How to keep your mouth under control?

[Mayarian]

I had this bad habit for all of my life. I usually very very quiet, my friends keep complaining when I dont say anything when we're together(I only listening to them).
I tried my best to keep silent because I had this habit, I always and always make people mad everytime I caught off guard and beng too friendly(or tried to) and somehow keep saying anything that will offend them. Sometimes this goes without me even realize
One time my family just watch tv and there's a antagonist on opera soap and I mumbling "how despicable" suddenly she got mad and thought I said that to her
Then my friend just got a haircut, we talk about it and I said "that bangs looks unusual" then she got mad suddenly and asked who said that she thought I make fun of her
Just now I just talked with a pretty new friend, we just knew each other for months bcs we got in the same team. My teams usually goofing around and often had this "oh you stupid h*e lol damn you" style. We talked about something and I said "whats the difference dummyhead?lol" and she got triggered. We made up and apologize she said she just had a bad day today and everything easily pissed her off. And many more

After got into the heated up situation, I tried to mend it by explaining/apologize. Then everything mostly ended pretty quick and were supposed to on good terms again. But it keeps happening, I slowly draw myself from conversations or just simply silent. But I sometimes want to blend and tried to talk then I caught off guard make my friends mad even the friend that I look up and respect. And those cycle repeated again. and again.
This bad habit of mine, I try to hold it by just carefully open my mouth. I dont talk much anymore. Then when I feel that maybe I can blend with them, my mouth slip again got people mad then it become a painful reminder that I shouldnt got too close with someone. Sometimes it leads to overthinking and made me panic crying hitting my head(I always do this when I alone, I cant afford to allow someone knew I maybe insane)

I would like to hear some advice on how to socialize, or maybe just tell me whether I just shut up? Thank you.

 

[1964dodge]

socializing is trial and error. all you can do is observe others and find out what is acceptable or not within that group, but you will screw up again we all do. don't worry about mistakes all you can do is your best with a group. I've mistaken things in a group before it's not a big deal just say sorry I meant to say ….I hope things get better for you and you do speak up and learn to have a good and happy life. mike

 

[Mayarian]

socializing is trial and error. all you can do is observe others and find out what is acceptable or not within that group, but you will screw up again we all do. don't worry about mistakes all you can do is your best with a group. I've mistaken things in a group before it's not a big deal just say sorry I meant to say ….I hope things get better for you and you do speak up and learn to have a good and happy life. mike

I just tired for everything keep happening again and again. Now although everything was settle down, I still hold some hard feeling. I become angry too with people that got mad at me(even though I was the wrong one). And my point of view of them changed, I dislike them. Its tiring.

 

[1964dodge]

I just tired for everything keep happening again and again. Now although everything was settle down, I still hold some hard feeling. I become angry too with people that got mad at me(even though I was the wrong one). And my point of view of them changed, I dislike them. Its tiring.

be patient. you interact very well with people in SF, so if you can interact well with people here you should do a better job irl . it may make you a little more nervous but you can also pick up on body language and mannerisms. as a last resort try keeping a journal of times you may have said something differently (better) and times that you had no problems at all. like I said the journal is only if you feel you need it. I know you can do this you do so well here. mike

 

[Walker]

You don't have to say everything that comes into your head. If you were with your parents would you be saying everything that came to mind? If you were in a job interview? If you were .. I don't know.. meeting the Pope?
If you can control it some of the time then you can control it nearly all of the time.

 

[Mayarian]

be patient. you interact very well with people in SF, so if you can interact well with people here you should do a better job irl . it may make you a little more nervous but you can also pick up on body language and mannerisms. as a last resort try keeping a journal of times you may have said something differently (better) and times that you had no problems at all. like I said the journal is only if you feel you need it. I know you can do this you do so well here. mike

Thank you

You don't have to say everything that comes into your head. If you were with your parents would you be saying everything that came to mind? If you were in a job interview? If you were .. I don't know.. meeting the Pope?
If you can control it some of the time then you can control it nearly all of the time.

It only comes when I got carried away, if in job interview or talked with a public figure you dont got comfortable and talked with em like friends or close family right?
It always happening with my parent, friends(and then become my ex-friends after that). Like I always tried my best to keep my mouth shut, even after some occasions I decided to not be close with people bcs of this. But after some time I got comfortable with someone, then I always said something that offended people. Even with usual slang language that we always used when talking can suddenly offend them(the case when I called my friend dummyhead, eventhough we always called each other like that).At my first case when I mumbling at the soap opera antagonist, even though every single night me and my parent watched soap opera and talk about it
I always got in the worst timing, stuck inbetween their bad day, bad mood whatsoever and lashed out at me like Im their stress ball robot.

 

[Nick]

I think it's one of those things that comes with practice. I have a horrible filter. I tend to say whatever pops into my head, and some of the time it's highly inappropriate. With the right audience that's okay. You have to know who you're talking to. This got me in trouble at work for a long time. I was good at what I did, so my lack of social skills was overlooked, but eventually I had to learn to integrate. I had to learn how to think before I speak. This means there are strange pauses in conversation. I'd rather the strange pauses than the alternative, which in this case was losing my job. Stop and look at what is going on around you and decide if the thought that just popped into your head is worth saying or not.