cannot think of any practical risk-free way to “become a child” — Would you be fine with losing your adult reasoning, your adult privileges, your adult voice in matters that affect you, your autonomy, your life choices?

How about finding a way for you and your gf to find points of agreement, and then together, look at what you are disagreeing about. Are there any compromises that the two of you can make? Could you make a plan around those, if they are possible?

As I noted, I’m not sure I’ve understood. So if I’ve missed you actually meant, please forgive me. I hope you find a good resolution.

 

[AnHeroTransGirl]

Hang on here. You're phrasing all this as if i went "Go to MisterB, the wise wizard of the West, and he shall wave his hand and fix your problems." All i said was that he was the one i saw as the best bet, cos you were very explicit about not liking my approach, and it's one a lot of members here use, where they focus on empathy and understanding cos they know they can't fix your problem for you. So i figured MisterB may be good to talk to, since he is empathetic, but also keen on talking through practicalities and examining every aspect of something.

As he said, everyone here has just been doing their best to help you. I'm genuinely sorry that we can't find a way to make things better for you, but it doesn't excuse this behaviour. The people here genuinely care about you, but it's very hard when you keep kicking them in the face in return. As for me, i'm done trying, cos i have better things to do than keep trying to help you, and being made out to be the bad guy for it.

You don't have to lose your shit with me, I just wanted help. See, this is why therapy and mental health discussion will forever be fucked. Since people nowadays think they want to help end up just rage quitting and making everything worse when they realize the problem is more complicated than they think.

Hi, @AnHeroTransGirl…

I’ve skimmed this thread…I’m not sure I understand what you want…I’ll summarize my current understanding, and if I’m off, please help me to understand.

Summary:
You’ve had some disagreement with your gf. She is upset/angry. You, in turn, are upset and angry that she is upset and angry. And your solution is to have a permanent “child’s mind/mentality” so that she cannot be angry with you because adults can’t be angry if someone can only reason/think/function mentally at a child’s level.

Comments:
If I’ve understood correctly, I am left wondering if regressing permanently to childhood status would be good. If you are deemed a child, then I think you would be a “protected person” who could not be in a romantic/sexual relationship with an adult. She’d be more like a mother to you, I think. As a “child,” you would be guided by the adults around you…and you have clearly stated that you have opinions and you want to be heard and respected for those opinions. A child’s opinions might be acknowledged, but the child is often expected to cooperate with the reasonable expectations of the adults around them, even when those expectations don’t match the child’s opinions.

Re practicalities of regressing to permanent child status:
I cannot think of any practical risk-free way to “become a child” — Would you be fine with losing your adult reasoning, your adult privileges, your adult voice in matters that affect you, your autonomy, your life choices?

How about finding a way for you and your gf to find points of agreement, and then together, look at what you are disagreeing about. Are there any compromises that the two of you can make? Could you make a plan around those, if they are possible?

As I noted, I’m not sure I’ve understood. So if I’ve missed you actually meant, please forgive me. I hope you find a good resolution.

I'm 100% willing to accept any risk. Also the discussion of "compromise" and "points of agreement" might lead to more problems so that's a route I don't want to take.

 

[Lisa the Ferrociraptor]

You don't have to lose your shit with me, I just wanted help. See, this is why therapy and mental health discussion will forever be fucked. Since people nowadays think they want to help end up just rage quitting and making everything worse when they realize the problem is more complicated than they think.

It's funny to me that you think that was me losing my shit. It wasn't even close. Not to mention i wasn't even gonna say anything after your first post blaming me, but you just kept chatting shit about me.

The real irony is you think it's that people can't handle complex problems. But in truth they don't like that you treat them like garbage when they're just trying to help. Until you figure out how to actually be polite to people doing their best, you're gonna just stay alone and miserable.

 

[AnHeroTransGirl]

It's funny to me that you think that was me losing my shit. It wasn't even close. Not to mention i wasn't even gonna say anything after your first post blaming me, but you just kept chatting shit about me.

The real irony is you think it's that people can't handle complex problems. But in truth they don't like that you treat them like garbage when they're just trying to help. Until you figure out how to actually be polite to people doing their best, you're gonna just stay alone and miserable.

I didn't treat you like garbage, I just stated what could've been done better. Also good job letting me know that you're purposefully gonna make me worse just because I don't fall into your quota of "behavior"

 

[Acy]

I'm 100% willing to accept any risk. Also the discussion of "compromise" and "points of agreement" might lead to more problems so that's a route I don't want to take.

@AnHeroTransGirl…I’m afraid I disagree that you are “100% willing to accept any risk”…maybe you would 100% accept any risk related to regressing to the status of child to get what you want…fine, I think you mean that.

However, in my opinion, the real risk for you is in not using adult-type tools (such as finding points of agreement and compromising) with your gf to make your relationship work. Those tools and skills are essential elements for an adult relationship in my experience. I understand why you might not want to seek common ground or compromise: Going through those discussions and processes can be challenging, and both sides need to give somewhat to get more of what they want.

Compromise usually begins by finding something to agree on, and then working on the problematic issue, hearing what the other person wants, expressing what we want, and seeing if there is some way for both sides to give a little. If no one is willing to give, then eventually the strain between the parties tends to affect the relationship, and usually not for the better. So, I’m sad that process would problematic for you.

I will leave you be, now, because I don’t have anything else to offer. I do wish you well and hope you find a satisfactory resolution.